\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pzakaras
Review Requests: OFF
326 Public Reviews Given
453 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 ... Next
1
1
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
And while we're at it, I can't understand why this piece didn't knock the socks off the reviewers in the contest!

You continue to astound me, my dearest friend, with not only your technical ability, but with your capacity to totally surrender to the needs of the poem!

Paul
2
2
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Oh my dear Robin,
you are such a magnificent human being, with such a brightly burning fire! You nearly cause me to wish I were a religious person. Yes, I believe in God, definitions notwithstanding. It's RELIGION which confounds and disturbs my poor soul!

But just between you and me sweetheart, if I were to ever embrace religion, 'tis the Jewish perspective I'd pursue! For many if not all of the points you bring up in this fine piece.

However, not to be misleading, it's still your wonderful poetry I love!!!

You have a lovely family, my dear.

L'chaim... (I hope that's correct) *Worry*

Your friend and supporter,
Paul
3
3
Review of LOVE IS...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there, Maria...

I'm Paul, doing this review for
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1563951 by Not Available.


Boy, do you use some great imagery here!

...a rushing river passing over jagged rocks...

...spectacular gazing upward from a raft or peering over a precipice...

...love is a medicine... raises the dead...

MY, you really nail it , for my money. This is something special to read, and I'm very glad you submitted it!

Good luck in the contest, and

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y ! ! !*Balloon1**Gift1**Balloon2**Gift2**Balloon3**Gift3*

Paul
4
4
Review of Backseat Driver  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ShiShad.

I'm Paul, and this review is for
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1563951 by Not Available.


Having never been a fan of Acrostics, still, I think you did a marvelous job with the monorhyme. I'm big on meter and rhyme, and while the meter was not specific, one rhyme successfully repeated fourteen times deserves to be acknowledged. That is one mean feat!

If I was forced to nit pick, the only glitch in an otherwise fairly smooth rhythm flow would be the word stolen, which seems to stretch the otherwise quite readable meter of the rest of the poem.

Nice job. (Glad I didn't have to deal with the Backseat passenger!) *Laugh*

Good luck in the contest!

Paul
5
5
Review of A MANLY THING?  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Bravo, mon Docteur!

An excellent illustration of how unsuspecting males can set themselves up to be emasculated, yea, even by an inebriated Blonde! I had to wipe my eyes. Then I read it to my 14yr old son, who was highly impressed with the imagery.

Thanks. Good to see your particular style once again. *Bigsmile*

And thanks for pointing this lil' gem out to me.


Paul
6
6
Review of My Plea  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave, thanks for the entry, and the new form!

Cornish Sonnet, eh? Well, you kept to the form quite well, and I can follow the drift from beginning to end, so I'd have to say it's successful.

However, I find the form itself tends to disrupt the smooth flow normally found in sonnets, and for me, flow is everything. I can live with a missed syllable, if that works, but this particular form just seems to be swimming against the current, if you get my drift?

Still, not the fault of the writer, and you have done a neat job here. More courageous than I would be, certainly. *Smile*

Good luck in the voting phase, m'friend.

Paul
7
7
Review of Lust or Love?  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there, and let me thank you for dropping by the Cafe and leaving something for the Committee to consider. *Smile*

Men and Women.

Yeah, different would be an understatement, without a doubt!

But, on to your poem...

I do like the premise, and how you illuminate the points of loving to the poor male who, unfortunately, hasn't yet learned to try to understand the object (YOU) of his passions and desires. Hell, he's not yet even capable of putting words to his passions and desires. I personally believe this situation of men reaching their sexual peak at @ 18-25 years, and women at @ 35-40 is a tremendous joke played on humans by the Universe/Godhead/Nature... *Rolleyes*

I did find the reading periodically "bumpy", and I think you may have a grammatical error or two (which I shall elaborate on privately, if you wish.)... hence the 4 rating.

I cannot agree more with a couple of your lines, however:

"Just my body, or my heart too?"

"Can you make my heart sing?"

"When the love is right, I go with the flow."

Very good, and again, thanks for dropping by the Cafe! *Bigsmile*

Good luck in the voting phase, Lotta!

Paul
8
8
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Koyel, and thank for your entry in Le Cafe... *Smile*
And while I'm at it, WELCOME to WDC!!! Glad to read ya!!!

This seems a wonderfully succinct poem of openness to the world of Spring... Life and Love in bloom, and the world IS a marvelous thing to experience? Am I close?

Thank you again for your poem, and good luck in the voting phase! *Bigsmile*

Paul
9
9
Review of Pink Boot  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lou-Here By His Grace Author Icon, and thank you for the charming entry. *Smile*

As I say, charming. Nice and simple- no underlying message waiting to be revealed...
just a childs' boot, lost in mounting snow, alone, hoping I suppose to be found again. And when the child finds her boot, she's not distressed nor upset, but genuinely happy to have found it... and reunited, the two of them go their way, each giving to the other.

