Overall, it was a really, really good story! I liked the way that you described each of the characters. However, you could make it a stronger piece if you use a little more description of the scene, like outside. You could also emphasize the sarcasm in the beginning because it wasn't clear that Ray was being sarcastic and that they were friends, because of the way that the main character said she views Wichts. Also, just a side not, you might not want to make Ray a Wicht because than you can keep the prejudices against them consistant, but it still works if you don't.
Its a really great story and I'm truly looking forward to reading more.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rmariah
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 1:53am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.