Hi brom... Interesting story.
I'll start with my usual rent. It's just me, but I hate Tag-Lines. I would rather know who is ABOUT to speak and how they sound before reading their words.
As I stated, it's just me.. It's your story.
my comments in blue
Dr. Vale and his associate Dr. Strife were dumbfounded and alarmed as they looked at the telescope monitor.
“Its’ gone! Alpha Centauri just disappeared!” said Dr. Vale. suggest: Dr.Val stammered,"It's gone...."
“It is not a black hole; there was no shrinkage of the star that occurs before imploding into one.”
Dr. Vale lunged at a desk where a phone was and dialed feverishly.
“Hello, Boston observatory? I need you to confirm something? Apparently Alpha Centauri has just…you see it too!? Do you have any guess as to what happened?”
Suddenly Dr. Strife saw the same phenomenon in the monitor. "Dr.Vale would go here... it is Strife talking so no TL needed
“Dr. Vale, look! Another star blacked out!” said Dr. Strife.
Vale glanced at the monitor. Before he said anything, the Boston Observatory told him what Strife just witnessed.sugg.Astounded by what they were telling him, he exclaimed, "Another one?"
“Another one!?” exclaimed Vale on the phone.
we know it's Val and he's on the phone
Then a third star vanished leaving the two scientists worried and at a loss. Seconds later a fourth star did the same.
“What’s happening?” asked Dr. Strife.no more about TLs
“I don’t know. I’m calling NASA,” he said as he hit an auto-dial button.
“Hello? This is Dr. Jordan Vale from California. I and my colleague have been witnessing a disturbing phenomenon. Stars have been vanishing with seemingly no cause.” He peered at the monitor then relayed what he saw to the operator at NASA. “So far over a dozen stars have disappeared. Has your superior telescopes seen any occurrences that might indicate an explanation?” he was silent for a time. “Okay, I will, thank you.”
“That was brief,” said Dr. Strife.
“They said that it is no cause of alarm and that our predicament is due to an old astrophysical occurrence. They called it “Random Star Projected Black Hole Phase.”
“What is that?”
“NASA claims it is when a large black hole disperses moving smaller black holes that devour stars. They said they saw the catalyst black hole a few light years beyond our telescope’s range and that the problem will abate within a few days.”
Dr. Strife frowned and shook his head. “That is ridiculous!”see? no TL needed
“I know and they must think that I’ll blindly believe the story because they’re NASA. What’s more is that they said not to alarm anyone. Something is not right and I plan to find out what.”
“How are they going to make every observatory in America not tell people?” asked Strife. “It will get all over the internet as well.”
A loud knock at the entrance door was heard as well as a gruff voice ordering to open the door.
“This is the FBI! Please open the door!”
Both men looked at each other in fright.
“Please open the door!”
“They will use force if needed,” said Dr. Strife.
With that, Vale opened the door to reveal tall men in black attire with “FBI” stitched on their vests. They barged in and put both in hand cuffs and hauled them out of the lab building.
“What are you doing?! We’ve done nothing wrong!” pleaded Dr. Vale as the apprehenders man-handled the scientists into a black van.
“You are in no danger. As long as you cooperate,” said a voice that came from the front passenger’s seat.
“Does this have to do with the vanishing stars?” said Dr. Strife.
“That is correct. But know that this is for the stability and order of not only America, but the entire world.”
“Where are you taking us?” asked Vale.
“To a compound with a TV station about two miles away in a rural site.”
“A TV station? What for?”
“You and your colleague will be part of a public announcement affirming the story given by the government.”
“Why? What is the real cause?”
“All will be explained when we reach our destination. For now, please stay quiet.”
Twenty minutes later, the van met a closed gate with guards at each side. One approached the vehicle and the driver gave him a card and the gate opened. They went into a curved tunnel with flood lights lining the walls. Next, they stopped at a door at the end.
“Follow us and we will remove the cuffs. It was for precaution, forgive us.”
Both got out and the cuffs were removed. When they came to the door, the man turned around who had been talking. He looked in his fifties and had austere blue eyes and had a stoic mannerism. The man took a card and swiped it in a slit in the door and it opened. Inside were about a dozen people not in suits or uniforms but in regular clothing.
“Ron is that you?” Dr. Vale asked surprisingly to one of the individuals.
“Jordan! I have not seen you since college!”
“Why are we here?” asked Vale.
