Quotable Quote: “In seconds he slammed on the accelerator, and we blazed toward that unreachable horizon.” I know I’ve heard it before, but “unreachable horizon” tickles me.
Technicalities: Second sentence, second paragraph – …a relatively but not necessarily curiously isolated language… Three descriptors for one noun. It feels like too much; there’s a lot of –ly in that sentence.
Later in the paragraph – …postdoc with a slight obsession … Slight obsession? Is there such a thing?
Third paragraph – I don’t see the link between Budapest and England. I don’t really see how either fits, to tell the truth. They’re random injections without context to define their place in the journey.
Also third paragraph – You use a lot of parentheses. I’d be careful about that – it tends to interrupt the flow.
Third paragraph, second sentence – … and the final leg on Malev airlines…Airlines should be capitalized.
You need a space between the fourth and fifth paragraphs to keep the formatting consistent.
Seventh paragraph, about the traffic – The rush hour jams stem from the countries cancerous economic growth almost all the cars… Should be country’s. Also, y’need a comma before almost.
Eighth paragraph – …it is merely unnervingly raw. There’s the –ly brigade again. Nothing wrong with it per se, it’s just noticeable.
Interpretations: Your description of the buildings are spot-on. I love the reference to the Eastern Bloc and the fact that, despite the similar blueprints, they’ve taken pains to make them different. The addition of the ATM in the airport is a good touch, as well.
Also, the demographic remarks at the start of the piece set a good tone for the rest. One must have an idea of what they’re venturing into to properly prepare themselves for it.
Parting Shot: Great work. It almost feels like I went on the trip myself. Then again, my vocabulary's not that good.
Solitude (E) A young mother faces her first time away from her children. #1375769 by Jaye P. Marshall
First Impression: It’s hard to let go.
Quote of the Work: “Every room rang with silence.” I can hear that little whine in this sentence, the one that’s only audible when it’s completely quiet.
Spelling & Grammar: When she rests in the chair: She closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths and concentrated on the vibrations that seemed to be penetrating from the atmosphere. Slowly a feeling of warm, calmness filled her being. You don’t need a comma in the last sentence. As for the first one, I have a hard time following “penetrating vibrations.” I’m thinking it means something along the lines of soaking in the silence, but I’m not sure.
When she’s checking off their schedule: They’d now be leaving for the airport . . . About now they’d be checking their luggage . . . Then searching out their gate. You capitalize each line after an ellipsis. If you want to capitalize it, use periods instead. Otherwise don’t capitalize them.
When she spots her children: At length, a slightly familiar form broke from the pack and waved. Slightly familiar? She’s a mother. I see intimately familiar, not slightly. Just me.
Very minor stuff.
Interpretations: I picked up a few parallel themes from this piece. First was the terror of self-reliance; isolation is something craved mostly when it cannot be had. I saw a brief look at the price we pay for a family – the loss of self-identity, a trade of independence for the warmth of being needed. People want to be needed.
Final Thoughts: Nicely done. I have little for you. Your work stands on its own.
-Ren
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