This is a very heart felt story. It's a story of human kindness that goes beyond what other's will do. Like giving the shirt off your back you someone else. The story is written well, and a inspiration to all. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am reviewing this just because. My instincts say run away! I have felt this feelings also, but not quite all the same. It does remind of very similar events, so it strikes a chord. I don't know if your looking for a review or a ear. I hear. A cry for hope when thing s are so bad, or did this already happen? If it did, I guess this review become useless. This may suck but you used it to promote a point, and you know how to number sentences correctly. You had exact statements with no spelling errors that I noticed, however I wasn't paying all that much attention to the spelling. so I may not be a good reviewer. What was said mattered more to me. I'm sorry you feel like this, but as I know I am glad you wrote it out. I always found that this has more of a healing effect then anything else. I can be stupid, by that I mean you could have wrote this this as meaning nothing more then a list. A trail run of thoughts and literature. IN that case you succeeded to make your point. Good job.
Very depressing, well written. You had a great way of descrying thoughts of the person, and the family and friends in one sentence each for one day. That in itself is what makes this sad. All the emotions one has squashed into a sentence. The sentence seeming to be death. You end it with pain is gone-so are you. The pain lives on through the others, but so does your memory. All bittersweet if you believe that death is the end.
I was looking for some reason at past reviews. I was brought to this one by fate. I saw that it was modified, so I figure I would reread it. Although I don't remember it word for word. However, what I wrote in the past review, you have changed it enough that I don't feel the same way. It has good flow, and I know you kept the idea, and the emotion that was good intact. Congratulations! I knew you were good and you proved me right. Keep on writing!
You did a great job, with this poem "Just let me Be". It was a concise well written poem. A scared person in love, who didn't want their past to come back to ruin things this time. This is a poem about love, without trusting their own love. It is sad, when it was suppose to be different, with hope.Self doubting causing internal abuse. Just let me be, doesn't sound like the best option.
Nice job, you got me to think about it. So in that way it becomes a successful poem. Keep up the good writing.
Hi, I am reviewing your poem "I'll love you my way". This is a very emotional well written poem. It has a beautiful message to it. The poem has good flow, not with the standard rhyme, and rhythm, but in your own way. Just like the way you love. I do like the story behind it, a hidden love not in the light.
I had only found one typing error, In the last stanza, the word with was (wiith), easy fix. Keep on writing, you are good a it.
Hello, I decided to review your poem "First Born". The title is appropriate for this poem. First of all I am not a good poet,so my review may not be as good as someone that is. I will do my best though. I like what the words are saying, but not the way they were said. By that I mean the poem had rhymes that were good, but they seems to be a bit forced, or clumsy. The rhythm was off a little by trying to force the rhymes to happen.
I think you have great potential at writing. If you allow the words to flow from you, and not try to be so strict with format, you could be a natural. Remember I am not a good poet, and this is only my opinion on your style, in this one poem. I hope this helps you to become even better.
Hi. I am reviewing your poem "because" is caught my eye. For that I am happy. Very good flow, rhyme with heart. A broken one for what it seems of the poem. Your expressions in this seem deep, and hurt a lot. I feel you may have had that intention with this anyway. I hate to say to much, because I stick my foo in my mouth. It was only a story, or poem. This seemed to pull the heartstrings. You did a wonderful job conveying this. Please always keep writing, you have the talent.
Very beautiful and nicely written poem. Although it has no rhyming, it has a nice rhythm, and flows well. I do like the sentiment, the joy, the sharing of a special love, so much so that nothing else matters. I can't see anything that needs improvement. The only error I see is there is a space between Black and the comma. Easily fixed. When writing from the heart, the words matter more. Keep up the great writing, will be looking for more.
Very good, and powerful story. I was very well written, and I enjoyed it very much. The Writing was so good I can not see any need for improvement. The story flow was fast pace, and riveting. You captured the emotions, and conveyed them well to the reader, so much so that you could feel them. Keep up the great writing! You deserve this 5 star rating.
HI I am reviewing your story A Conversation. This is a great title for a great story. I can not express enough how wonderful this story is. The story is written well, and has such a powerful message. I am impressed by this story, and I could not say enough about it. There is nothing to change it is very good. Keep on writing. Your writing has become a special awareness, that deserves much credit.
Very nice lyrics that are very well written. Very good style, and flow. These lyrics flow like poetry, and could have been.You turn them into a song which just would add beauty to it. The love that is expressed here is very special. Keep up the great writing.
