Interesting. The younger generation did commentary was relatable.
It seems the father in the poem wanted that his children never relate to what he had to overcome.Yet he held them to standards he had made for himself.
Is it disrespect to express discontent of having to live in the gap between what one's father worked so hard to provide them yet with stringent standards they really do not have to undergo just because he did?
Interesting how the dad achieved what he wanted and was it just for himself? Or for his offspring? How then, in either case, the children be driven to feel they are never good enough as the people of their father's past made him feel?
This poem was engaging in particular for me because it echoes a similar personal experience.
I enjoyed the story. The humanity of the two characters is portrayed well. The severity / beauty of nature is, as well. The wolves hunger juxtaposed with Brother's was clever. Walker was a complex character and details into her reactions and motivations would have been nice (e.g., why did she seem so creeped out by religion? how did she become so skilled in outdoor survival?). Nevertheless, it kept me reading.
Recommendations: tantalize is spelled with a 'z' not an 's'
Commentary: The last two lines...the last one makes sense. The one before about 'something nice'...was that you tongue-in-cheek saying that you are to punish yourself, as well?
I like the hope you give with the repeating refrain of god knows and sees all.
I wish that you would have included seeing your son again in paradise.
I wanted to know what happened to the son who fell ill.
The ten commandments seemed to be an admonition for the reader to be 'good'--is that right?
Is heaven, then, earned?
Clearly there is a beautiful vision for this piece. The introductory stanzas that they appear to be presented as, though, are confusing. Are the readers also on the planet of the unicorns or a different one where the scrolls were found? The reference to Paul Bunyan was completely out of place unless the story is told from Earth in the future when history of this planet favoring history from the Western continents is still learned as other galaxies are explored and scrolls of antiquity from those alien planets join in Earth's folklore...or...
Maybe this was the first fleshing out of a brainstorm and with some editions it will be an irresistible read.
Very fascinating. Graphic at times but not tastelessly. Valeria is an interesting character. The little guy's personality beyond falling for a pretty, older lady could use a little more development in order to get empathy for his love pangs and sympathy for his shrunken state.
Wow. I enjoyed reading that. Thank you for sharing. The repeating stanza of 'what army can fight as anrmy of none and succeed without shot or powder or gun' is powerful.
Nice.The writing needs some editing (spelling and all that). The over-reliance on a U.S.A. perspective as well as masculine identifiers of an entire species of male and female do not sound like we are being viewed and commented on from the outside looking in, but rather from the inside looking out...wishing, as a male, to be alien to our ways, perhaps? Clever.
I found this to be a profound poetic reflection of your personal woe. Speaking of "your" that is the possessive form and you used it where I believe you meant to use the contraction "you're" for you are.
Sara, the 90's and early part of this century did have better music. This was mostly because the singers, song composers, and musicians shared your angst.
I am not sure if you were trying to make an ironic statement about modern, uneducated spelling/grammar by purposely making grammatical errors, but, if so, kudos!
The education deficit of today was well claimed and demonstrated in a deliberate poetic representation (i.e., via the omission of necessary commas and possessive apostrophes as well as the failure to spell out 'okay' in favor of the abbreviation OK). If this was purposely done, then I further applaud you the ironic accusation of narcissism. How poignant to lecture from a proverbial soapbox about the narcissism of others while subtly postulating as though you are better than everyone else or at least aim for better.
I am duly impressed (very Jonathan Swift of you). On the off-chance that this was not orchestrated purposely, I would have to then advise refreshing your grammar and syntax proficiency.
Nevertheless, even if this was accidentally accomplished in a frustrated rant, there have been many acclaimed pieces of art and especially science gained initially or in part by accident.
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