The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A nice poem describing our dream partner. She is someone one might never meet but just thinking about her fills your heart with joy.
What I enjoyed? This is poem which reminds me of my younger days. By young, I only mean in terms of biological age only because a a man is as old as he feels. I have also grown up dreaming of such a perfect partner.
Friendly Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: easy to understand, but there are some grammatical errors which you can consider correcting. I have pointed them in the suggestions section of my review.
The Plot: A teacher loses her job on unfair grounds.
What I enjoyed? I felt sorry for Roopa. It is harsh when the workplace you treat as your own family unceremoniously ejects you. But Roopa should look at it from a different point of view. She should think that the school doesn't deserve a fine teacher like her.
Friendly Suggestions:
You write: Why cant our memories also vanish just like that
Suggestion: Why can't our memories also vanish just like that
The italics is done deliberately because she is wondering silently.
You write: everyone involved with herr
Suggestion: everyone involved with her
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: An aspiring writer participates in many contests but fails to win after several attempts.
What I enjoyed? I liked the spirit of the story - it preaches one to be determined and steadfast. Results are important but so is the process. One needs to take reversals in one's stride and move ahead. The ending was nice.
Friendly Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Mostly smooth. I noticed some errors which I have mentioned under suggestions.
The Plot: A nostalgic story where a man visits the house where he grew up in.
What I enjoyed? I appreciated the feelings in the story. Ironically, I have few pleasant memories about the place I grew up in and hence cannot identify with the feelings. But I sense and realize what one would feel especially if the memories are happy ones.
Friendly Suggestions: You may consider the following friendly suggestions.
You write: The gate to the side of the house was the same gate to the side of the house that I thought was rusty when I lived there. Suggestion: The gate to the side of the house was an exact replica of what it had been when I grew up. It was as rusted as it had been during my time.
You write: Just a guy out walking his dog of an evening Suggestion: Just a guy out walking his dog in the evening
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand. Did not detect any errors.
The Plot: A story of a hired killer who has goofed up on his previous assignments and has been served an ultimatum.
What I enjoyed? I found the description of the task chilling.
Friendly Suggestions: There has to be more clarity on how and why one victim would inject the other one with a lethal chemical. That part needs to be explained.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: Four kids held captive plan their escape.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the execution of the escape plan. It was a fitting way tp pay back the captor.
Friendly Suggestions: I understand the constraint of words but it is important to give some background to make this story look whole. Why were the kids kidnapped? Was their some tribal rivalry? There has to be something to give more color to the story.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: A good read but needs focus and attention to understand. It is not exactly what I would call a light read. However, it is nice and interesting.
The Plot: A dominant male dates a young waitress.
What I enjoyed? This is a good continuation from the previous story. You have a great plot going. I liked the subtle flirting and the gradual seduction. However, I admit that Abby also evoked my curiosity. She seems to be a desirable lady and I would be keen to know more about her. I was really drawn to the slave collar which she wears. However, I am also a bit confused about who is actually wearing the collar. Is it Kara or is it Abby?
Friendly Suggestions: It would help to be explicit about who is actually wearing the collar.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: It is a nice read but some of the words are complex and difficult to understand especially to someone who is not from North America. eg bussed the deserted tables. I had to refer to an online dictionary to understand the meaning of bussed.
The Plot: An intriguing man meets a waitress at a restaurant. They are both drawn to each other and agree to meet for coffee.
What I enjoyed? I loved the vivid descriptions of both Kara and Ean. The conversation between the two was nice to read. I liked the fact that she agrees to accompany him for coffee. It creates interest in the reader to read the next part.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Simple and easy to understand.
The Plot: An unusual love story between a male wolf and a female pig.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the innovative idea and how you build a story around it. The interaction between Ralph and Flowerina was humorous but touching. I liked the way how the other wolves protect Flowerina. Your story hooked me right at the beginning and held my attention till the end.
Friendly Suggestions: I daresay that this is a bold suggestion. But it would be nice if you keep Roger and Sully alive. Also, it is not clear how Ralph's bother ends up in Sully's collection.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy and smooth.
The Plot: A young boy digs a hole in the yard of the house and makes a hideous discovery.
What I enjoyed? I liked the way you detailed a kid's curiosity and efforts. The way he tries to dig up a hole using a spoon is adorable. Then, you gave us the nice scene of Joey hiding the shovel behind his back and walking back to the spot where he wanted to work.
Friendly Suggestions: The end though shocking was not too clear. Maybe, you could consider elaborating this a bit. I can understand the word count restriction but it would be possible to drop a couple of sentences in the middle.
Also, you can consider this:-
You write: The next day dawned stormy and raining.
You could consider: The next day dawned, stormy and raining.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A female engineer invents a pump which manages to take out the water that has accumulated in the city after a torrential downpour.
What I enjoyed? I liked the idea of a woman engineer coming to the rescue. The other uses that you mentioned for the pump were very educative.
Friendly Suggestions: Consider this part:-
You write: The new pump was so advanced that it was able to be used for many other purposes in the city, it was the source of water
Suggestion: There should be a full stop after city.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: A love story of an old married couple.
The Plot: An old couple behave like teenagers at a county fair with interesting and pleasing consequences.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the premise of the story that age is no barrier to physical intimacy as along as you have a loving and faithful companion.
This sentence really worked for me: The heat they created drowned out any smells that came from the horses.
This sentence was very suggestive and erotic: Although all he wanted right now was to feel her squeezing every last drop out of him he let her continue the torture.
