The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:To be honest, this is a high quality piece of writing which might justify the usage of a lot of English words. I had to use the dictionary a couple of times which I ascribe more to my weakness. Some of the words might be common in the US but I am unfamiliar with them. eg Pinata, chenile, skittered, carrot top, black hills gold. While I consider this to be a learning for me because I learned so many new words, all readers may not have so much of patience. Not everyone might be as great a fan of your writing as I.
The Plot: An old librarian develops tender feelings for a young forsaken child who is a book lover like her.
What I enjoyed? I loved the stunning descriptions. There is so much detailing of everything - the festivities, Tricia's house, the frosting smeared on her brother's mouth. I could go on and on. The gratifying ending left me happy and contented.
Friendly Suggestions: This is a wondrous piece of writing. It is like one of those tough passages which are used for comprehension tests in competitive exams. I wonder if the language could be a bit easier.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But in this case, you richly deserve the 5 rating.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Mostly smooth except for a couples of places where I got a bit puzzled. You can blame it on my ignorance but a writing must reach out to as aide an audience as possible. Examples,
You write: So, yeah, I paid for an elegant looking cheap piece of tat.
Suggestions: Not sure what you meant. Is it a short form of tattoo?
You write: It was pretty and I deserve a little pretty once in a while.
My thoughts: I checked and technically you are correct. The word 'pretty' can be used as a noun. But I found it a bit unusual.
The Plot: A lady buys a bracelet at a sale and makes a surprising discovery about that object.
What I enjoyed?I liked the way you describe a woman's mind. They are so fond of these little trinkets (honestly, I find it endearing when I see my wife indulging herself). The end is unusual but you need to flesh it out a bit.
Friendly Suggestions: A little more clarity at the end would help. I got a feeling that the main lead is the daughter of Aunt Lucy.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand. I have a few suggestions (unsure whether I am qualified to give this to a high caliber writer that you are).
The Plot: Fully confirms to the 'dark' genre which you ascribe to the story. I won't give more away because that would destroy the suspense. I wish more readers read this.
What I enjoyed? What a thrilling story! What compelling descriptions! Your description of the town, of the bookstore, of the main characters are all par excellence. The image that accompanies the story is stunning and sultry. The end is so very unexpected.
Friendly Suggestions: I found some of the sentences are long. You might want to shorten them. Consider, the examples below:-
You write: Instead, he found fluffy tales of riches and romance, celebrity cook books, oodles of self help drivel, and fiction with the same tired regurgitated plots.
Suggestion: Do you really need to mention four topics? Just mentioning two would suffice or considering splitting into a couple of sentences.
You write: A roof over your head, good food in your stomach, three thousand dollars a month salary and the opportunity to spend the predicted worst winter in three decades in the company of an arrogant, caustic ass that will keep your perfect brows arching and your delectable lips quirking."
Suggestion: Would we really use such long sentences in a conversation? One might just say three thousand dollars a month salary and the opportunity to spend the predicted worst winter in three decades in the company of an arrogant, caustic ass.
Again, these suggestions are given with all humility. I come from a different culture and might not be the right person to advise on how conversations might actually pan out in your part of the world.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But, your story richly deserves the 5 rating.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot: A couple who date in school meet at a reunion.
What I enjoyed? After a long time, I have come across a powerful story. I have a lot of respect for people (especially women) like Cassidy who do not destroy their lives pining for lost love. Instead, she becomes a successful doctor and completely overcomes the humiliation of injury of being shortchanged ( did not want to use the term 'dumped' for someone whom I admire). On a personal note, I have consciously avoided reunions because of the comparisons of who is more successful. I am not afraid but my benchmark is not commercial success.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But I would have anyway rated your story 5. Even higher if that were possible.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand
The Plot:A giantess superwoman comes to the rescue of the passengers of a hijacked bus. It is the hijacker's ill-fate that her boyfriend was in the same bus.