I like your poem An Inner Strife, is has great rhythm and rhyme. So much so that all I get when I read it is a rap beat. It distracts me a little from the words though, which is causing me inner strife. No matter how hard I try to read it that beat is in my head. You did a great job of writing this piece sharing your emotions.
I do like this very much, and you did express a way of getting rid of this inner conflict to become joyful again.
I am glad you wrote this piece, i enjoyed the story, and comments a lot. The story is hard to read the way it is set up. It needs to be broken down into smaller paragraph, to help with the reading.
There are a few run on sentences try breaking them up a little. For example where you wrote "When I think about it, nothing is “normal” about many Catholic traditions: not allowing priests to marry, telling a priest every sin you commit and believing he has the power to relieve you of them, making nuns and monks live away from society and often in silence." When I think about it, nothing appears to be normal about many Catholic traditions. ( omit bullet) Like for instance, not allowing priest to marry, or to tell a priest every sin you committed, and believing that he has the power to forgive you of them. How about the making of nuns, or monks to live away from society sometimes in silence. This are only suggestions for you,everyone develops their own writing style.
Try not to use the word As, or So to start a sentence. The title was appropriate. The content, and the personal comments, and reflections were excellent points. You did get your message out. Good luck in future writings, because you will be good at it.
I enjoyed this parody very much. Very funny, good writing. Good imagination, especially with the flip flop characters with the avengers. Even as funny as it is, the sad thing is it is almost a true story. Sarah Palin the groups munitions expert not that's funny! Talk about something blowing up in your face. I didn't see anything that needed changing, good job of writing, and keep it up, look forward to more.
Very good writing in this story. You captured the feeling, and emotions very well. I like how you bounced by and forth, with the emotions and thoughts, of the audience, and the tiny dancer. A great testimony to a young dancer, with her learned skills, growing in her pride and self esteem. Keep up the good writing.
I like this poem, it has good flow. The rhythm, and rhyme is very good. The title is also appropriate. The wording is good. it is a poem of being afraid , because time is slipping by, and you feel you haven't spent the time well or where you really wanted to. You have touch them, and i think they know that you miss them. You can tell your love for them is great. Your time is not over yet, maybe you can't stop time from ticking away. I say through out the clock, and live your life.
What a wonderful piece written about a dream. I love dream, and to decipher them. This is writing with such richness, and beauty, it needs nothing to let it be told. The dream is quite clear, and direct to you. I am so glad that you wrote this down, and shared it with us. The story it very uplifting, and gives a sense of hope to all. You mother sounds like a great person, with a lot of love to give. I am sorry for your loss. You are a very good writer, please continue on.
Good writing. The story was done really well, and very exciting. You did a good job portraying the character in this short story. I can not see any errors that need fixing. The title I don't understand. The description under it explains it some what. In my opinion I think that the title could use improvement, so that it would be a little more of an eye catcher for some one. Congratulations on a good well written story.
A good title for this poem. the rhyme is good. It is sad that you feel you have wasted a life in this poem. I never know if it is from the heart, or just a piece of fiction writing. The line I stifled my talents, my ego was nil,. From my look at life this would be the opposite. My ego was high, I didn't listen to anyone, and wasted my talents. None the less, looking for forgiveness a the end of your life is better late then never. It is a message of hope though, so that's good enough for me. Good writing, best of luck in a your endeavors.
Good writing of this poem. Nice flow and rhyme. Good idea of topic, using commercials. It showed clever innovation, and style. One small mistake there is just one L in Walgreens. The line, But it could ride by that sea shore, I think should be written different, May something like-That could be driven by the seashore. or But could drive along the seashore. Just a suggestion. You did a good job with this piece.
Very nicely written poem. It has good flow, and rhyme. Title is appropriate. The line - my heart had beat out an infinite tattoo, I don't know what that was suppose to mean, hopefully he does. I think the line - these days we'd spend last, needs rewording. Maybe something like- these days spent would be the last. The Am I? sounds in the beginning like a positive question, where you knew the answers. The Am I questions towards the end seems like someone with regrets. All in all I like this poem, there's love in your heart.
Happy Valentine's Day from a fellow Dream Team group member.
Very beautiful and nicely writing. I love these dreams, they are so sensual (appealing to the senses). The title is good. I didn't see anything that needed to be changed. I really can't say I much I really love this story, and how it is writing. I can imagine myself being there. I reminds me of the sixth meditation, Shiva-Shakti. Keep Writing, you are very good.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rickyj
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.15 seconds at 3:52pm on Nov 04, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "