The idea is very interesting and the concepts are fun. But I had trouble often with who was speaking, especially starting off. I would like to know more about how alcohol affects angels on a side note. I also found the narrative jumping a bit with leaps that I didn't understand what happened.
~Eddie
I'm not sure that I understand all of what your poem means. I do really like the imagery of the 7th and 8th lines, but then I'm especially lost with lines 9-11. If you are interested in enlightening me, I'm quite curious for some insight into your poem's meaning.
~Eddie
My attention was captured. Your story was well written. I wasn't expecting the captain to have his wife there in battle with him and was quite surprised by the revelation. There was a mistake I believe in the 8th sentence. (once instead of one) I believe is what you meant but I'm sure others have said something.
~Eddie
Change is a reoccurring frienemy throughout our lives. Sometimes its easier then other times. Each time is an opportunity to evaluate how much we've grown. Your words about reluctance towards change and its effects on your relationship with your "till now friend" sadden me. For in change there can and should be improvement. I dare say that I hope you are able to maintain a friendship with your roommate despite the straining months leading to this Goodbye. It's good to write down your thoughts about the matter. I find that it helps organize them so they can me made sense of, and being able to get feedback on your thoughts as I have in the past here on writing.com I think is also very helpful.
Courage is the right name for this short story. Courage isn't just going off to war or danger. It's facing the truth and telling your loved ones about your pain ever so much. It's being strong for the sake of those you love, despite the urge to run away screaming at the injustice. I don't know if you suffer from this affliction or if you have just written a story to illustrate the emotion but either way I applaud your words. I found the word "soon" to be the most pulling at my insides, because I can hear that being spoken.
Beautiful imagery. I especially like the line "So perhaps this Eden was not destiny at all,... I have gently closed the door to the home you own in my heart." My heart aches for the emotion that evoked these words. The truth sometimes hurts but usually its best to realize the truth early on.
~Eddie
I think these are the answers. Could you tell me if I got them all correct. I esspecially liked #6. The wording was also very well writen on #1 and #3.
#1 The moon
#2 A key
#3 Thing
#4 Chess
#5 Love
#6 Gold
#7 WWW
#8 Clock
Thank you for sharing them.
~Eddie
I like the two sentence rhyming, and the rhythm was great. It had a forcefulness to it like a forest fire does. It is strong at the beginning and middle but I was expecting more of a punch to the finish. Overall a good read. I will be reading some more of your work I'm sure.
~Eddie
A very interesting char. Is it a bio for a game? I didn't catch the name if it was. It's harder to navigate the site on my phone. It's too bad they never got together before everything happened. But at least he thinks of Tia as his sister. Seams like a stand up kind of guy.
That's a cute bit of writing. I like the bit about using the bed bugs of "his" hotels. It brings up the thought that if he were a good hotel owner that made sure to take care of these things he wouldn't have a problem but since we know he hasn't because of the way he's treating her we know he is going to get the full effects of her spell.
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