What I enjoyed? I liked the character of Diana. It would be a dream to have a girlfriend like her. Strong and powerful leaving the task of fighting scoundrels to her while you just sit back and enjoy the fun.
Suggestions: It would be nice to get a physical description of how Diana looks. We only get to know about her size.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Unclear at times. Consider the following instances.
First para says:"Hi, my name is Ilary, they told me you are good at solving problems, mine, which will soon become yours too, is in the car". Not clear, what is the problem in the car.
Second para says: "They came back to me.." However, I only read about Liza. Should it not be "She came back to me?"
The plot: A story about a huge lady and a shrunken one.
What I loved: I liked Liza's description. She stands out as a desirable woman.
Suggestions: I don't know if there is a word count restriction, but the story ends abruptly. I wanted to know the antidote for Ilary's condition. Also, it would help to know Ilary's gender.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Simple and easy to understand.
The plot: The story dwells on the ruminations of a mentally unsound lady. Her troubled mind conjures about various scenarios about what his happening around her.
What I loved: The surprise element at the end.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Written in the first person which is appropriate to the setting of the story. Language at times appears patchy but that could be justified on the grounds of being the ruminations of a man who has just woken up after a long slumber.
The plot: A man wakes up from coma and tries to piece together his identity.
What I loved: I liked the way Patrick fills the jigsaw puzzle to trace his identity.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The plot: Two parents try to involve their kids in a game with the objective of spending time together.
What I loved: I loved the theme of the parents trying to bond with their kids. I enjoyed the conversations and the parents' patience with their kids' sullenness. It would be a privilege and a blessing to grow up in such a family.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The language - Easy to understand.
The plot - A couple in love separate because the man starts loving someone else. The man marries the woman with whom he has fallen in love. His first wife builds an independent life with her two daughters. She works hard, becomes an engineer and brings up her girls well. The man's second wife dies and leaves him with a son. He doesn't remarry and brings up his son on his own.
What I loved - I admire the first wife's resolve and determination. The reconciliation at the end is touching.
Suggestions - None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Smooth and easy to understand
The plot: This is concise and incisive essay on how people receive and act on advice which they themselves solicited and received.
What I liked: Your thinking closely reflects my own. I have also had several instances where people have asked for my advice, ignored it, suffered and then again came back to me for. The only place where I disagree is that I would still try to help these guys if I could.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your story:-
Language: Easy to understand.
The plot: A letter written to oneself for setting the goals for the new year.
What I liked: I liked that you have chosen writing as one of your main goals. It is remarkable that you have survived against such heavy odds. Kudos to you.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I read so as to not diminish the appeal of your work in anyway. My actual rating is a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The language: Mostly smooth but some of the sentences could be shortened. I am quoting some examples below
You write Sarah felt her eyes fill up as the sob came from deep inside her emerging from her mouth as a barely discernible sound against the background of the wind.
Suggestion: Sarah felt her eyes fill up. The sob from deep inside her emerged as a barely discernible sound against the background of the wind.
You write: Sarah was still hungry with passion but he drew off her now quickly, his own passion quickly receding, the fallen item in his hand.
Suggestion: Sarah was still hungry with passion but his had receded. He watched the item in his hand with horror.
The plot: Sarah, a recent widow, and her friend, Jack, go for a walk to see a scarecrow whose location intrigued both of them.
What I loved: The hint of mystery at the end.
Suggestions: None
I rate all stories I read as a 5 to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The language: This is a bit patchy and could do with some editing.
Consider this:
You write Meeting Gerald was not even in her plan at the time, just food and drinks, a good time.
Suggestion Meeting Gerald was not even in her plan at the time. She only wanted to have a good time, the food and drinks being the bonus.
The plot: A date at a masquerade has a surprising and unexpected outcome.
What I loved: The hints of a night of passion and the ending which took me by surprise.
Suggestions: None except the edits.
