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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rinsoxy
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1,894 Public Reviews Given
1,895 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awesome poem. I feel like that a lot because I have trouble believing anyone could find something in me worth loving. Sometimes a mirror on the wall is a liar and you must see your reflection in another human being's eyes to see the truth. I would put your note on the poem in a drop or pop note so that it doesn't take away from the power of the poem.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
That would be a scary fortune cookie. Audits are nothing to sneeze at. The government makes all the rules, and if they say you owe, they can get it out of you one way or another, even in ways they do not allow other debtors. They can take your house, your car, and even auction off personal items. Best to pay what they say when they say or you will pay more in interest and penalties.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Okay, it is pretty good. definite conflict with nature over the rain. the main character isn't as clear in my mind as he could be. Dialog is good but so is description. Yes his words illustrate his character but a little more description of his actions would be good.

THe format of this story and poem are a little confusing. It is hard to tell where the paragraphs start and stop. Also in short stories Dialog looks more like, ( So and so said, "I said this." then you end the paragraph and you have the second person respond. Other person said, "My response is ..." or "My response is..." THe other person said.) the key is making sure there is a clear paragraph break between the words spoken by different characters. On this site it is a good idea to put two returns between paragraphs to make things clear, the tab key does nothing in the text boxes.
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Review of A Favor  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Yeah, a little predictable on the name chosen, but it is a good story. One thing the bard down in Stratford was a lot later in history than merlin and Arthur. That really threw me out of the story. It lost believability for me somewhere in that. I would leave out the mention of the young writer.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Surreal action. I wish it were possible but it sounds really fun and cool. I wish I had the balls to jump out of a window like that. I admire her for her great faith. It is an encouraging story that shows God works in ways one would not expect. That is the only way a jury-rigged contraption like that would work for anyone but MacGyver
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Review of The Diagnosis  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Cool short story, not cool what is happening to Rylan. But it is an early diagnosis and the doctor seems hopeful. I felt you made a good use of the prompt phrase. I did not see it coming but when it arrived it made good sense. What was the reason for the alternate font used earlier in the piece?
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
That is sooo cute! I love the animals, they are such characters. I didn't know hogs liked the taste of turkey either. Daisy is especially cool. She is smarter than I thought a cow would be, but the way you wrote her it seems perfectly natural that she would be that smart. There are a couple of places where the formatting is a little off, paragraphs with returns in the middle of them and places where another return is needed between paragraphs.
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Review of Lake Bonewater  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The long blank space after the story was suitably ominous. Definitely a lovely horror tale. Poor Charlie. To have been transformed unwillingly into a monster and the to be murdered because of it that leaves the two scientists deserving of every horror they will reap.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
THis is an ominous poem. It follows the prompt as far as I can tell. It could use more description of what the prompt is in a drop note, perhaps also a small description of the contest just in case the contest ever gets removed. I always hate when the link I put there for my information comes back invalid item.
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Review of The Journey Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
That is a graphically disgusting poem. Since I think that is what I think you were aiming for way to go you. It sounds like a horrible fate ahead for the sinful. It reminds me of WWII. Of the dead soldiers, and of the concentration camps mass graves happened just to keep disease from spreading.
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Review of LEPRECHAUNS  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cute poem. I love the characters especially uncle pat. The rhyme scheme seems good to me. I like trading the shamrock for a truck. And loved the drinking the pub dry. I didn't expect the whole family of leprechauns thing that was cool. I wonder if you could come up with more verses.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I didn't expect the ending. I also did not expect Dudley to be so whip smart from the descriptions in the beginning of the story or the goofy name and nickname.

It says it was based on a picture It would be a great idea to put the picture and a link to the contest into a drop note.

Reviewing signature for the B.E.A.R. Fund.
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Review of The Star  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Okay, it is a cute story, but I feel like there should be some kind of explanation of what the star actually was. Was she touched by an angel, or aliens, or was it some kind of medical thing? I thought it could be more inspirational if you had given some kind of reason for it since you make sure to make it clear that she looks up every day for the rest of her life. Is she just grateful to be alive to look? If so, please show more clearly how desperate her situation was. Is she on an IV or oxygen or some other medical equipment that would scare her into worrying about how close she came...

