Well, you have quite a bit of work to do with your grammar. A lot. Not everything needs to be in quotation marks. You need to add description to your piece; The entirety is nothing but dialogue. There needs to be some details to ground the reader. What do your characters look like? What do their voices sound like? Where do they come from? You say GHS before you describe what GHS actually stands for. Unfortunately your chapters are also far too short. I imagine they would be one page or less. Your story has a lot of potential, though. May I ask how old you are? I imagine you to be fifteen or sixteen. Keep writing. I wrote some terrible stories when I was young, much worse than what you have here. Keep going. Let me know when you rewrite the piece, I want to read the update!
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