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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/robbie014
Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
10 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I read many books each year and I have a pretty "out there" imagination. I like stories that flow well, are fast paced and creative. I will give you a concise honest opinion of your writing.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Adventure and Mystery.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Sapphire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dr. Seuss is an iconic author to many children all over the world and even in death has a profound influence on kids and their enjoyment of reading. What a legacy. If we could all contribute just a fraction of what he continues to give, what a world we would have. A world on knowledge, acceptance and wonder - exactly what we need today in 2017.
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Review by Sapphire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Thanks for sharing your story. I found your tale compelling and would wish to read more. Your character development is pretty good. Although I found the J's (Jason, Jacob, Jonah and Julian) to be a bit confusing when trying to track who was doing what towards the end. I also wanted to know a bit more about your main characters as far as build and personality go. Creative plot and a great beginning. Best of Luck!
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Review by Sapphire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your prologue. As I read it I was hoping for some description of Nick. Big, fat, strong, weak, etc...Your fight scene was pretty well developed although perhaps a bit more focus on your main bad guy would be helpful. More insight about the giant fox would have been nice as well. Last thought.........stay within your story. I am not sure that "Rip these guys a new one" fit in with the rest of the scenes/story. Overall it was cool. Thanks for sharing.
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Review of Sands  Open in new Window.
Review by Sapphire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Good start here are a few thoughts/opinions for you.

The first paragraph I think you went a touch overboard with the loss of memory characterizations. I think you could go back and eliminate several sentenances and have the same impact for your beginning. Also you could add a bit more about the surroundings for instance were their dunes, any trees, water or mirages, etc. That being said after paragraph one I was intreged and wanted to know more about the other characters

Paragraph 2 is very similar to paragraph one and does not add much value.

The remainder of the story is very, very discriptive and I felt I was being over sold on the characteristics of the others in the sand. I like the detail but I think it becomes more interesting if it happens over time throughout the story not just in one big paragraph. In other words I like it when authors give more detail about the characters slowely as the story advances becuse it adds intrigue and interest.

Overall I would continue to read on but what I mentied above might create the same effect and allow the reader to get to the same point in the story quicker. For what it is worth have you thought of adding an animal to your tale to make it even more interesting.

Thanks for letting me review.
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Review of Deserted Island  Open in new Window.
Review by Sapphire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Cool poll. But you could add some more meat to the situation. In other words what kind of island, where is it? Is there food on the island, is there any hope of rescue, etc....
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Review of A Bunch Of Things  Open in new Window.
Review by Sapphire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your poem although I got kind of lost from all of the jumping around. I had to read it slower than I would normally read a poem. Could you develop each topic a bit more? Maybe a few more lines of each topic (for example more information on the jewels and etc) You speak about "she" a lot, who is she, can you build a real person into the poem? Thanks for letting me read your work.
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