Well, I know slightly better if it comes to short story.
Rating:
The reason I give you this rating isn't because it's boring or anything, but simply because I found plenty of ineffective clauses and less-emphasized phrases. I will explain it deeper in the next section.
Narrative:
Note that this story actually flows quite slowly, with the only event that's going on is an old person (I don't know it's he or she) having more cigarette than allowed. And as you can see from what I have just said, you actually have succeeded to give an impression that the character is actually quite old, and this is quite emphasized in the phrase "The smoke curls up from between my trembling fingers". This is why I give you a bonus point -- it's very simple, and yet effective.
Yet, not all of them is as effective as this. I believe you use too many shorten clauses, and this just disturbs the flow a little. An example of this is the first sentence:
The smoke curls up from between my trembling fingers, dancing in the breeze of the whining AC, taunting me to go ahead and inhale, deep and slow, lifting the cigarette to my lips.
You can actually separate it into smaller sentences, like:
The smoke curls up from between my trembling fingers, dancing in the breeze of the whining AC. And as I'm looking down at that little cigarette on my hand, I notice how it taunts me to go ahead and inhale.
You can use more variations, of course, but also notice that lifting the cigarette to my lips is actually meant to the smoker, but the way you said it, it's almost as if the cigarette is the one who is about to do it. Watch out in these little details.
Other than that, you might also want to check this clause:
knowing that I should stop but not yet allowing myself to make that choice.
As a matter of fact, you do have told us about this in the previous sentence, so it's actually rather redundant. You might want to revise it, too.
Remember, you can choose whether to use my suggestion or not. It's still your story, and I'm here just to help you out with it!
Character:
Nothing much to say here. From what I get, the smoker is rather stubborn and quite old (just like what I have said before),though I also get impression that he couldn't care less about this world. The last sentence actually suggests that he's dying, and the cause of this is probably a cancer from too much smoking. And yet, instead of stopping what he was doing, he couldn't resist the influence of cigarette. Yes, I can say that he's completely addicted to it.
Grammar:
1. It is a stale, damp, familiar taste, like fresh cut grass in the morning and something sad I think it would be better like It has a stale, damp and familiar taste -- like a fresh cut grass in the morning..s. I don't understand the meaning of "something sad", though.
2. I cough, the smoke an only too familiar black dragon trying to claw its way out of me. This sentence is rather confusing, but I believe you would have to take off the "I cough" clause and make it an independent sentence, and then repair the rest of it.
Oh, in addition, maybe you want to change "black dragon" metaphor. I don't think a dying old man usually uses that kind of metaphor. You might have to change it a little.
3. ...why not to finish this pack; it has always been my reason to stop, but I return. Try "keep returning" instead.
4. and I can't help but snuff out this butt and reach for the next. I'm not entirely sure about this one, but I believe it should be "snuffing".
5. so I can feel full, complete, and maybe, for once, somewhat happy. It's also rather redundant. How about "and, for once, happy"?
6. and I have to attempt to hide the evidence of my sins. I believe "and I have to hide the evidence of my sins" has been clear.
SEE YOU AROUND!!!
"Because all stories are worth-writing..." (Gifford, n.d.)
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