I've got to say that this is a wonderful piece. The prose is honest and doesn't try to give more than the piece wants to give. There is good imagery as well, but the description for the first rule was a little hard to sit through. It felt too descriptive for the piece, which mainly focused on the emotion evoking from the simple apartment. I felt like the story would be losing nothing if a few lines of the third paragraph be cut. Other than that, it feels like main idea came across beautifully. Happy writing!
Great poem! I like the point the message of it, but it was confusing to read at times. I think it's because the poems are so prose-based, rather than message-based. At times it sounds forced. Also, poems are more aesthetically pleasing than regular writing pieces, in a way that adds onto the entire work rather than distracts. With this, all the stanzas are lines up so closely without a break between any of them. The spacing of it shows the reader the "voice" of the poem, or how'd they would read it out loud. Without proper use of empty space and division, the poem feels convoluted. Some lines are unnecessary and don't add on anything to the poem, and getting rid of them to create that space would make the poem much cleaner and more straightforward. Happy writing!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/roching
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 10:29pm on Nov 04, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
