the first line opened n numbers of windows to proceed with this work , but I believe you chose to be ...bit personal here.
you are not the one who is comfortable in making rhyme pattern , I personally find your style is more attractive. and obviously you will improve day by day.
Liked specially the last 2 stanza .
great thought , keep writing .
quick tips: read your work 2-3 times , you will see better ways to express same feelings .
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