This poem reads like an incantation. The rhythmic and airy sensation developed through rhyme and repetition here underplays the uncertainty expressed in the very first stanza, “I beg you to stay/God please . . .”
The morning, to me, expresses the light of reason or experience, the dawning of new desires that are more practical than the divine. I like this implicit metaphor. It’s an attractive expression of emotion, but the delivery is weak tea.
As I read the poem again and again its significance deteriorates – rhyme over reason – and I loose interest. There’s nothing unexpected here, or especially poignant. It made me want to read James Fenton’s “God a Poem” (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/god-a-poem/) again. Take a gander. It verbalizes similar stuff.
It’s hard to find fresh expressions for old experiences, and I like your instinct to use simple language. I suggest thinking about the essence of what you want to say, because in places what you say here gets lost in fancy.
But don’t leave this review discouraged! You’ve hit a sore spot in the human psyche that’s worth kneading it out.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:12pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "