Adverbs should be a tool in the writer's toolbox, but when used in abundance it makes strong words less effective. I think you use them as modifiers or descriptive when you probably don't need to. Think of them as scaffolding take it away and the building or story you really want to tell will be there. Keep up the good work.
I love how your poem takes into account life events "There was talk of my ex who was fit as a daisy" and weaves both bad and good into the realization that perhaps one of the greatest gifts of all is our children. I really admire your ability to fit within the confines of this particular rhyming couplet. People sometimes don't realize how difficult it can be to do this well. I am a big fan of your work and am adding you to my favorites.
Writing a message as it relates to a biblical story or parable makes it easier for some people to understand. FUrthermore taking that same message and giving a personal application of how it applies to your own life takes courage and strength. Now to address your question "why am In not a pastor full time" preaching and spreading the word comes in many different forms in many different arenas. Remember that we are given many different gifts and many different talents. If we do not use those talents or gifts and bury our heads i the sand it is displeasing to the one who gave us those same gifts. I submit that you have a gift for teaching and certainly for written communication, and you are using that gift not for your own benefit, but to tell others of His glory and to edify and lift him up....that by definition makes you a preacher...your prayer has been answered. Now be a powerful beacon, a strong lighthouse and pillar and lead the ships that are lost at sea to the safe haven.
No better description or definition of "prayer" can be given it is exactly that "Conversation with God". Some would use this connection for their own selfish motives, while other will seek to edify and uplift God's name fulfilling original purpose. I truly admire your diction/word choice it was well chosen and fits within the confines of your rhyme scheme and structure. I like how each line flows flawlessly into the next through good use of enjambment. I also really like your descriptive tone. This has brought about a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing it with us. I look forward to reading more of your inspirational work in the near future.
What a terrific idea to write a letter of sorts to oneself on the goals and musings of the upcoming year. I also think it would be neat to write a letter to one's younger self. I really admire your descriptions, particularly of Swift. I have never been a horse lover, not because of anything they have done wrong, or some weird/obscure horse allergy, but because of my lack of exposure to them. You paint them in such a beautiful light with such a fine detailed brush that it makes a non-horse person such as myself long to caress them and get to know them better. Your piece also reminds me of Aaron Kramer's poem "Prothalamium" comparing spring as a bride preparing for her groom. I included a link below. I truly enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
I found this to be as a wonderful breath of fresh air. I have had the fortunate pleasure of reading most of Nadine Gordimer and J.M. Coetzee's work and truly your piece falls right in line with those other aforementioned South African literary giants. I found your piece to be rich in oral tradition that South Africa has to offer and I can almost feel the warmth of the fire that we would be sitting around listening as this story is told and retold. Truly a fantastic piece of writing. Well Done.
I too write of Africa and the beauty that is displayed there and your poem has a ring of truth to it. I can close my eyes and visualize the picture that you have painted for us. A writer who has the ability to get readers to temporarily suspend their disbelief and visualize the picture the writer is trying to show, is truly a talented and gifted soul. You have just such a talent. Thank you for taking me back to Tempora, Tanzania a small but beautiful place that your poem reminds me of. I look forward to reading more of your work in the very near future.