“The people who kidnapped me said that once all the astronomers were assembled they would tell us the situation. This is probably happening all across the country. I suppose you did not buy their “Random Star Projected Black Hole Phase” story either.”
Before Dr. Vale could answer, the man in the suite came forth.
“May I have your attention? You are all here to ensure the wellbeing of the entire world. We apologize for the rough treatment, but we could not risk any of you divulging the situation to the non-educated.”well being
“You said you would explain everything. What’s going on?” said an older and annoyed astronomer.
“To put it bluntly, the disappearing of stars will continue to escalate. About twenty million stars in the observable universe have gone,” the man said.
There was murmuring and the scientists traded worried looks.
Dr. Vale spoke up. “And have you found the reason for the phenomenon, the real one?”
“What I’m about to say will shock you and even sound mad. The problem involves a parallel universe.
Silence swept through the room. Then one commented. “I do not think that is mad at all. In theory, there could be multiple universes.”
“I agree,” said another.
“I see and do you have any proof?” said the stingy old scientist from before.
The man in the suit walked towards a door to the left of the crowd. “Follow me,” he said as he went through. He led them down a hall to yet another door with a scanner next to it. He put his palm on it and the door opened. What they saw next astounded each of them. On a raised platform, there was a glowing blue sphere of light the size of a wrecking ball.
“What is it?” asked Dr. Strife.
“The portal. Now that you have accepted the reality of another other universe, you will be told there are sentient beings there.”
“What does all this have to do with the stars vanishing?” asked Dr. Vale.
“I will allow someone else to explain that to you.” said the man as he walked towards an elevator mechanism.
“Please board the lift. I assure you there is no danger.”
All the scientists walked on the large open air elevator which brought them up to the blue sphere.
“I will enter then return to show you there is no threat.”suggest: With that HE walked...cuts down on repetition of 'the man'
The man walked into the ball of light with a silhouette that outlined his body as he went through. Thirty seconds later he came back.
“Everyone follow me.”
A young, eager scientist wasted no time in stepping through. One by one the rest entered until it was time for Dr. Vale and Dr. Strife to go.
“On the count of three we both go in,” said Vale.
“Okay,”
“One…two…three!”
They both went through and it was like walking into a wind tunnel with a spiraling illumination at the end.
All the scientists were in awe at the sight of their destination. They found themselves in what could be described as a mechanical city in outer space they saw from a window inside a room. Satellites were mounted on metal spires that rose high into the firmament with multiple lights running up them.
“It’s like living inside a gigantic computer!” said Dr. Strife.
“Look out at space. There are much less stars than in our universe,” Dr. Vale pointed out.sugg:delete 'much'
“You are very observant Dr. Vale,” said a normal looking man in a grey padded outfit. I would request that you would allow me to explain the whole situation,” the man said to the scientists. “I am a being who lives in this dimension. My name is Nemous.”
All were silent.
“The reason for the mass disappearance of stars in your universe began with a great catastrophe that occurred about two-thousand years ago,according to your time measurements that is. Two intergalactic enemies warred over the possession of an object that was filled with tremendous destructive power. They were called the Nix and the Salens. The weapon was called the Heart of Doom. With it, either side could rule over the other with the ultimatum to annihilate their enemy’s world. Eventually the Nix gained the Heart. But they were not satisfied with conquering their sole foe. They travelled1 L to other galaxies and enslaved more worlds. Ultimately over three-hundred planets fell to the Nix. Over time, the planets forged a secret alliance with one another with covert communication and armament. They rebelled against the Nix. A brief war broke out and at the end even the mighty weapon seemed like it would not help the tyrannical beings. Before the leader of the Nix was about to die, he enacted a final attack on a universal level. It obliterated all planets and stars on a vast scale throughout the known universe here.”
“Then how are you still alive?” asked Dr. Strife.
“The object of destruction had an even far more reaching effect. It tore a rift in the cosmic fabric that bridged our two realms. For an unknown reason some of my kind, called tetro sapiens,Cap T & S were thrown through a portal to Earth in a remote area at the time of the great catastrophe. We sought to return but when we looked back through the portal, there was nothing but darkness; abyssal space. We lived in secrecy until we revealed ourselves at the start of the twenty first century when all governments were mature enough to realize the truth.”
“You said you waited. Do you simply live long lives or are you immortal?” asked Dr. Vale.
“We are impervious to time but not to fatal attacks.”
