Good flash, with a beginning, middle, ending, nice twist at the end. Like the sci-fi theme, too, and 'Eden' as the main character as well as doing double duty as the setting for your flash story. I was surprised at the beginning that your character was a tree, but you pulled it off. Good job!
Nice rhyming scheme, like the poem's subject of nature, one of my favorites, especially like the endng, 'thunder calls my name'. Would maybe change the title a bit, but that's just me, maybe to Lonely Little Hill, instead of The Hill, it just jazzes it up a little. Good job!
Good erotic romance. The two main characters give a glimpse into their personalities. Like the opening of the body shop, and the role playing sequence which has dialogue that moves the scene forward. Franks is hesistant while Beth seems to know how to push his buttons. Good job!
Enjoyed reading your poem, it was fun. The stanzas were even except for the last one, which contains the word 'duress'. Maybe you could find a word that fits better with consciousness as it seems to throw off the whole cohesiveness of the poem. Liked the title, too. Good job!
Liked your short story. I liked the descriptions of the main character and the secondary characters as well. I usually don't like wake up and brush teeth/ drink cup of coffee/eat breakfast beginnings in stories, because they get bogged down, but you've managed it quite nicely here and the rest of the story flows from it. You've captured the despair of the character and paint some good emotions as well. Good job!
Very nice poem, heartfelt and full of yearning to be with someone who is gone. Your stanzas are even and do not have any superflous words. I didn't see any errors or spelling mistakes. I like your poem's title as well, very descriptive. Your ending seems abrupt, and you could perhaps add on to it if you wanted to. Good job!
Great flash! You kept me guessing until the end. Never even thought about the twist, lol. The only thing that was confusing for me was the third paragraph that switched to the cat's viewpoint. Perhaps you could rewrite this or edit it so it's not so jarring to the reader. Over all, a great read! Good job!
Ha ha, this was great! Love the beginning and the ending, didn't seem trite to me at all. I was surprised at the twist at the beginning, when I realized the main character was a pair of boxer shorts, but you pulled it off. I would change the title, though, because at first I thought the story was about two boxers who were different, you know, fighters, lol. Great job!
Good structure, and use of words that convey emotion and loss. I could feel your pain through the words. I can relate as I had an aunt who got early onset alzheimer's. And the knees, well, my Dad had bad knees, and believe me, I wish he'd never gotten that operation, as he was miserable, and later got Leukemia. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful man, and what a wonderful way to honor him with a poem. Good job.
I am unfamiliar with this style of poem, but good job! Well written and suncint, to the point. You packed a lot of information into this poem, about heeding the 'writing on the wall'. The ignorant in the end do 'cry and wail'. I also like your title, as it aptly describes what you've written in the poem.
Cute limerick type poem, I enjoyed reading it, and good twist at the end, as well. I would change the title, but that's me, lol. I imagine the deceased could be someone who ate that blue gravy, as well as a loved one at a Wake. Good job, and keep writing!
If this is a flash that's limited to a hundred words, not bad. Yancy's character is revealed through action, which is what you're limited to in flash, as you've not a lot of room for description. Not a real big twist at the end, but it's ended satisfactorily by the mother getting her revenge. Good job!
Good flash. Like the juxtaposition of both characters, Jessica and Mathis, their motions giving good clues to the reader about their personalities. The sci-fi of having new skin in the future is believable to me, as well. I would maybe tweak the title of this piece, but that is up to you. Good job, keep writing.
Heh, love this, from the viewpoint of an archvillain, and wonderfully funny as well. I can just see the main character rapping out orders to 'evacuate' their headquarters, ha ha. Good flash!
These chapters are very intriguing and a good read. You have a misspelling in the first chapter, should be curtsy, not courtesy. I like your main character, she is well drawn and very independent. I like first person narration, it's my favorite viewpoint. I like the background, too, of a grim future ala Hunger Games, you've done a good job of painting it to the reader. Good job! Keep writing.
Your poem moves smoothly in one piece and I like that it's sing song as well. My favorite part is disease/medicine, and the stanza with dreams/feathers/wings, giving it an airy aura. I love quills and had one when I was a child, I don't remember who gave it to me. I thought they were so cool, and still do, especially when I saw that my favorite classic authors used them, such as the Bronte sisters. I hope to visit their museum next time my husband goes back to visit his family in Lancashire, as it's not too far away. Great ending and beginning as well. Good job! Keep writing.
This is a nice little romance. I don't believe I've ever read one with a medical background to it, so that was interesting. Your characters are well drawn and developed and all the parts were there, beginning, middle, and end. Story had a good and well paced ending, not rushed. Liked the title, too. Didn't see any grammar nits or ackward sentencing. Liked the bits of flashback that filled in what had happened beforehand between the two characters. Though the heroine's future is uncertain, the love of the surgeon will pull her through. Good job, and keep writing.
What can I say? Best piece of writing I've read in a long time. The main character was believable, and it was heartbreaking to see him remembering his wife through his routine. Though you could have continued this piece, you chose to end it just right, it didn't need much more to frame the emotions you conveyed about this man and his loneliness in missing his wife. The secondary character, Jessica, is also believable in that she is trying to understand her client by being gentle yet firm. The pace of this writing piece is just right, and I saw no grammar or any other editing you need to do to make it better. The dialogue also helps to break up the story and make it even better. I really like the title, too. My sister in law takes care of elderly people and I saw what she went through with her own Mom, so this story rings very true to me, even though it's fictional. Good job, Northerner, and keep up the good work.
Hi Tom,
Liked your story, though I thought the ending was just a tiny bit rushed. You did a good job of tying up the ends. Your character is intriguing, and leaves open the impression he is either insane or maybe being tormented by something. I like Kafkaesque tales. I didn't see any grammar or sentence mistakes. Good description of the apartment complex and character sketches of the manager and his father as well. Good job, keep writing.
I think you need more description of what happened on the wedding day, it seemed too abrupt the way you ended it. I like the way you framed the story of a tale being told to a child, it seemed a perfect way to show a slice from the series of Lord of The Rings books. The dialogue seemed natural, the way I imagine it coming from Samwise from the books. Since this fanfiction you should just show what happened in the movie, and have Aragorn kiss his elven princess.
I enjoyed reading your piece. Keep up the great work!
I really enjoyed your poem, especially tonight of all nights. It's too bad a lot of people don't have and keep this glorious idea or realize just how precious it is. Thanks for the reminder.
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