'Leastways, such is what I took away after reading it.

Personally, I would have preferred to see a bit more regularity in the meter from verse to verse, but ultimately, it's still a charming poem, and it works!

Again, thank you for sharing with us, and I hope you'll come again in the future?

Good luck in the voting phase. *Bigsmile*

Paul
10
10
Review of Praying  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
You know, this is a pretty stunning poem!

Those quiet, dark moments alone with ourselves... yes, you'd think that would be the optimum opportunity, when life and the loud world aren't infringing!

Whether God exists or not, we know we exist! And if we do, than anything else is most certainly possible. Why not?

As I say, a stunning poem! You should stop by my Cafe, and share more of yourself with us...

Paul
11
11
Rated: E | (5.0)
Robin, this is so well written. So much the style I've come to know and expect whenever I read one of your poems.

But the subject concerns me, and so I have to ask, if you'll allow it: Does this poem reflect a current reality in your life? I fear so, yet hope fervently that I've only been caught in the trap of a great poet wringing out a piece which the reader can't help but believe to be a revelation of actual events!

But real or not, yet another majestic work from a majestic soul!

You MUST come to
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1437989 by Not Available.
and post something! I'm not insisting, but I AM whining. *Wink*
12
12
Review of Au Revoir...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Robin! Surprised???

High time I got back to being a breathing member of this site!

This is a bit of a surprise for me... but I suppose only because there's so much of you in your portfolio, and I've only touched the surface.

That's great.

I like what you've done with this piece. The testy flavor of it, so to speak.

...However...

In the third verse, last line:

(The kind that's sought from above)...

This line is the only one in the entire poem that is NOT eight syllables, or beats... however you wish to define it. It's seven and that throws the rhythm right into the toilet!. In that light, it waves a flag and calls attention to itself quit outside of the poem.

Hmm. What to do? (Not that I have a ready to hand answer. But I'm thinking...)



How 'bout something like: The God who's Soul we're all part of!

Dunno. Just a thought... not even a suggestion.

You go girl! (I love being able to say that realistically!) *Bigsmile*

Paul
13
13
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my Robin,

Sorry I am for you, and your mother. I don't have experience with Alzheimer's, personally, but my mother has Dementia, in full bloom. It's so debilitating for those who still remember "Mom" yesterday...

Please give this a read sometime:

"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

I understand, in my own way...

Paul
14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done Robin!

Poetically, I love this. And as far as storytelling, you've carried me along beautifully.Though I'm male, the experience of war seems to me to be on somewhat of a parallel, experientially speaking, with childbirth. How can you really comprehend the reality in advance of the reality?

And by then, it's too late to go back... to undo it... to take it back!

Well done. Right On Writing!

Paul
15
15
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again, Robin.

My, you leave no stone unturned, do you? I'm very proud to have made your acquaintance, you know?

Isn't it fear? Isn't that what this poem highlights? Man's inability to look himself/herself square in the eye and ask "Who am I?" "What makes me me?

No, 'tis so much easier to look outward, and judge that which we find lacking in our own hearts as less than we wish to consider ourselves to already be!

~sigh~

Man's Inhumanity To Man cannot begin to explain...

Great.
Exasperating, yet great!

Another wonderful job!

Paul
16
16
Review of More Lysol!  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Way to churn 'em out Ben!

What is this, #15 by now? *Laugh*

I'd make suggestions, that is, if there were any to make. You're an amazingly gifted writer of rhyme, and I for one, appreciate it.

(Hope things are working out in your "day job"...)

Here's to seeing you back in the Cafe, when the situation permits!

Paul
17
17
Review of Deceiver  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Adrian. Welcome to the Cafe, and thanks for the entry! *Smile*

3.5? I can hear it. Well, as a reader, this is what occurred to me after reading this poem...

A moment of introspection. Ok, I'm good so far. But then it never gives me enough information to follow! Oh the pain, the distress is there, and obvious... but really, all I can discern is someone standing in the open tenement, hoping that others may benefit from what has either befallen them, or that the consequences of their actions has brought them to this current point in life.

"Look upon me, and learn the lesson NOW, while you still may!" Is what I get.

I get, I think, the point you're driving at, the impetus. But you don't really give me, the reader, enough to go on, without having to turn to my own interpretations. I need to KNOW how you got to this point. I need to know why you're "witnessing", so to speak. Further, it's unclear why your targets are children, as in your line:

"To enter one must forgive himself,
To (Too) high I think a cost.

Is any child truly in need of this kid of advice?

Anyway, that's what occurred to me when I read this.
You've the makings of a really good poem, and I think, a serious award winner. It just doesn't seem ready as is, yet.

