A very pleasant and enjoyable read. You've done very very well!
Precious moments put to words
My favourite part """"
"From the time I was a babe
Swaddled in mother’s arms,
My tears were a call to attention;
A love-needed-now alarm """""'
The only stumble I found was the second last verse, it seemed to hesitate there a bit.
Nothing serious, This is your poem and you have done wonderfully!
Well, if that is a poor effort, I want to see your good ones.
I thourougly enjoyed the writing style, the images, and the wording.
My favourite part would be
"Longing
To see her face
Its eyes of emerald gems
Without its glow
Breathless"
A very moving descriptive verse. Great work!
This piece is put together very nicely in my opinion and I see nothing I could alter to improve it.
I see great promise in this work, but it does not match its own style. Some poems do not need flow, and some of yours does, other parts are choppy.
If I had to alter it, and by no means should you if you like it as is.
""Sorry baby, I was living in my past again
Full of shame
Full of sin ""
would become
Sorry baby, I was living in my past again
Drenched in shame and full of sin
consider my opinion just one opinion and Keep Writing, i did enjoy this.
A very moving piece, a story told in short sentences, I did notice the line "monotony stales", to me Monotony is stale, and should not be overstated that way, could I offer
"monotony pervails"
Just a suggestion.
An excellant descriptive work.
Truely well "spoken" words.
The style of the poem, different than I prefer, almost annoyed me, but the message in the words kept me reading.
I thank you for your work!
Wonderfull!
An amazing testimonial to the one you love. This should be framed in her soul and spend eternity reminding her of the inspiration she has brought you.
Well worded, and carefully thought out pledge of devotion, feel free to send me similiar works, I would gladly read them and "critique" if you want.
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