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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FEEDBACK FOR: "This is the Best Trap, Yet! by Web~Witch...Spinning her Web! (A Halloween story)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl (pnalayab) author of MY BREASTS, I.D. #1219105.
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         This is my second time to pay your port this important visit, and I'm glad to have this opportunity again, especially in behalf of the Review for the Cure organized by the iconic simplycomplex.
         Again, I am impressed with your writing skill, which is evident even in this short piece. I look forward to reading some of your longer pieces.

The Plot
         A pixie of darkness who sold her soul to the fiery pit's gatekeeper wants to be the year's "pixie of darkness." She devices a most ingenious plan to trap her victim, and frighten him to death. It's easy because she can appear like a little girl because of her size. She finds her prospective classless victim in an x-rated attraction. She entices him to follow her to her place. Little did she know that her would-be victim is a vampire--the pixies' enemy.

Technicalities
          This piece is very clean. I did not spot more than one error. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, structure, are all right on.
         Here's the miss: "It is not difficult identifying the vampire as he is always a gentlemen," ((Change 'gentlemen' to gentleman.'))

How it affected me
         This is quite an enjoyable read, and I had fun reading it. Loved the twist at the end.

Suggestions
         I have no suggestions at this time.

My favorite part
         The creative name of “Tara-Rizer”; it sounds like "terrorizer," which I don't know if it was your intent.

My least favorite part
         None.

Final comments
         Write on. Keep writing.
         Thank you for participating in this worthy cause.

orientpearl
I write for the cure!
MY BREASTS -- My Cure Open in new Window. (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon


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Review of ~I'm Coming Home~  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
FEEDBACK FOR: "I'M COMING HOME by Web~Witch...Spinning her Web! (A winning entry-Weekly Flash Fiction)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl (pnalayab) author of MY BREASTS, I.D. #1219105.
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         This is my first time to pay your port this important visit, and I'm glad to have this opportunity, especially in behalf of the Review for the Cure organized by the iconic simplycomplex.
         I am impressed with your writing skill, which is evident even in this very short piece. I look forward to reading some of your longer pieces.

The Plot
         A man leaves his wife because she cannot produce an offspring for him. She discovers a wrecked car in a ditch. All the occupants are dead except for a baby. She takes the child and enters the Mexico border. She tells the customs agent that "she's going home permanently."

Technicalities
          This piece is very clean. I did not spot any single error. Grammar, spelling, punctuations, structure, are all right on.

How it affected me
         This is a flash fiction, and there's only so much that you can do with it because of the length restriction. I'm seldom affected by a flash story, but I rejoiced for Miss Rivera when she found the child.

Suggestions
         I have no suggestions at this time.

My favorite part
         "The wiper blades were moving to a melodious, hypnotic beat."

My least favorite part
         None.

Final comments
         I'm just curious; is it that easy to take a baby across the Mexican border? Also, is Rivera her married name, or her maiden name?
         Congratulations for the win.
         Write on. Keep writing.

orientpearl

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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review To: {color:blue}Stu's Head
Reviewed by: pnalayab
Date: 10-14-07
Rating: 5.0
Item title: {color:blue}WHITE CASE MEMORIAL
I.D. #: 230549

Review Follows:

Dear Student of the Word,

MY OVERALL THOUGHTS
         I am overwhelmed and deeply touched for this memorial in remembrance of those WDC members who are no longer with us but in spirit. In my attempt to finally respond to the wonderful reviews you gave my chapters to my novel ("MY BREASTS"), I chanced upon this particular message forum. I never expected this. How wonderful of you to start something like this for those who've left a legacy here. I know of some of them, and I can't believe that they've passed on.

         As you know, I'm living with breast cancer (the subject of my novel); and my initial thoughts upon seeing this forum is: "Geeze, I hope my name won't ever be included here." But life is so fragile. We never know when it's going to be our time. The next person could be the healthiest person I've ever known, then just like that, the Grim Reaper could give him a visit tomorrow.

MY FAVORITE PART:
         How you've included the bitem I.D. numbers to the departed's folders. I will definitely pay them a visit. Should I be reviewing their entries, or should I just read them for my reading pleasure?

MY FINAL COMMENT(S):
         Why are these members' accounts still active? Who's paying for their membership, if any. Does WDC need any permission to maintain the decedents' accounts? Just curious;

         Thanks for sharing this memorial to us. What a wonderful thought.

         I am saddened to learn that your mother has passed on 8 years ago from cancer. My Mom's death happened not long ago. I still feel that she's still around.

         Thank you for all the kind words and rating you gave my novel. I look forward to more R&R's with you.

Write on.