As always, these are just my thoughts. It's always always possible I've missed or misinterpreted something, and if you believe so, please, get back with me and tell me what it may be?

I sincerely applaud what you've addressed in this poem. I hope my suggestions may be helpful, as I never presume to know another writers' intent!

Paul
18
18
Review of Troubadour  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Howdy Dave, good to see you back in the Cafe. *Smile*

I really enjoyed the different rhyme scheme employed in this poem... once I realized the difference, it just sort of carried me along, which was great.

Thought you did a wonderful job of telling us what made the singer's lifestyle stroke the strings of his soul, then following with the counter-point of trying to decide if going for the Brass Ring, which was perhaps beginning to be somewhat visible down a "different road" , would indeed be worth it, or if it'd only end up destroying the contented peace of his life as it's now moving along.

Nice, very nice!

Good luck in the voting phase. *Bigsmile*

Paul
19
19
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, my friend, and let me thank you for your entry in this round. *Smile*

May I be honest with you?

I believe that if this poem were in actuality, lyrics to a song, given the reality of an existing tune for it, it would carry so much more strength!

As a poem, although you do follow the pentameter perfectly, still, the reading is somewhat "bumpy" and requires a concerted effort. And in the 2nd verse, the words balance and askance read too differently, inflection-wise, to fit the flow. Balance= BAL-unce, and Askance= us-KANCE. Dunce, and Dance. It becomes necessary to read one or the the other abnormally.

I hope you understand my driving point?

Thanks again for your entry, Khalish. Hope to see you again in future rounds!

Paul
20
20
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again, Robin. *Smile*

Nothing sly about what you've written here, is there? The only sad thing about this poem is you're basically singing to the choir, in that the ones who get what you're saying are already "converted", as it were...

Those who might benefit from some soul searching, some awareness of what has been wrought by good ol' "W" and his lack of respect for the country, the world, and humanity, will never be convinced... else they'd have to admit to their personal inadequacies and fears... and that just wouldn't do!

Alas...

If I may, I should like to draw your attention to the 11th line...
It's my thought that the word neigh should be nay, as "neigh" is the sound a horse makes, while "nay" connotes a negative. *Smile*

While the former may indeed be the sounds "W" makes when he pontificates poorly, the negative is seemingly what you were after in the line. Thinks I. *Laugh*

Right On Writing, as I prefer to say it.

Paul
21
21
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, Robin,
I so want to use expletives in praising your skill and style in poetry...

You, friend, are masterful and divinely skilled in meter and rhyme!
I've just spent the last several minutes reading, no, meandering, through your port, and not one item has been unworthy of my time and effort!

This particular piece as well.
You should know, I'm neither Jewish nor Christian... Yet I'm drawn to the sanctity of the soul's light, and so, am drawn to your work, which shines!

Wonderful! Enlightening and invigorating!

I'll be back, soon. *Smile*

Paul
22
22
Review of Blood on Stone  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh, very well done!

I almost felt as if I were indeed in the cathedral witnessing the event. You spin the tale well, and fairly keep to the facts, such as they are... yet giving us the perspective of one of the everyday people who most assuredly were on the cathedral grounds was a nice touch!

Brava!

Paul
23
23
Review of Breaking memory  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Clark Joseph Author Icon, and thank you for entering this round!*Smile*

Hmm, you're thinking, a 3.5! What's that about?

Well, I'll tell you...

Firstly, what you have written is very neatly written, the construct is well done, and the rhyme and meter are very good! What you have reads well- and that is important!

...However...

It seems incomplete. Rather like the middle of a thought... or perhaps the germ of a thought...

But as a reader I find myself asking: "What did I miss at the beginning? And where would you have me go from here?"

This has the seed of a great poem, but it needs more! What brought you to this point, how did you arrive here? And more importantly, if you wish the reader to make the trip with you, you must take them there... !

Don't abandon this as it is... there must be more yet to be written!
I hope there is more!

This is too good to not have more, my friend!

Thank you for submitting it...

Paul
24
24
Review of Just a Farmer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Ben,

Thanks for hanging in for the 2nd round! *Smile*

You really are quite good with meter and rhyme you know? And entertaining to boot!*Bigsmile* I don't know if you have to work at it or not, but I'd suffer to guess not...

Really laughed at this: I flipped the switch, but got no light.

Bon Chance with the voting, amigo!

Paul
25
25
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very nicely said, Lizzie!

Very nicely said indeed. I especially resonated with: "I send my book out into the world, like a young mother, sending her child to kindergarten. *Smile*
That's so true! ('Cept, of course for me, I'd be a father, and be sending off my poetry!)

This is very refreshing, your extended explanation. Thanks for putting it out here for us to get a better view of you!

Paul
77 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pzakaras