It makes a statement. I'd suggest one simple grammar correction: change "Pounding it must" to "The heart must pound." You might want to spend some time with these thoughts before publishing, but they do make sense in English.
I think you've used enough repetition that some people would call this a poem. I'd prefer it formatted as prose. It works either way as a description of what being fifteen years old feels like.
I have things to do online! But, I will take a few minutes, emphasis on FEW, to drop an encouraging word on two or three other writers. Oh, it's "logging in." Sigh. Drop encouraging words. Oh, now it's "validating." Well, validate on! Life is short! If you want people to use a site, you must make sure the site moves FAST! "You must select a rating for this item." What about ZERO? This site zeroed out, today!
This reads a bit like a first draft; sentences can be improved, but it's a nice piece. Reminds me of my recently departed hummers. They hadn't "dive bombed" my face before; when one did I understood him to be saying "This garden had enough jewelweed for ten of us last summer! What happened?"
I suppose it's where the character's mind is at this point in the story, but I'd prefer to read about a character who took responsibility for himself, preferably one who could say "You sleep here, I'll sleep on the couch." And then if he can't sleep, he goes out and runs a few miles.
Sounds as if this weak character is about to be set up to support the ex-virgin's little nephew...and he'd deserve it.
Satire, I hope? I feel sorry for the speaker. I'm old enough to think he's either not telling the truth, or assuming that other people share a very limited range of things they want to do in their lifetimes. Lots of people retire at 50 or 55 these days (apart from "entertainers," who typically retire at or before 30) and even at 70 I see people starting new enterprises, having 10 to 20 years to get them going. That "midlife crisis" voice within us speaks falsely. We can talk back to it!
Anyway, this short piece does a good job portraying a misguided point of view.
This reads like a draft of a good article. The proportions of the history section to the technique and benefits sections could be improved, either by tightening up the history in a short article about the <i>benefits</i> of meditation, or by expanding it into a separate article about the <i>history</i> of meditation.
It might also be helpful to squeeze in a mention that this article is about Transcendental Meditation, as distinct from the "Western" practice of meditating on a specific thought, prayer, act, etc.
For a published article, medical studies as sources for all those medical benefits would be good, too!
So far, it's shaping up to be a nice, well written short article.
If the goal was to express confusion, this poem does that, with confusing word choices (surely "mare" should have been "bare"?) and confused thought (do people anywhere still think of themselves in Marx's "classes" terms?). I think you're onto something with the general idea that people deliberately confuse others in order to exploit them, but it would be better to shine a light on specific practices such as deceptive advertising, vague or evasive language, censorship, etc. I do like the exuberant energy of these lines, the determination to stand up for what the speaker believes is right.
Charlotte Bronte might have wanted to use more dramatic words, but I think she would have liked this poem. The drama! I love Jane Eyre and this poem about her. I think the poem does a good job of reminding us that Jane's not in great physical danger, but she really feels that she's risking everything for her sacred honor, because she's young and in love.
An old plot in new guise. I love the Tennessee landscape. Where I live it's always a little sparrow-type bird that hides up in the woodlot singing "Doherty Doherty Doherty Doe," and the cardinals say "Cheer! Cheer! Cheer!" but I suppose birds copy one another's songs to some extent. I've never seen a white iris with white beards, either. Both are such perfect symbols, I'll take them as symbols whether they're real or not.
Why Mary ever got into a car with someone who'd tried to kill her dog, when she wasn't even carrying a phone, will no doubt be explained in the full-length novel. Fictional heroines have all kinds of excuses for such idiotic behavior.
As long as Sheridan sticks to one man and doesn't make a habit of finding past-life lovers...! LOL. There's certainly a market for this sort of thing. I wouldn't know how people who like it judge it, but to me it seems about as good or as bad as the rest of the genre. Add an historical adventure plot to the hormone reaction and people will probably buy it.
Interesting character. I can understand why he has a baseball bat instead of a pistol, but why would he go to open the door, instead of moving as far from the door as possible to call for reinforcements? If I trusted the lock on the door, I'd be in the back of the back bedroom closet where fabric would muffle sound, trying to raise a signal on the emergency-only cell phone!
I can believe that this character might exist. I just don't understand him. I'd be likely to read on rather than put the book/magazine back on the rack. So, four stars.
The painkillers are going to end up killing the narrator. Forty hours a week of physical labor may be too much; the job may need redesigning, but I don't like this story because I can't see a good ending for it. It's well written, though.
Two nitpicks: (1) "The walkie"--walkie-talkie, intercom, or what? (2) Online writing teaches us to avoid mentioning body parts whenever possible--"some food" is enough, no need to type the word "belly"--just because the words for body parts attract the ugliest spam. Mentioning feet attracts shoe-related spam, which is bad enough. Mentioning even hearts attracts disgusting patent-medicine-type spam.
Ah, the pleasure and the pain of being young and full of hormones...I enjoyed this kind of thing at the time and now I'm so glad it's over. I don't think originality in this genre is possible. There are only so many words for these sensations and they've already been put together in every combination that has meaning. But it is possible to bring the memories back, vividly, and these lines succeed in doing that.
Meh. I'm happier accepting that I'm wired to want the best, from myself and others. "Everyone would be happy if everyone just lowered their standards" leaves me cold. But I like the assonances.
Lots of typos, but this sketch succeeds in showing us a hypothetical world of adventure, satirical wit, perhaps horror, perhaps science fiction. It makes me wonder whether there's a full-length story or even a novel waiting behind it. I'd want to read more of that story. So, four stars.
Very disturbing. The day when geriatric patients have to be kept in all day is sadder than the day they die, I think. That's the picture these lines paint for me. Full marks for ability to write about something nobody wants to think about!
A sweet romance story. Very nice. It could be rewritten (write a long version with every single possible detail, write a shorter version with only the details that bring the story to life, the full Strunk & White treatment) if you want to sell it to a publisher; it's a good story anyway.
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