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Review by Pritcher Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
You certainly are not the only one that has felt that way. Sounds like a broken heart, something most people go through at some point. It is a harsh lesson in life and most people learn their lesson pretty quick. Then again, some of us are fools and just keep on coming back to class. *Worry*

I think that this fact is both strength and a weakness for your poetry. It's obviously extremely relatable and that's always a plus. On the flip side though, it is a fairly common thing to see and doesn't gain any points for originality.

I would recommend working on the actual presentation.

While not as important as the actual words or message you're trying to convey, I believe presentation to be a big factor in good poetry. It's what hits the reader first and can help gain their attention if it looks nice.

Maybe just break it up a little; as is you have a single 16 line stanza. You have a steady rhyming pattern that could comfortably fit into a number of standard forms if you'd like.

Overall this piece may have hit me in the heart, but my heart has taken enough hits just like it to grow its own icy case. Keep it up though, I still felt the pain.

-Pritcher
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