men i love this work, the rhyming and timing was so swaying....i believe in culture which determines the path of our future hehehehe~~ just going with it, but please use capitals when starting a sentence or a line, or when using "i" make your work attractive..good work
death is a trip we all must take be it small,big,rich,poor,handicapped or whosoever the part that scares us is that we dont know were we are going....nicely written, well capitalized, faultless piece of work,
wow
karl! this is a very beautiful story u have here, for me i think its
perfect the whole family will love it, i am so sorry about grandad but
atleast the trance was his way of saying he loved u and it was ok, u
really are a good storywriter, written any published books? lest i
forget merry xmass 2u and family in advance.... i give it a 5/5 and i
aint sugar tongueing u, honest this awesome, i droped a few tears
hmm m. don't really know what to say but i think i get your idea here which is nice, but alot of work need to be done..i.e " Soka and me" its meant to be Soka and I, we were standing around eating a banana at the same time leaning on a truck? why not soka eat the bananas and you lean on the truck? then this"We dove right in the water was cold but it was OK" we dove right into the water, it was cold but our bodies thrived in the cold, it just doesn't sound right.
just review your work again you have something good here.
life is a journey of pain, hate, love, joy and loads of others but we keep an open mind and hope for the best. very touching piece of work i couldn't help but shed a few tear drops reminded me of my life.... good work here.. just put capital letters at the beginning of every sentence and your work will be perfect good work!
we all need to live sometimes, death might be an alternative we are scared of it cuz we dont know whats out there for us... you wrote a nice poetry here...goodwork
very captivating piece of work you have here. i love the concept, a very nice and touching story...."He now do a job very hard, " please check the line out again.....maybe " he now works hard at his job" or he now works a very hard job. i suggest you decide
.life they say is unfair...keep it up..
this is simply perfect i don't know what other people think but to me...this is wonderful honestly you described what fear is all about.. am inspired by this. nice!!!
this is beautiful a very heartfelt piece of art... and i also love your description gosh!! lovely i.e.You said it so naturally
As natural as you breathing,, you have a masterpiece here..
keep it up
wow, nice piece of work you wrote here, though i expected you to go further about the not trying to change you theory.. short, brief but interesting good work.,
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