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Review of Lonesome grave  Open in new Window.
Review by Robert Martin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I enjoyed - sorry, loved - your poem. I'm not so sure about you repeating the title of the piece in your opening line, though. I think the poem speaks for itself. This left me feeling like love is a grave we dig for ourselves but the object of our desire does not always acknowledge. I like the rhyme you employ, yet I fell it is better delivered in the alternative restructuring I offer below. Just an observation, mind.

Never felt further
With you so near

What a beautiful line. Sometimes the person we lay it all on the line for astounds us, which leaves us in a state of disbelief we can't always reconcile. Are you kidding me? Is this really happening? I think this encapsulates this perfectly. At least it did for me!

All in all a very poignant piece. It resonated with me on a personal level and I look forward to reading more of your work.

It’s hard holding on
Having to hold back
Immense this pressure
Trying not to crack
Fighting to keep
Emotions on track
Every perfect quality
I seem to lack

Fell victim to love
Held hostage by fear
Everything’s blurry
Decisions unclear
Never felt further
With you so near
Sometimes in life
You want to disappear

I can’t explain
This total misery
Trying to solve
Your heart's mystery
Pick the lock
Set your feelings free
Only concerned they
Are not for me

I rise each morning to
Live the day
Awakened to find
Life’s complacent replay
Having to watch
Words which we say
Are the right ones
To make you stay

Open your eyes
My one mission is you
Decisions made are
Clearly thought through
Attacking is the last
Action to do
Instincts alert me
She has no clue

Exactly how
Should I behave
Weak the knees
Body wants to cave
You’re the only person
Who can save
Me from falling
Into this lonesome grave
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