That was great! Politicians across the globe could take a lot from this writing, so many of them seem to be all words and happy thoughts rather than any type of substance. This piece has a almost myth like aspect, like something i would read in a fable book although it wouldn't be a shot (maybe a stab or something.)
Liked it a lot, hope you can check something of mine out, keep writing!
Very cool, like your word choice and style of the poem, has a sorta of charm about it that's hard to capture in a lot of writing in general. I was wondering how it would look if you did some stuff with the coloring of the font, say highlighted martian in a different color and/or font, just an idea.
Really liked it, hope you can check something of mine out, keep writing!
I liked it! It's an almost completely dialogue driven story but it doesn't feel like it with the main character and god/child/children report. You did an amazing job of making them seem otherworldly, both confusing and yet not confusing, prophetic and profound. Was there any significance to the jewelery and the makeup or was that simply to present themselves as more human to fool the character into taking their test?
All in all i really enjoyed it, hope you can stop by and read something of mine! Keep writing!
Really good, i like the time and effort you put into it and, since I'm twenty, i know exactly how the protagonist feels, hung out with my friends before and been sorta dumbfounded to discover that all of them were using their laptops and on facebook at the same time, it seems insane to be on a social networking site when your friends are right there, but that's just what passes for normal it would seem.
I can see why you got the award for this, it definitely makes me question my own time on the net. I think i might go for a walk.
Hope you can check something of mine out, keep writing.
Awesome! Was quirky and unique, I always admire those traits in any writing. The only fault i could see is a couple of references I didn't quite understand, but that might be through more my own lack of knowledge than any fault of your own. You absolutely knocked it out of the park with that ending, if you wrote this in a quick manner than I can only imagine what you could do with it given more time.
Hope you can come by and review something of mine, keep writing!
Interesting premise, have me looking forward towards the second. If i may offer some advice: developing the scene a little bit more, the weather the atmosphere the scenery, it helps play into the readers imagination. Also similes and metaphors are a writers best friend, try a few out in your next chapter.
Really good! Specifically the hallucinations he suffered were trippy and vivid, i liked the "balance" thing as well. Also your descriptions of his sense of touch were damn good. The only things that bothered me at all were a couple of transitions that i found confusing and the fact that he liked BBC. The UK has many anarchists due to the monarchy and what many believe an archaic and stupid system in having their taxes pay for them. As such there are tons of Brits who believe the BBC to be nothing more than a giant propaganda machine and there are even some evidence to suggest that this isn't just speculative paranoia. A anti government type guy whose also a writer for a magazine called "An Angry Anarchist" would hopefully know this.
Great story all in all, hope you review one of my few (most of them are brief.)
Pat
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pt44red
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 9:40am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
