The Plot: A misunderstanding caused between two well-meaning people because of cultural differences. A Russian man greets a Mexican woman in a manner that is quite natural for his country by quite offensive for Mexicans.
What I liked: The way Anna brought about a reconciliation between the two.
Plot: A tryst with a stranger culminates into an erotic encounter
What I liked: I enjoyed the seduction of Claire. Liam seems to be quite the ladies’ man. You build up the passion between the couple in a sensuous manner without using any expletive language. . Great work.
What I didn’t like: I got mixed between two settings. First Liam drop’s Claire at her house. Then she suddenly ends up at his house. Didn’t make sense.
Plot: A kind soul serves a bowl of nourishing soup to a homeless person.
Characters: You created a vivid picture of the misery that the main character is going through because of hunger. When he was finally served the soup, I felt as if I had eaten. Good work done there of showing.
What I liked: The description of the hunger which filled me with angst followed by the satisfaction the person felt once he ate the soup.
That was a sad, heart-wrenching poem of betrayal. You created nice imagery with your verse. Examples - Your eyes wandered beyond mine, craved you like a thirsty desert.
I really felt sad for the main character in the end because she seems to have lost all hope. However, in a way she has got paid back for she seems to have wrecked some other woman's life as well.
Plot: This is a story of a lonely old woman who is sad about the prospects of one more cold and lonely Christmas. Her son and his family can't join her because they are stranded by the snow.
What I loved: I found the cat's name really cute. And the ending was so sweet.
Plot: I found the plot slightly difficult to follow. This could be because I do not read much of this sci-fi stuff but was drawn by the item description. However, the details need to be threshed out a bit more. I do understand that this is a part of a longer work which makes it difficult to explain the story in such few words.
What I enjoyed: The idea of a contract villain having a change of heart.
What can be improved: More clarity has to be given about the characters.
Plot: This was truly an unusual story. I wasn't expecting anything like it. I appreciate the imaginative power that has gone to create this and see the world through the eyes of a cat. One Ear's tale is heart wrenching and sad. It is great to see that he meets a dignified end.
What I loved: I found this to be an extremely innovative piece. I liked how you built in the silk-covered journal into your story.
What I liked: I liked the emotions you packed into such a small piece. Some things really tickled my heart. First, he didn't scream at her when she lost the ring. Second, they are still married after such a long time. I loved the fairytale ending.
Plot: A couple draw comfort from their physical proximity while watching a scary movie.
Characters: I liked both the characters, Eva and Logan. I respect Logan for making sure that this is what Eva actually wants. Eva comes across as a confident woman who knows what she wants.
What I liked: The way you bring out the build up of passion between the couple.
What could improve: Was curious to know about the outcome of the movie because it seemed to be important. In the end, it turned out to be inconsequential but you devote quite a lot of time to describing it.
Message given: Your story has certain powerful messages. We curb our progress by succumbing to our dark desires. If we can control that, we are in real charge of our destiny. My favorite statement from one of my favorite holy book is "For whom the mind is under control, it is the greatest friend. For him it is not, it is the greatest enemy."
I complete endorse your views on the impact of TV on children.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Easy to understand
Plot: An office romance. The difference is that this is between two consenting partners who are on equal terms. This is not a usual boss-secretary or boss-intern type of a story. I enjoyed the plot.
What I liked: The way you built up the tension and and the anticipation and the way you brought the whole thing to a satisfying climax
What could be improved: This is just a friendly suggestion. You can consider making the piece shorter.
Keep writing. I would like to read more of your work.
Plot: What an excellent short story! It is extremely difficult to write for little kids. You have done this wonderfully well. Forget my age , I read the story till the end with bated breath.
What I loved: Sally is adorable, Uguali is cute. I loved the plot you managed to create within such few words and held my attention right till the end.
I am not sure whether this is a passage quoted from Robert James Karpie or your own writing. Either way, I find it relevant in these troubled times.
I liked this short religious work. It close echoes my own belief systems. We should allow our ship to take us for a ride on the "Sea of Destiny." I like the words "Sea of Destiny". I am also a great believer of overcoming evil with good, falsehood with truth and hatred with love. Though, I admit it is difficult to love someone who has harmed you or wants to cause you harm.