Orientpearl

MY BREASTS -- My Cure Open in new Window. (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon

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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review To: Carol Marsella
Reviewed by: pnalayab
Date: 09-29-07
Rating: 5.0
Item title: A MADISON COUNTY EVENT
I.D. #: 1153533

Review Follows:

Dear Carol,

PERSONAL NOTE: Covered bridges are favorite historical structures of mine, and those who know me well, like writeartista, knew that I would find this article an interesting read. Therefore, writeartista recommended to me (and others) that I read this. Note the date when I wrote this review. I forgot to send it to you, and I just found it now. Well, better late than never, as they say.

I am writing this little intro with a painting of Indiana's most famous Bridgetown covered bridge, which crosses over the mill pond created by a mill dam. I bought this painting years ago during a tour of Brown County Indiana in the fall.

It's not only the subject of the Bridges of Madison County in Iowa that writeartista thought I would find worth reading, but the friendship of two people through the end and beyond. Writeartista and I have become very good friends, not only because we share the same cultural heritage, but because of many other things that find two people connected spiritually. Here at WDC, this type of friendship seems to be happening more and more. Through my novel about my experiences with breast cancer, I have found many caring people, and some of them have become my friends--virtually, of course. But someday, I hope to meet some of them in person.

I digress. Sorry, back to your story. . .

My overall thoughts
          About the plot: This is a story about an enviable true friendship, laced with practical jokes, between two literary women. The ending presents a sad twist that is unexpected. But overall, a thoroughly enjoyable story to read, and I would recommend it to anyone, especially women.


          About the characters: The two women are three-dimensional in their presentation. No one would ever say that they’re not believable characters, not only because this is biographical, but because you, the author, has done a terrific job in making them breathe on paper.

          About the language/dialogue: Your grammar is excellent. I observed virtually no error whatsoever. Your spelling and punctuations are dead on. This is written in essay format so there’s hardly any dialogue to comment on its believability.

My favorite part: It’s hard to choose because I like the whole story. But this part made me think of myself when I’m about to indulge into a solitary read. “I turned off the phone and the computer, inserted hours of Bach into the CD player, picked up my favorite fuzzy throw, and made my way to the sanctity of my favorite chair for a reader’s version of an afternoon delight.”

My least favorite part: How sometimes your sentences tend to run on, which makes me pause and think hard. (We don’t want that, right?)

My technical suggestions or comments: About NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (sic). I had to stop and think whether names of periodicals, like National Geographic need to be all-caps, as you’ve typed here. I don’t think so, do they?


My final comment: This is a thoroughly enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing, and when you find the time, I’d appreciate a similar visit from you.

Write on.

P.S. Since I read this the first time, you've inevitably changed and added a few things, making some of my comments/suggestions moot. I like the part about visiting the covered bridges in Lancaster, PA, and thought about Connie. I'd like to go back to Brown Country, Indiana someday. It's beautiful this time of year there. I've never seen autumn as vibrant anywhere.

You've also added an appreciation note to writeartista for giving you a great review. I don't think she knows about this acknowledgment from you. I'll let her know.

Orientpearl

{bitem: 1219105}

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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Feedback for "Across the Universea poem by L.A. Powell
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Lisa.

My general comment
         This site overflows with voices from thousands of authors, and you've always managed to maintain a distinctive voice to separate yours from the others. When we hear your voice through your words, we can always depend that you're saying something extraordinary. So we listen. So we understand. So we applaud.


The Plot
         This is a story abour domestic abuse and violence. To me, there is no denying that this is between two adult people, a man and a woman who are perhaps married to each other. I think this because after the violence, after the sexual and verbal abuse, he later apologizes to her. I've seen this happen repeatedly to a best friend.

Characterization
         Your characters live and breathe on paper. We hate the perpetrator of this diabolical act, and our hearts go out to the victim. A part of me, however, is angry at the victim for being weak. As I'd said to my friend many times, "Get out of that evil place. Anything is better than this." But perhaps, it easier said than done because many women remains trapped in this abusive relationship.


Technicalities
          As usual, this piece is very clean. Poetry not being my forte, I cannot comment on the mechanics of it. I can only tell you that it affected me emotionally, and that's to your credit.

Suggestions
         I have no suggestion at this time, except, maybe to change the title. It doesn't seem to fit the poem.

My favorite part
         There is a darkness in this room,
         one of emptiness, foreboding, of doom.
         Silence shivers into sound,
         a creak down the hall, rattles all around.

My least favorite part
         The title.

Final comment
         Write on!
         Keep writing.

orientpearl

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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Maria,

Viewing your photo exhibit has been such a treat. I'm so glad you decided to post these pictures. Your most current photos are lovely.

I adore that one of "Santa Maria." You make a great Santa. You should use this picture for one of your WDC sigs for Christmas. Your photo, Little Sister shows you in your late twenties. (I wish I had that figure when I was in my 20's. *Smile* You say that your "little sister" was through the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization, and that you haven't seen her for a long time. How long? I wonder if contacting the agency could guide you in searching for her. I would contact them (if you haven't done it) if I were you.

Now, I see the Corporate Maria in her beautiful executive office. Loved that non-traditional executive suit. It's so mod. Was your office always that neat? Mine wasn't.

Your writeartista- self-portrait is gorgeous. Even though it's only a line drawing, I feel that you've captured your true essence in this rendering. Love the hair. Now, you're wearing what looks like a more traditional executive suit here. Lovely.

The picture of your niece Lilly is precious as it is delightful. I see your face in hers in your youth. It's so funny how you describe her as a "sweet angel with an occasional temper." Aren't they all? *Smile*

Wow, your skydiving pictures are great. Why did you cut out your (ex?) boyfriend's picture? But thanks for showing his long arm. He must be very tall. That's a fantastic tandem jump picture. Someone paid a lot of money to have this picture taken from 13,500 feet. (Yes, I've read your "Skydive! Look Ma, I'm Flying" short story.) And look at you, devoid of any fear freefalling in the stratosphere. The photo of you waiting to manifest, really looks like it's been scanned from a newspaper article. However, you didn't say why your picture was in the paper, and what they said in the article.

Lastly, your Introducing G.W. Bush is a great picture. Did that really happen? You're so courageous to post this picture as your manifestation of support for GWB. As far as I know, most writers are from the liberal side of the political arena.

Well, I'm sorry to see this photo exhibit end. MORE, PLEASE!

Have a great day, Maria.

Pearl
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Lisa,

Beautifully written, but ambiguous in its expression. This is unlike anything else of yours I've read where I never had to think too much at what you're saying. Your prose has always been crystal clear, always deserving of a perfect 5.0 from me. Till now. I've read this twice; still, I don't get it. I'm sure it's my fault. I have to read the referenced Part 4 so I can better understand this poem. I'm sure I will.

Write on.

Pearl
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Review of Moments of Gold  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can only imagine how it must feel like to watch your granchildren play each other and be a witness to their individual characteristics, temperament, miscievousness and idiosyncracies. Your descriptions and honesty in expression gave me a very good idea. It must be fun for you to rush to your computer after babysitting to replay everything you've seen in your head, and transfer those images onto words. The result: this beautiful story.

You have a very beautiful and talented family. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

Write on.

Pearl
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Maria,

I've been reading the public review page and saw all the comments on your artworks. Artworks? What artworks, I asked myself, ignorant of your new postings. What a treat! And an Awardicon already on this folder after only a couple of days of its creation? Obviously, you have impressed some people tremendously, and rightly so.

I'm delighted that you've finally decided to share your other talents to us. What stunning images.

Thank you.

Orient Pearl

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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Hedoren,

I like the title page. Did you design and create the artwork?

OK, I visited your port hoping for information about you. I gather that "Hedoren" is a pen name. You speak about the grammar in your novel as based heavily on Japanese, but "Eraknian" doesn't sound Japanese to me. To further confuse me, the name "Shri" (although I loved the name) sounds more Indian than Japanese.

I am interested, and will surely read more of your novel to clear up my confusions.

Write on.

Orient Pearl
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, so entertaining and humorous. I wonder what life would be like for you without Fred? And why Fred? I once had a puppy I named after my last name. I also created a diary of his activities (and destructions around the house), which I've kept for more than ten years so far (eight years more than I had him). Your diary about Fred has inspired me to give the story about my dog another breath.

Very well done.

Write on.

Pearl
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Review of The Angel Lounge  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I just posted my first message here. All this time, I never thought I had much to say to everyone in the forum. I'm glad I finally took the initiative to enter the lounge and interact. This is such a terrific place to unwind with colleagues. I hope to come back often.

Orient Pearl
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Stallion,

I would like to know who the heck those members are (the 7% who said they would say "Who the hell are you?" upon meeting Jesus Christ for the first time.) I am glad that majority of those who responded to your poll said the same thing I did.

Your portfolio looks very impressive and I will add it to my favorites listing. I will definitely revisit with you some other time.

Write on.

Pearl
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi again Southern Diva,

I found this piece quite an enjoyable read. I think many of us have experienced something similar that will forever be embedded in our memories.

One minor suggestion: Delete the comma after the word late in this sentence: Parking spaces are limited, and my being late, forced me to park in the back forty.

Good job.

Write on.

Orient Pearl

Reviewed for:The WDC ANGEL ARMY
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Review of MOUNT PINATUBO  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear friend,

I noticed that you haven't added anything to this novel since Chapter Nineteen. I canmot criticize you because I am well aware of your very busy and hectic corporate life. You're here, there, and everywhere.

I was also surprised to find out that there were a few chapters to your novel that I haven't read. Geeez, how could this happen? I check your port frequently for any new entry.