I think you have truly captured the essence of Autism with this short non-fiction piece. I too have often wondered if their lives are filled with joy or frustration and I think you are correct, it is filled with both. I wonder though if their frustration is routed in their not understanding us or us not understanding them, for I truly think they are communicating and have lots to say. Perhaps we are the ones that are trapped and they are the ones that are free from the limitations and restrictions this world imposes on us. Very well written piece. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Former Poet Laureate Diane Levertov once said, "Poetry is subjective, and entirely within the interpretation of the reader." A truer statement regarding poetry cannot be stated. My interpretation of your poem: I felt as though it was mini-speed bumps that life throws our way...a virtual stonewall if you will, a falling down into the mud, and getting back up again without bothering to brush away the stains, but rather carrying them with you. I particularly like your enjambment as one line flows almost flawlessly in to the next. Very Well Written! I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
What a refreshing (yet morbid) read. I found it to be wonderfully written and well crafted. I particularly liked your dialogue and enjoyed that it was written in the Chinese vernacular...that is to say it is written exactly as it would sound if you were a stranger in the room over hearing it. This made your characters more authentic to me and I could immediately relate to both sides of the story. It kind of reminded me of "Sir Gaiwan and the Green Knight." Wouldn't it be wonderful if Mr. Williams accepts responsibility willingly and at the end the surgeon (green knight) decides not to swing his sword/knife. Very Well Written. Nice job! I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
This is brilliant. You set this reader down one path and connotation thinking what it would be like to have four wives and then you turn it completely on its head by stating that we all have four wives and you explain the definition. So rarely is this particular technique pulled off as successfully as you have done it here. Nice job. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
You make a valid point: that it can be difficult at best to physically implement the things we read into our lives. This is because we are often over-run by deep emotional blockage or depression or are just too busy to let the language of literature in. Sometimes it id difficult even to suspend ones disbelief long enough to make physical transference even possible, but then something magical happens and we close our eyes and images flow through our sub-conscious minds and imagining takes place...all of a sudden everything that we read about both wonderful and deplorable, kind and heinous are entirely possible. If we allow the literature to manifest within us spiritually regardless of its content then it has the power to move us. Good job with this. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
I found this short snippet on life to be refreshing and true. As is the case with every married couple, they start off with everything that comes along with marital bliss, then comes the financial struggles and the speed bumps of life the inevitably lead to fighting. But as in any two kindred spirits they effect to each other a type of tenderness and reconciliation both heartfelt and hard fought. Indeed life is about memories and the people we share them with. I look back and think what would have happened if my wife had thrown me out after our first fight, or if I had voluntarily left after her over spending...as the saying goes life throws you lemons and you try to make lemonade. Good job with this. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Your piece of flash fiction came on the random review like a cool breath of fresh air. It takes the love of a mother and it shows the reader that sometimes the greatest love we can show a child is giving them to a loving family who perhaps can't have children of their own. Instead of raising a child that is unwanted or heaven forbid abandoning the child you are starting the child's young life off with an act of kindness and love.Great job. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Hate is an emotion that is both learned and found exclusively in human beings...a fox does not hate a bird and the like he merely hunts out of instinct and a willingness to survive. We celebrate our difference and shout from the rooftops that diversity brings stability, but I submit that your poem states we should celebrate our oneness and unity. Very well written. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
You have truly captured the anticipation of the return of the Messiah and the much anticipated wedding between Him and His church. I can close my eyes and picture three women waiting one with enough oil in her lamp to be prepared for His return. As it has been said, "You know not when the master of the house comes, He comes just like a thief in the night." Great job with this poem. I truly enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
I love the concept of role reversal that you have going on in this short piece of flash fiction, with animals observing would be human mating and peer bonding in an attempt to successfully breed human beings and save the species. I think you do an excellent job of saying something desperatly needs to be done to save us from the path we are currently on all without the unnecessary preaching from the soap box which often drives readers away. I love the personification you give to each of the animals and found it funny that the animals did not understand that human mating rituals were more complex than simply a male and female being together in a room.
I di notice a couple of spelling mishaps and will point them out here:
"I've seen both of the naked several times." should be "I've seen both of them naked several times."
"Cree," he stopped beside the console. "would artificial insemination work?" should be "Cree," he stopped beside the console, "Would artificial insemination work?"
She began punching button on the console should be She began punching buttons on the console
All easily fixed. I truly enjoyed reading this piece of short fiction and consider it to have been a wonderful five minute vacation from the hustle and bustle of every day life..Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
I really enjoyed your poem on friendship and particularly liked the battle between angels and demons...you truly captured the inner essence and turmoil of a hard fought friendship.