Also I would suggest a larger font for people with limited vision. It would make this more accessible to a wider audience.

In the end I love what you wrote but wanted more...

Reviewing signature for the B.E.A.R. Fund.
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Review of Ol' Man Doolittle  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
How horrible. I spent a good chunk wondering how Dolittle died. Then I wondered how the mortician got out from under the loan, and then I wondered about his sanity. Not sure if the corpse actually rose or if he was just hallucinating it. The coin is a nice touch.
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Review of I live in my Car  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked the easy and freindly tone of this piece. I have been homeless too. I lived in a shelter for seven months when I was 21. I lost a lot that mattered and held on to a lot that didn't. Thank you for showing me another path I could have taken. Christmas to june, it was one of the hardest times in my life, I was in college at the time too.
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Review of Moonlight Terror.  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Who are these people? Vampires? Werewolves? Zombies? I read the revision first and have no better idea now, except that they are terrifying. I do like this version in that only one, the woman is going to be taken tonight. What do THEY do with their victims, do they eat them or change them?
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Review of The Liver Pump  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this story. It could be expanded into a cool novel. I could see naturals protesting outside of clinics and people having their implants stolen. A whole dystopian world hides in the background of this story. If I had seen it sooner I would have nominated it for a quill
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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
for entry "Golragon Flies" Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a cute little poem. I like the neologic word, golragon it sounds cool when I say it and if not immediately obvious what it is it makes sense in the context of the poem. I think it would help if you changed the "Then tell it to fly" to "Then told it to fly." It would just work better for the flow. otherwise it is a lovely poem.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Okay... How does he get back to reality. And was his wandering through hell a mistake of the ritual. I want to read more... It did not feel as thick of a historical tone as the previous two chapters. I think you have a really good beginning to this book. I hope the rest is as good
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
He is a touch more likeable in this chapter than the first one. The woman is a strange enigma old but not old. Young but not young, is she even human? If she is human how did she come to have her knowledge? This rhyme thing reminds me of this guy on Facebook reels that comes up with creepy verses for nursery rhymes.
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for entry "Chapter 1: Genesis" Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ooh that is a dark beginning. I don't like this guy. If he is the main character I should like him shouldn't I? An antihero perhaps? Is this whole thing going to document his fall? Is what happened to the crazy cannibal going to eventually happen to him? The tone is a little thicker and not quite as accessible as in the prolog but I still followed it well.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a cool beginning. I didn't find the style difficult to follow. It seems like the tone and turn of speech that this kind of subject melds well with. It is highly cautionary and definitely sets the weight and tone for a complex and weighty tale. I am hooked into reading more.
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Review of Game Models  Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, it read like a blog entry at first drawing me in then it built in a believable way until the end. I love the format, the tone the characters. I would suggest putting a double return between paragraphs to make it easier to read. The tab button really does nothing in ML. It would be so cool if this app did exist.
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Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this poem. It is so expressive it tells of a moment in time where things could have gone to pot and love came out stronger than anger. That doesn't happen enough in this world any more. The eighties birthed a "ME" generation that believes their own feelings are more important than other peoples and a mutual love like this isn't always strong enough. Thanks for sharing this poem. A more uniform use of punctuation would help a little, there are places which are complete thoughts that really should be punctuated as separate sentences, capitalizing every line leaves me to question where the sentences begin and end. But that is a nitpick
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for entry "the worm attacks" Open in new Window.
Review by Bunny Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What was the prompt for this poem? It sounds cool. This poem really sets me thinking about all of the dystopian pathways a story inspired by this poem could grow down. I think the topic should be placed in a drop or pop note instead of gust sitting below the poem. That way people who just want to enjoy the poem could and the people who want to know where it came from could still find out. I have more of a chance that I will follow links in drop notes rather than just in the body of a piece.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rinsoxy