My overall impression of {item:} is that it is an excellent story. It was as much fun as it was interesting to read. I especially liked the ‘voices’ of the characters.
I know I’ve said it before, but I really think you have something very worthwhile, possibly publishable, and I hope you decide to finish it. Please let me know if or when you add more chapters. I’d love to see how it all unfolds.
I was blown away after reading "Soul Poacher" , I had to see if it was just a fluke. Now after reading "The Innocence of Cherries" , I’m convinced that you are the most gifted writer on this site! It takes a lot for me to say “Wow” and you made me say it twice now – that’s a definite trophy on your shelf!!!
The opening immediately caught my attention and the rest of the story never let me go. I suppose I should have seen the ending coming, you provided enough foreshadowing, but somehow it snuck up on me and I was surprised. The dialog is very real and the pictures you painted in my mind were vivid.
But what I think I like most about your writing style is your command of the English vocabulary. I’ve notice many writers on this site try to incorporate lots of flowery adjectives in their writing and the end result is a very amateurish piece of literature. You, on the other hand, work your words with the mastery of a professional – nothing at all amateurish here.
Two minor suggestions:
You wrote: “"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I just got done making love to a beautiful woman." He appeared serious as he carefully adjusted his shirt, straightening it. Asked in a low tone, "You don't feel guilty, do you?"”
In my opinion I think it would sound better like, “"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I just got done making love to a beautiful woman." He appeared serious as he carefully adjusted his shirt, straightening it. Asking in a low tone, "You don't feel guilty, do you?"”
And I think you missed some parenthesis in this sentence, “.”How terrible, ” she had said on that cool springtime evening in an urban cafe mere blocks away from the police station, ”how tragic!”
Again, these are only my opinions and I might be totally off base here – I’m no English professor, just a lowly computer geek who likes to read and write.
I’m so glad that I found your port. I just got done copying and pasting "Invalid Item" and "Invalid Item" into my word processor so I can print them out and read them at my leisure.
Keep up the excellent writing Ms. AdrianaCB, and know that you’ve got at least one fan out there.
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