The story was okay, but you failed to use proper punctuation. There weren't any commas where they should've been placed, and honestly, it made it a bit hard to follow.
Some of your character development was a bit off.
"Detective remound Lewis hated his job he gave his heart to this job."
If he hates it, why would he give his heart to something like this? Is he a hard worker? It'd help to list something like that.
You also had issues with spelling.
"these puncher wounds on her neck." Things like this make a story harder to follow, and distrupts the flow of it.
Finally, when dialouge shifts to another character, it is customary to start a new paragraph for that character. For example:
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