“Would you please get to the relevant segment of your explanation concerning the vanishing stars?” demanded a scientist.
“As Dr. Vale pointed out, there are far less stars in this dimension. To be completely forthcoming, we are the ones who have been taking your stars,” said Nemous.
“So, you’re treacherous thieves!” said one scientist.
“You have no right! Give them back!” said another.
The small crowd broke out into loud contestation.?? The man in the black suite took out an electric megaphone.
“Please calm down! There is a good explanation that will validate the alien’s actions. Silence yourselves.”
The tumult came to an end and the alien continued.
“In exchange for the repopulation of stars here, the inhabitants of your planet will be transported to this universe and will thrive on a different world. There will be no war and with our help you will be technologically advanced. Our medicine will expunge all diseases that plague your present world.”
re population or re-population
“You said all the planets were destroyed and how did you build this mechanical place if there was nothing?” Dr. Strife put forth.were destroyed, SO how
“We used material from your world to gradually build these electrical constructs. As for the planets, it waywill amaze you that we have the capability to make entire worlds, quite quickly. We have made our own planet and yours is nearly complete.”
“For what reason have you waited so long to begin transporting the stars?” asked Vale.
“We just now have completed the device that we use to move stars to one universe to another.
“Where are these planets that your kind and our kind are supposed to live?” asked Dr. Vale.
“They are visible through the central bridge observatory window. I will show you.”
The alien motioned with his hand to follow him and they all entered what appeared to be an elevator room. There were glowing rings arranged in a circle on the floor in the center.
“Everyone stand on one of the rings.” he said.
“Let me guess, teleportation?” asked Dr. Strife.
“That is probably what everyone realizes. Who here is not a Star Trek fan?” asked Vale.
Rings of green light shot upwards around each person rapidly until their vision was obstructed then the rings gradually slowed and abated. There they were, in a large chamber with an enormous curved window. They saw monolithic machines half the size of Earth’s moon with robotic arms holding equally enormous metal slats. They were building a spherical structure that had a partial Earth like surface around it. Some of the slats were seen deeper within the sphere. Part of the center exposed a red hot core like a nuclear reactor.
“I’m in heaven,” said a scientist.
“In all my life, I’ve never seen a more enthralling sight,” said Dr. Vale.
“I almost do not want to go back!” exclaimed Dr. Strife.
The man in the black suit who originally brought them there addressed the group of people.
“Before anything else, we need to return to Earth where the TV station is,” he said. “And I must remind you, no cooperation will result in unpleasant measures.”sugg: not cooperating
A sheepish look fell on all faces. The group stepped on the rings and in the same manner that they came, they appeared back in the section where they first entered into the universe.
“Everyone back to the portal,” the man in the suite ordered.
They reluctantly approached the blue sphere and they entered through in single file. The group of overwhelmed scientists were back on the platform. They were all lowered to the ground and entered the TV station area. On a stage there was a seat for each scientist in front of a camera.
“Please sit down. This will not take long,” said the one in the suite.
They all took their places. A man came out in a dress shirt and slacks. He walked onto the platform holding a mike. A thin person in glasses sat in front of them. Then a heavy set man in regular shirt and shorts went behind the camera.
When the man in black counted to three, the host with the mike began.I think he would have introduced the scientists. Rather than stating all the names you might say, After introducing... he said,"Hello, I'm
“Hello, I’m James Randel. An alarming rumor has spread concerning the disappearance of stars. To put those fears to rest, we have assembled a few astronomers who will explain the true nature for this occurrence. Sitting in front is lead scientist Ron Brown. Dr. what is happening?”
“What is happening is nothing new. There is evidence that this took place about five-hundred years ago. It is called Random Star Projected Black Hole Phase. The process happens when a black hole loses gravitational flux at different points around the black hole and smaller black holes separate from the original body. As you can see it is quite simple.”
“Doctor, will this anomaly cease?”
“Absolutely, it will. Although we do not have a specific time table, it will end soon.”
“Have any of the other scientist found differently?”
Dr. Vale spoke up. “We have all come to the same conclusion.”
“There you have it folks. No reason to worry. We will inform you when the situation has ended. James Randel signing off.”
Suddenly a man burst into the room in a panic. He breathed heavily with fear glazed eyes."They survived.. would go here not on another line
“They survived! They survived!”
“What do you mean? Calm down,” said the man in the black suit.
