"I am one who lives not as you have lived, and will not die as you shall die," the deep blackness below said. The voice seeming to contain a great gulf of night within itself. Imagining a wolfish crocodile issuing the utterance was horrifyingly easy for him.
I felt you could make this declaration stronger. Your descriptions throughout the piece made me visualize the characters and setting. This seemed to fall a bit flat compared to the rest of the story.
The only other suggestion I have is that some of the sentences seemed a little long and caused me to reread them to get the meaning. You might need to do a little tweaking here and there. Overall, I think the piece is well-written and you did a great job of bringing your characters to life.
I hope this review was helpful. Thanks for sharing your talent.
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