Unadulterated brilliance! Loved the descriptives of the skies. I am fascinated with them myself, especially the starry skies! I could feel the little girls sadness. Felt her mom's loving hug. Military families can certainly relate to your story. Thank you for a down to earth, real story!
This warps me back about fifteen years ago. I had those silly stars on the ceiling in my bedroom. Wanted to sleep under the stars without being eaten alive by mosquitos. I cannot tell you the nights I felt the same feelings, counting the iridescent stars winking me to sleep.
You, my dear, are a talented young lady! Your stories are deep and quite moving (I wiped tears from my eyes before writing this). The emotions that you evoke... I look forward to reading more!
I would have given this six, ten or more stars if I could. Your characters are raw and real. Depression and mental illness need to be addressed more openly. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront. Please share more with us!
Thank you for pouring out your raw heart and soul into a work that most can relate to. We all go through our ups and downs. We all turn a cheek, letting the other give a smack of reality. But still, after the wounds to our souls, to our feelings, we rise like a phoenix and rekindle. Kudos!
Although dark, I feel the burden of your words. The shackles on your heart. I do hope that you can share with someone, be it a trusted friend, clergy, or just speaking the words to God. Getting them out of your head can be some relief. Scream it to the moon. Write the letter and burn it. Relief has to come somehow. Virtual hug!
Awww! I am a romantic, and this poem gives me the feels! It is expressive and sweet. It has nice rhythm. I especially loved the line "newness of day and the beauty of night". I feel the same way about my love, one year in, and pray it continues til death do us part!
Ahhh, the follies of young love. The tenderness of it all. The promises made. I do hope you're still with her after all this time. The flowery words of love expressed reminds me of Romeo & Juliette. The last sentence is a bit negative after such positive prequel!
Interesting story. I can almost smell the dusty old attic and feel the treasures that you'd come across.
I see the need to proofread. I am guilty of the same, but there are some sentences that aren't complete.
“Let’s see if we can something about this woman.” "Let's see if we can find out something" is a better fit.
Also "Of course, as her sibling, I have always been loath to admit that."
I had to research the word loath - I was not familiar with it. Perhaps it's too complicated for the general reader.
"That he or she will carry your name if not your blood is invaluable to me beyond measure" is this a hint the child could or could not be his? If for sure it isn't his, perhaps it should read "carry your namesake, rather than your bloodline" or "in lieu of your bloodline"
Very melodic and pleasing for such simple prose! I can see myself in the situation. I especially like the "silent singing" phrase. Keep up the good work!
Morgan, what a delightful piece!
Your in depth description of the process of aging the cheese, and the smoky Scotch was very informative.
Your expression friendship and camaraderie are a delight.
One gets the feeling they were there with you, enjoying your celebration!
I do like this poem, however, the use of "leafs" should be "leaves".
Other than that, your imagery with words is fantastic.I especially like the "technicolor hearts" reference. I can see a country road dappled in sunlight. Relaxing and calming!
Keep up the great work!
Your useage of the word breath is incorrect. It should read "breathe". "with this weight on your chest how will you breathe"
This is a very heavy poem. Seems contradictory. You're stuck but hopeful? Never give up. It can always be better.
Choconut -
This is so sad...but it's an all too familiar scenario. I once had a similar situation happen, and I can understand the feelings conveyed. I teared up when I read, "she tipped herself into her unmade bed and recommenced staring at the wall." It seems as if when these type of feelings emerge, we cannot focus on anything, let alone function.
A real life scene - very well written!
Excellent work!
I can almost see a scenario in my head.
The description of the colors makes me think she's a gothic artist.
Love the "purple scent" line.
My pleasure to read your poetry!
First and foremost, what a positive message. People are beautiful, faults and all. For that matter, life is beautiful, even with its up and downs.
Grammar and punctuation are a bit off. The second paragraph, first sentence is barely readable. It could say something to the effect of, "There are many people around us that have even thought of ending their lives." "May be" should read "Maybe". "Help as many people as you can. Who knows, down the line you may be in a similar situation. You may even be the one that helps save a life"
Should be "there he lie" lie is rest/horizontal, lay is to place or put- don't fret, someone corrected that for me, too. I may be daft, but what is a char? Character? Love the ending....
Other than a spelling error (spooky), a few missing commas, this is really cool! I can almost feel myself in the barn. A delightful start to a new story! Was really looking for the famous line "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn!"
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