“The Nix, they survived! They are attacking the space station as we speak. And Nemous, he’s dead!” the frightened man uttered.
Ah..good. some conflict. I was starting to worry
“What do we do?” asked Dr. Strife.
“We must find out the reason for their sudden hostility,” reasoned Dr. Vale.
“We cannot return. Everything may be gone,” said the man in the suite.
“I have to know what is going on.”
“You could be killed Dr. Vale. It is your life though. I’m sure we all want to know what is happening. If you are able, bring word back and report the situation,” the man finished.sugg: delete 'the man finished'
“I’m coming too,” said Dr. Strife.
Both men hurried to the portal room.
“The portal is still intact. That is a good sign,” said Dr. Strife.
When the lift brought them to the round portal, they dashed through it. On the other side alarms and lights were going off. Through the window, they saw ships firing at the station and the construction machines. Many areas were burning and the tetro sapiens were defenseless. Then suddenly the Nix stopped attacking. names are always Caped..Tetro Sapiens
“I think we’ll find our answer at the bridge.”
They entered the room with the teleporting p'H'ort rings, stood on them and instantly they were transported to the bridge observatory. Above them on a large metal balcony, one of the tetro sapiens in their padded grey attire was kneeling to a tall humanoid being in a red cloak with a crown made of black onyx.
“They are surrendering to the Nix. And that cloaked figure could be the old leader Nemous told us about,” said Dr. Vale.
Then another tetro sapien waved at them from a space craft of some kind and motioned to approach him. The two doctors scuffled to him.
“My name is Xion. I trust you have realized our situation?”
Both nodded.
“I and some others are about to enact a plan. We’ve wondered if the Nix were also pulled into a different universe and now we know. We have secretly been building weapons not know to even our leaders. The Nix think we are helpless and that will give us the advantage of surprise. Follow me.”
They did so and went after Xion into an elevator and they descended.
“Our plan is to use a pulsar cannon to destroy the mother ship while their leader returns to it. All we have to do is wait.”'when' their leader
When the elevator stopped, the three got out and entered a large mechanical room. Before them was what looked like a large radio dish with a thick rod that protruded from the center.
One of Xion’s friends rushed to him. “The cannon is ready and Lord Vaux is leaving the station in his craft. We have him on screen.”
The screen showed a vessel about to enter a large square opening in the mother ship. Suddenly it stopped.
“Why is he stopping?” asked Vale.
A voice from behind them was heard.
“Because I told him.” good.. more conflict
Xion turned in shock. “Corin?! How could you betray your one kind!? You contributed the most to the weapon. Why would you turn on us?”
“I was promised to have a place of great power if I defected. I put a radio device on your back Xion. They smaller than bug, so you won’t find them. I put them on practically all that worked on the weapon.”
Soldiers swarmed around them and bound their hands in plastic tubing then hauled them off. The three were brought to a room where the cloaked being was seated on a throne.
“Lord of the Nix, I bring you prisoners.”
“You have proved your loyalty. Come to me and I will give you the scepter of Heth. With it you will rule over a planet called Ethire that I conquered.”
Corin came near the Nix king. As the evil ruler stretched forth to give the rod to him, Corin pulled out a laser.
“Relinquish your weapons or he dies!”
All dropped their projectile arsenals.
“Tell all your attack vessels to dock in the mother ship, now!”
“What will you do if I do not? kill me? Ha!”
“Corin shot him in the leg.
“Ahh! Okay! This is Lord Vaux. Reassemble in the mother ship,” he spoke into a radio.
Fifteen minutes past.
“Fire the pulsar cannon!” Corin ordered.
A cascade of white light burst from the cannon through the hull of the immense mother ship. A barrage of explosions engulfed the goliath construct. In half a minute it was nothing but drifting debris.
“You’ve lost Vaux. I will let you and your few soldiers live. Our people will escort you all to the shuttle you came in along with an operative who will see that you relinquish any planets you might have enslaved.”
“You had me there for a while Corin. You were very cunning,” said Xion. “But why did you wait to just shoot him before?”
“A force field protected him at all times. Only when he let me enter the shield could a threaten
him.” could I threaten him
Eventually the human planet was finished. When that time came, the human race was told
the truth and a portal appeared for people to enter into the new universe. Some were angry but most were joyful to begin a new, advanced and astounding utopia.
Go ahead and throw rocks at me if you wish..."grinnn"
just bob |
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| (4.5)
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