Hello JAMcD , and welcome to WDC!


First Impression
What my immediate thoughts are after a first read through.
I thought that this was a pretty suspenseful piece. When trying to come up with different things that could have been triggering this door phobia, I hadn't thought of that. My honest opinion after reading this was that with some cuts this might make a really killer story one might tell around a campfire. It has a lot of build-up and specific detail to the past, present, and future.


Title, Teaser, & Hook
How the title, teaser, or hook appeals to me.
Behind Closed Doors seems simple enough, but that's not really what dug its 'hook' into me. What really caught my attention is the first line in the story: When I was six-years-old, I formed an aversion to the sound of doors being unlocked and opened. This immediately got me curious as to what was up with this young child. What was she or he afraid of? Was it an active imagination, or something else? I also found your utilization of genres Horry/Scary to be appropriate for the short story.


My Favorites
The part or parts of your work that I enjoy the most.
thick metallic crunch - I like these words together.
It was as casual and inconsequential a memory as a tenth birthday or a first time riding a bike... - I thought this was good imagery.
The telephone was crying in shrill peals. - A little redundant, but I like the way it compliments shrill.
...into the unplumbed depths of my dark and juvenile subconscious. - Awesome. Just awesome.


Grammar & Punctuation
General grammar and punctuation errors that I notice along the way.
My heart would thump till[until] it threatened to vault the confines of my little chest, and my father, who was widowed at my birth, was mystified. - Until, till, and 'til are controversial subjects in style guides, but generally speaking it's always safe to use until in most situations.
Between my sixth and seventh birthday, my sleeping pattern consisted of endless nights of fitful slumber, vivid and terrifying dreams, and sudden waking, which would precipitate, or perhaps was precipitated by, a slew of cries and sobs and screams. - There's only two sentences in this paragraph, and this one seems to be a pretty lengthy one. While I do not hold personal grudges against long sentences, I almost feel like there's things being added to make some sort of word count quota. It might work better if this sentence, among other lengthier sentences in the story, are broken down into smaller bits.
Evidently[,] my fear of doors was linked to this phenomenon... - Evidently is an introductory word here, so a comma should follow it.
...always something to do with the door of[to] my room.
There was a stiff breeze on[in] the May air...
A couple of rooms in the apartments outside were lit, but otherwise[,] the cityscape was dark.
After a short silence[,] I cleared my throat and repeated a greeting. - Another introductory expression.
Suddenly[,] the strange sound took on a vivid clarity, until there was no doubt in my mind that it was coming from behind me. - I have to sort of cringe at the use of suddenly here. So far the story has done a good job at building the reader up. We care for the main character at this point, we're curious as to what's going on. Why throw a suddenly in there, when you could describe the sudden change instead?
When I heard that sound that night, the ancient bulb hanging from the top of that dark room ignited, and everything was revealed in all its grotesquery; all at once[,] the shadows of my subconscious flared up into my eyes, and I couldn't take what I saw. - Unless you're really looking to make a really strong bond between the two sentences, I'd suggest getting rid of the semicolon and sticking with a good old fashioned period.
I woke up in [a/the] hospital two days later. - Missing word.
I was told the neighbours[neighbors] called the police after... - Nothing else in this story indicates a U.K. spelling, so you may want to just stick with what you've already got going.
...that that [the] visitor...
I'm unsure how I feel about the redundancy of many descriptions. For instance, when the door is creaking you describe it opening slow, pause, then describe it as tortuously opening again. This is just one example of what I mean when I feel like the narrator is trying almost a little too hard to describe things. If this were a story being told around a campfire I suppose it would have different power.
You might want to check out some of the verb tenses. Stuff like had woken would be simply woke in the context given.


Strong & Weak Points
How I view your work's strong and weak points.
I think this story has a strong sense of build up, character development, and background. I feel its weak spots are in its long sentences and odd narration. Sometimes it seems like the narrator is trying too hard to draw out sentences and descriptions, and there are a lot of redundancies.


Other Thoughts
Miscellaneous things I have to say that don't quite fit anywhere else.
I am not overly fond of dialog that 'tells' the reader about the character in the sense of stuttering or dialect. Once upon a time I read that if you get too much into your characters stuttering, slang, or dialect that all of your characters begin to sound the same because you end up focusing so much on how they sound in their text that you forget to simply describe it outside of the text. Since there's only really one place that the child's dialog reflects his stuttering, you may want to consider rewriting it. It seems redundant to have the dashes and jerks in the actual text only to turn around and then flat out tell us the child is stuttering. I think it would be fine if you cut the dialog completely, leaving: I would stutter, trying to express what I saw and heard. This sort of description also leaves some to the imagination of the reader, and in this case I think it's a good thing. Also, you don't really need a break in the story since the second part begins with describing the two day time loss, especially considering the narration's already gone from past to present and neither section is very long.

My Overall Opinion
My personal opinion about your work; the good, the bad, and everything between.
With a little bit of work and some possible re-write, I think this piece could be much stronger. It already has a decent foundation and some pretty strong points to work with. I hope that nothing in this review discourages you, but instead helps you to understand the view point of one reader who came across your work. Thank you for sharing this, and welcome to WDC!

Hello there!

          Initial Impression
What a crappy start to the day! I definitely know how that feels. I thought there were a lot of solid couplets in this poem.

          Imagery and Feel
Honestly, there's an awful lot of 'telling' rather than 'showing' in this poem. I understand that a large part of this is due to the point of view and story-telling, but I don't think it could hurt to try and create some metaphors or similes.

Metaphor example: "The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas." The Highwayman, Alfred Noyes
Simile example: "My love is like a red, red rose." Robert Burns

Also, the ending left me kind of hanging. There was no real closure. The poem felt like a series of events, but there really lacked a beginning, middle, and end. There wasn't any build up and/or conclusion.

          Overall Impression
I think this needs a bit of work with storytelling, imagery, and general poetic form. It doesn't really hook us, or make this person memorable. I can see, though, where this could turn into something quite good--you have the basics down. I hope you don't take my rating and review as anything but one reader's opinion on how it could improve. Thank you for entering this round, and I hope to catch you around the site more.