I did notice a couple of things: the Microsoft default is to uppercase all the first letters in a line. This makes things problematic when addressing poetry as it is almost always certain that this is not the author's true intent. You also have an interesting rhyme scheme (A,A,A,A) (B,C,B,C)(D,D,E,E)(F,F,G,G) I was trying to identify your scheme and couplet and had a difficult time clearly identifying what type of poem it was...regardless I think it is a truly well written poem. Nice Job!. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Losing a loved one especially losing a child can be the worst feeling anyone can ever experience and it can be really easy to give oneself over to despair and find oneself in a hopeless situation.
I think you do a terrific job of capturing the essence of these would be raw emotions and projecting them onto your protagonist. The reader really feels her pain.
I particularly like your personification of grief and how you have made him a character. Grief can be cathartic, but it can also be as a ball and chain prohibiting one from truly getting over a loss and moving forward. I would love to read more of the different characteristics that your character "Grief" portrays.
Great job with this and I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
I found your short story to be light, whimsical, and funny, truly a breath of fresh air. It was so nice to see and clearly identify so many genres. You mixed in a little of everything and it seemed to be flawless and not forced at all, which as a reader (mostly of serious literary fiction) I appreciate.
I did notice one thing that caught my eye "Then by the powers invested in me by the state of Florida" this has a very different meaning from that of "Then by the powers vested in me by the state of Florida." A small fixable thing that I thought I would bring to your attention. Great Job. I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
I really admire the way you draw the reader in and get them to like you characters.
Without an interesting protagonist that the reader either loves or hates, it can be very difficult to get the reader emotionally vested in your story.
I think you do a good job of having the reader connect with the character through similar life experiences such as a long distance friendships/relationships.
The immediacy of the information super highway, being able to instant message or Skype, send an e-mail, or other forms of social media, make new forms of relationships possible. But what they have in immediacy they lack in intimacy and I think you do a good job of capturing this. The characters ultimately long for that one on one human embrace a physical feeling not possible via the internet or phone. Good job. Well done!
Though some of your grammar mistakes are small and easily fixed, I did find it hard to move past them and it made what would have been a wonderful read much more taxing then it needed to be. I think fixing these mistakes will allow for the reader to read over them without having that involuntary hitch or stop in the reading. One such mistake: all punctuation should be on the inside of quotation marks ." instead of ". Even still, I really enjoyed your piece and look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Losing a loved one is always tragic. It leaves us questioning what we could have done to make their lives better or what we could have done differently. I think you truly capture the pain one feels when we lose a loved one.
I particularly like your rhyme and scheme, and your use of enjambment is flawless, as one sentence flows into the next to make your metre work.
The one thing I did notice was your use of the homonym whole and hole...though they sound alike they have very different meanings; whole: complete or total, hole: cavity or empty space.Thus "The Whole You Left" and "The Hole You Left" would take on two very different meanings.
All in all good job! I look forwad to reading more of your work in the near future.
I found your poem to be a wonderful breath of fresh air. It reminds me greatly of August 28, 1963 and the famous Martin Luther King jr. "I have a dream " speech.
It reminds me of the young protesters standing in the streets of Tianamen Square, and it reminds me of the dismantling of the Berlin Wall, ripping down walls and dividers that would keep us apart from one another. It inspires me to believe that we can celebrate our oneness and likeness and similarities instead of our differences...celebrate our unity.
This is inspiring and I think you have done a fantastic job with it. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Writing a letter such as this takes a lot of inner strength and courage and I admire you for it. Balancing an overwhelming feeling of gladness at potentially finding a cure and an overwhelming hatred at not finding the cure fast enough to save a loved one I am sure must have been very difficult.
I am sorry for your loss and for the loss of all those who could not benefit from an ill-timed cure or remedy.
Your letter is filled with raw emotion and the reader can almost taste the feelings behind it. I think this makes for a very powerful piece and I thank you for sharing it with me.
Your letter in a way reminds me of J.M. Coetzee's novel length letter "Age of Iron" a series of letters written by those who lost loved ones in the apartheid and South African conflict.
Perhaps you can write another letter, this one from your sister's point of view describing her life with this terrible ailment and how she suffered but remained strong through the broken promises of a cure.
Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Respectfully,
Robert Thomas Atwood, Ph.D.
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