This is definitely interesting. It was a little hard for me to follow (then again Im only 19, and really not the brightest crayon in the coloring box lol, so it would probably be easier for someone older than me to follow) but I did get the jist of it. I like how you write in first perspective, usually I prefer a third person style but this really works for what you are writing. It is very detailed and I can tell you put a lot of thought into exactly what words to use without making it seem overthought.
Cute parody on take your kid to work day. I dont quite understand why you said "Thats what Im going to do officer." Its a bit confusing. Otherwise it put a smile on my face reading this.
Another excellent chapter. I like that you have continued on with your subtle humour. Harmony seems like a very proud but down to earth charactor, which I like. I almost wish I knew more about Harmony as a charator but with the way you write it I feel, as the reader, that you are going to unveil everything at once in the next chapter or two... perhaps right after the tournament.
I did notice what I think may be a typo in this sentence : “Defeated a dozen or so beast that strayed into Wondon Port.” Harmony replied.
I think beast was supposed to be beasts.
I also thought rewriting this sentence: “Fire.” He answers, without a moment’s hesitation." like this “Fire.” He answers, without a moment’s hesitation, "... or you can cut their heads off." Might add some humour for those that do not see the subtlties as you mentioned before that the best way to kill most things is to cut their heads off (except for a hydra maybe :P).
Overall great work. I definitely liked this and am looking forward to the next chapter.
A really great piece. I like the humor spreckled throughout. I almost wish I knew what a nargrit is... sounds like a pesky little creature. Im asuming that the queue is for the arena but you really have to read into it for that... I almost wish you had said the queue for the arena fighters or something like that. I like the simple descriptions... I didnt feel bored by tedious little details that some authors have in there work.
Overall great piece! Im looking forward to the next chapter! Keep writing :D
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