I give a public rating of 5 to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: This is a bit patchy. A thorough edit would completely transform this work. Consider some examples below:
You write he used to see his husband and wife everyday
Suggestion he used to see this husband and wife everyday
You write One day when husband and wife didn't come on the train, the young man was a bit stubborn
Suggestion: One day when husband and wife didn't come on the train, the young man was concerned
The plot: A touching story of a couple who love each other.
What I loved: I admire such couples who love and respect and are dedicated to each other.
Suggestions: None except editing for the grammatical errors.
I give a public rating of 5 to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
Language: Smooth and easy to understand. Just like all your other stories. They are all such nice pleasurable reads.
Plot: Two arch rivals from Wharton slug it out in the corporate world in continuation of their competition from the college days. The denoument is ironical and humorous.
What I loved: The end was simply adorable.
Suggestions: None
I rate all stories I read as 5 so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. But, in this case, the 5 is richly deserved.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The plot: A detective gets suspicious about his 'missing' sister and manages to inspect her house along with his partner. Both, brother and sister are eccentric but likable characters because they mean no harm.
What I liked: I liked the description of Aurora's house which looks like scene from a sci-fi movie. You also portray the quirks of Brent and Aurora well. The matchbox habit was imaginative. The ending brought a smile to my lips.
Suggestions: None
I rate al stories I read as a 5 so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.5.
The plot: A survivor of a mapping crew in the Arctic finds two friendly souls against all odds. They give him shelter and revive him.
What I liked: I really enjoyed this short story because you give a lot of drama within such few words. Bill's rescue came across as a big relief. The end is humorous.
Suggestions: None. You can't do much more in such few words.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I publicly review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story in anyway. My actual rating would be 4.5.
The plot: A traveler lost in the woods comes across a huge mushroom and a smoking caterpillar!
What I loved: I think this story was amazingly well written. You displayed an extremely fertile imagination and had me spellbound right till the end. I had no clue that nonsense was a genre available but this was as good as it can get. Your sorry was rich in creativity, full of humor and interesting. You have managed to achieve an enormous amount in only a few words.
Suggestions: None
I rate all stories I read as 5 so as to not diminish its appeal for other readers. However, the 5 rating in this case is well-deserved.
The language: It would help if you edit it a couple of times. I spotted a couple of errors. For example, you write and In the summer. It should be in. Another example, moon lite up the entire forest. It should be moon lit up the entire forest. Also, you need to cut the number of times you use "was."
The plot: A sweet story of a miracle where an angle saves a young boy.
What I like: I love these miracle stories involving fairies and angels. This one sure worked for me.
Suggestions: Only an edit of the story is what I would suggest to correct the grammatical errors.
I give a public rating of 5 to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: It was mostly smooth but I had to refer a dictionary to comprehend the meanings of some of the words. Eg doolaly, trollops etc.
The plot: Two young girls from wealthy families have enrolled into a grooming school for ladies. They struggle with their classes. The teacher attributes their poor performance to the fact that their nouveau riche families do not have a tradition of wealth.
What I liked: I found the storyline to be innovative. You portrayed a vivid description of the happenings in the class. The interaction in Miss Norton's room was enjoyable though I felt a bit cruel. And I love to hate Miss Norton. . She comes across as a characterization of evil.
Suggestions: None
I give a rating of 5 to all stories I publicly review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other writers. But, in this case, I think your story is completely deserving of the 5 rating.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The plot: A ladybug saves a dragonfly’s life twice, and the two become good friends and promise to take care of each other.
What I liked: First, I thought that the story was really nice and cute. Second, I liked the way you described the danger posed by the frog. You write about his bad breath and blowing like the wind. Excellent work there. Finally, the way they become friends in the end was really adorable.
Suggestions: None
I give a rating of 5 to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. But, in this case, I genuinely rate your work as 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The plot: A man hides inside a coffin with the intention of recreating a haunted house. The aim is to shock and scare visitors.
What I loved: I loved the wicked trick that Marlene played and how she persuaded Chet to lie inside the coffin.
Suggestions: The climax scene where Chet scrambles out of the coffin could be made more dramatic.
I give a rating of 5 to all stories that I publicly review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
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