This sentence was a perfect description of the afterglow: They laid there on the now wet hay waiting for their hearts to stop racing like a pair of greyhounds.
Friendly Suggestions: Please consider the ideas below which I write with all humility
You write: When they finally stopped kissing Ida held tight to her husband. Suggestions: When they finally stopped kissing, Ida held her husband close.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Written mostly in dialogue form. At times, it it becomes difficult to follow who is speaking. You have to insert the names occasionally. (like Lucy said or Kevin questioned etc)
The Plot: A story of a man who claims to be in love with his wife. The end is quite unexpected.
What I enjoyed? The diabolical ending. You took me completely by surprise.
Friendly Suggestions: Make the conversations easier to follow so we know who is speaking.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A woman is dumped by her husband. That he moves in with her best friend makes it worse. However, she finds a new man and attempts a new beginning.
What I enjoyed? I liked that you lead character is able to fight off her depression and discovers a desire to make a new beginning.
Friendly Suggestions: You should include a couple of sentences in the beginning as to how she was taken completely unaware of her husband's infidelity and her friend's betrayal.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: I am getting used to the poetic artistry of your stories. I do struggle to keep up with the quality of your prose, but every effort I make is worth it.
The Plot: The brief description neatly sums up the plot.
What I enjoyed? I liked the way you describe the contradictory the feelings evoked when his memories clash against the pompous celebration of independence. You do a wonderful task of describing both the scenes - one of the war and the other of the celebration of independence. You paint a vivid picture of Garrett's guilt when he looks at Marilyn Richison.
Friendly Suggestions: Some of the parts did confuse me. For example, what was meant by the last sentence "Keep your head down, Devil Dog." Also, it took me awhile to figure out that Marilyn Richison was the fallen marine's mother.
Is there an error here? The Cutter leant her assistance again Should it be lent instead of leant?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:
Smooth and easy. A pleasant read.
The Plot:
A pair of twin girls receive similar gifts from their parents for Christmas. The gift of one girl falls from her hands and breaks. It would not be possible to buy her a fresh gift before Christmas.
What I enjoyed?
I loved the picture you painted of a perfect family. The two little girls are absolutely adorable. Amel's gesture is so sweet and endearing.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But my actual rating for this story is 5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot: A mother who is completely engaged with her kids in all their games is struggling with an onset of a debilitating illness.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the vivid descriptions of Elsie's views from the window. I also found her engagement with her kids extremely endearing. We get so sucked up in the whirlwind of our own lives that we do not find sufficient time for our kids.
Friendly Suggestions:I think you have got the names muddled up. Who are Jacob and Lily? I thought the kids were Keiran and Izzy. Also, since you clarify that Elsie has two children, these names cannot be of her third or fourth child. It would also help to know how Elsie sustains her family? What is her source of income? Maybe, you could just write that she has inherited wealth from her family. You might also consider including a sentence on the father. That he was someone mean and selfish and left them.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot: A man and a woman discover friendship while indulging in a funny contest involving pumpkins.
What I enjoyed? I liked the uniqueness of the story. The other thing I found refreshing was the good-natured friendship between the couple which has the makings of a romance. I enjoyed the playful banter they indulge in during their game. Your story proves that a couple can have fun together without getting involved in intimacy.
Friendly Suggestions: Nothing.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. However, my actual rating for this story would be a 5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand. English is not my first language either.
The Plot: A satirical piece on the English speaking people who comment on the English of non-English people
What I enjoyed?This article hit the right chord with me because though English is the language I use constantly at work and and at other places, it is not my first language. Your examples of some of the misspelt words were hilarious.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Could be smoother. You should try and replace the passive voice with active voice. For example,
You write: The climate was temperate and warm sunshine enlivened everyone during April in the city of Baltimore.
Suggestion: The temperate climate and warm sunshine enlivened everyone during April in the city of Baltimore.
You write: They were both possessed by an unbridled surge of desire by now
Suggestion: An unbridled surge of desire consumed both of them.
The Plot: A girl is dumped by a boy with disastrous consequences for him.
What I enjoyed? I am fond of ghost stories and liked the revenge extracted by the girl.
Friendly Suggestions: The erotic part has to be made more arousing.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand
The Plot:Two young boys have fun with firecrackers and are caught red-handed by the police.
What I enjoyed?This is a nice tale of two boys being chastised for an infringement. The part where one of the boys drops names and tries to get away was humorous. However, I did feel that the punishment was too harsh and expensive. Sometimes, the law tends to overdo things which may not always work out right.
Friendly Suggestions: I would like to know how the boys coughed up so much money without the mother knowing. It is also not clear whether the father came to know.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:To be honest, this is a high quality piece of writing which might justify the usage of a lot of English words. I had to use the dictionary a couple of times which I ascribe more to my weakness. Some of the words might be common in the US but I am unfamiliar with them. eg Pinata, chenile, skittered, carrot top, black hills gold. While I consider this to be a learning for me because I learned so many new words, all readers may not have so much of patience. Not everyone might be as great a fan of your writing as I.
The Plot: An old librarian develops tender feelings for a young forsaken child who is a book lover like her.
What I enjoyed? I loved the stunning descriptions. There is so much detailing of everything - the festivities, Tricia's house, the frosting smeared on her brother's mouth. I could go on and on. The gratifying ending left me happy and contented.
Friendly Suggestions: This is a wondrous piece of writing. It is like one of those tough passages which are used for comprehension tests in competitive exams. I wonder if the language could be a bit easier.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But in this case, you richly deserve the 5 rating.
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