A nice poem describing how you feel about someone you adore. You use powerful words to create a nice aura about her beauty. She is not someone who possesses mere physical beauty but also has a lively spirit. Such beauty cannot be seen by the eyes alone. It has to be felt deep within.
A nice work of poetry. I liked the lucid language and the simple message. I too long for an exclusive place where my only companion is solitude. A place whose privacy I zealously protect.
You created some powerful images using this simile
- thoughts drifting like leaves.
Nice work there.
Style: Simple (For me, Simplicity is next to Godliness)
Language: Lucid
The story: This is a unique piece. I haven't read anything like this on WDC. I found the piece refreshing and candid. You are bang on when you say that our handle is a reflection of how we want to be seen. At least, for me that view holds.
I found the flirting relationship cute ( I neither inhaled nor gasped )
Characters: A tale of two lovers who met online. Though, I am skeptical of a relationship based on digital medium, yours takes a different turn. The two lovers fine each other digitally, but cultivate a sense of belonging and respect for each other. I like the way they take their time to decide instead of a hurried romance.
What I loved: The buildup of the romance between the two protagonists.
Characters: I love your protagonist. She is vulnerable at the same time strong. Almost makes me want to protect her. Sorry, if I am sounding mushy.
What I loved: The way she got Jeff to stop hitting her without saying anything. The way she decided enough was enough and decides to leave. I found the idea of not giving your character a name to be an excellent one. She could be anybody Morgan , Jennifer, Manisha, Ayesha
A lot of angst reflects in this writing. You have been hurt by what COVID did, but more hurt by man-made problems like Xenophobia and communalism. Yes, it is true that the wealthy can get away with anything but the poor cannot. For those who aren't from the entitled call, there is nothing but to grin and bear.
A nice poem with which I could identify myself as I go through this grind of office every day. Yes, I also stay alive and survive loads of meetings (many useless) bi inhaling insane amounts of caffeine.
I agree that frustration is a tragic sin. You need the office work. More than they need you. You have a family to keep, a home to run. It is best that we manage the mood.
The last three lines are extremely powerful. It has happened to all of us, hasn't it? We enter into a relationship thinking about the moon and end up with mud.
The 'veil of hope' is another powerful metaphor that you use.
Good imagery created on the whole.
I enjoyed the theme of the story. It is innovative and believable.
Maybe, the compulsion of word count got into the way or you could have added some saucy tales. My kinky mind would like to peek into some female secrets.
There are some grammatical errors that you might want to correct. This part needs editing:Just then the phone rang the school was calling it was Mrs. Burmiester her 15 year olds high school teacher. Hello Miss Williams. I am calling about your daughter Joy. “Oh my God what now?” Gloria thought. Is everything ok? She asked. Oh my yes she is fine but she has uh started her period and it is her first time apparently and we thought maybe she should come home Mrs. Burmiester explained.
I am curious as to why you say "secrete" and not "secret"
Good read which can even better with a little effort.
I agree with your grandmother's childlike interpretation of God. He is all around us, and I believe that if we act and behave in a certain manner, your life turns out the way you have acted and behaved. The results might not be instantaneous because we are all the victims of our own karma. So, what we do now might not yield immediate results as a previous Karma is playing itself out. I subscribe to your views on tithing. I come from a faith that also believes in tithing and describes them who don't tithe as shirking their responsibility.
I agree with the end. The Earth should not speed-chase. One mustn't interfere with nature lest she become a killer and engulf us all in her deathly gallows.
It would help if you could flesh out your poem a bit. Otherwise, it becomes a bit esoteric. I could feel your angst but could not quite place my finger on the button.
I like the lesson at the end. I detest caging birds or keeping animals in a zoo. They ought to be free as nature intended them to be. It is we, humans, who think that we have the birthright to interfere with Providence.
I had never thought of caged birds enjoying their incarceration. I thought that they were desperate for freedom. But as you say, we all ascribe different interpretations to freedom. To some it may mean free from shackles of responsibility. To someone else, it might mean creating a life together with someone you love.
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, I read the story till the end with bated breath.