I really enjoyed reading your piece. You seem to have knack for powerful description. I like how you use adjectives without going too overboard like some people do. I also like your sentence structure, which isn't repetitive at all.
One thing I would work on is using more punctuation - some of your sentences run on, and I think with more commas they would be easier to read. For example: I look around to see what awoke me, because usually the nightmare continues until I feel the cold metal blade against my throat , shortly before the cops had burst in
Also, although most of your descriptors are great, some of your word choices left me a little puzzled. For example, how does a voice "slither"?
Anyway, overall good work, and i hope you keep writing!
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