I like this little preamble. If you intended people to review it, you might as well make it longer, in my humble opinion.

Still . . . well done. I look forward to reading those missed chapters and get back to you asap.

Take care, and write on!

My warmest regards,

Pearl
(Orient Pearl)
Proud member, THE WDC ANGEL ARMY
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Gabriella,
Reviewed for:The WDC ANGEL ARMY

You are a masterful storyteller who knows how to bring back life within a faded photograph, and share with your readers the man behind the man in the cloisonné frame.

A great portrayal of the human soul written with grace and intelligence. The man without a name is an unforgettable character. Well done.

Write on.

Orient Pearl


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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Gabriella,
Reviewed for:The WDC ANGEL ARMY

You are a masterful storyteller who knows how to bring back life within a faded photograph, and share with your readers the man behind the man in the cloisonné frame.

A great portrayal of the human soul written with grace and intelligence. The man without a name is an unforgettable character. Well done.

Write on.

Orient Pearl
Reviewed for:The WDC ANGEL ARMY

{image:1250565]
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Review of The Journey III  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Ta,

Thank you for sharing this with us. The moral lessons you illustrated are so true; we should all be reminded of them through our lives.

Details are always very important in a story. If I may offer any suggestion, I would like to see some details on the drugs (or poison *Smile*) used for the chemo cocktail, and how many sessions you're supposed to undergo for the treatment.

I look forward to reading more of your experiences with breast cancer.

Write on.

Warmest regards,

Pearl
A Proud Member of: THE WDC ANGEL ARMY
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Review of The Journey II  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Ta,

Indeed, most women with breast cancer find hair loss to be the most traumatic side effect of chemotherapy. Your friend said you "looked like a boiled egg." My sister said I "looked like a Tibetan Monk." I couldn't look at myself in the mirror the whole time she was shaving my head, but I laughed so hard with her comment. She started laughing, too. Soon we were both crying and laughing at the same time.

Thanks for sharing this piece with us. I felt your every word. If I could offer any suggestion, it would be to make this a little longer. For it to be a stand alone piece, you might want to add some explanation for the hair loss and the reappearance of hair growth. Those who are fmiliar with your work, including me, of course, are aware of the background for this piece. However, I would, if I were writing this, try to make it more of a complete piece for a more powerful effect.

I look forward to reading more of your experiences with breast cancer.

Write on.

Warmest regards,

Pearl

A Proud Member of: THE WDC ANGEL ARMY
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Review of The Journey  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Ta,

Thank you for sharing this with us. Pretty soon I will also be sharing the same joy: It's all over! The surgery, the chemotherapy, the radiation . . . they're all finished! And I feel just fine! I can't wait for that day. Will I be crying like you did, I wonder.

I look forward to reading more of your experiences with breast cancer.

Write on.

Warmest regards,

Pearl

A Proud Member of: THE WDC ANGEL ARMY
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dear Ta,

First of all, I extend to you my welcome mat into the WDC Angel Army. I hope you're enjoying yourself as I do. There are a lot of wonderful Army volunteers here who are ever ready to offer you a helping hand, so don't hesitate to ask.

This story is heart-wrenching; something I can truly relate to, as you very well know. As I continue to read your items from your port, I am becoming more and more learned about your journeys with breast cancer. As a result, I am also getting to know you much better.

If there is any suggestion I can offer, it would be to make this story a little longer. Somehow it just reads rushed.

I look forward to reading more of your experiences with breast cancer.

Write on.

Warmest regards,

Pearl

A Proud Member of: THE WDC ANGEL ARMY
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
OOPS! We'll try again.

Dear Writeartista,
A review by pnalayab
A proud member of theWDC Angel Army{/size)

"The House My Father Built" is a chapter that was long in coming, but oh, so worth the wait. The emotional impact of seeing the house heavily destroyed by the volcano eruption was powerful. You made me feel what Mary felt from the time she saw the house. I feel the walls of my heart quake as we stand in front of the old house—the house our father built—the house that had stayed in the family for almost four decades. "The walls of my heart quake," is an excellent phrase to describe Mary's emotion. Great word usage.

This is a remarkable paragraph:The house, or what is left of it, sobers me for a long moment. I stand motionless, staring silently at the structure that was once my world, where many dreams were woven and made me into what I am now. All that has remained is a shell of a house with a few useless remnants of the past.

Almost every paragraph in this chapter is notable in their construction, but I should stop copying them here lest I get criticized for it.

The story about the 9-drawer chest that Mary's father built for the children, is a pivotal part of this chapter. I saw the visual as Mary forced to open her own drawer, which had been locked for many years. What she discovered revealed a lot about her mother's immense pride of Mary's talents in art and writing--something Mary never knew.

Great job.

Write on Writeartista.

pnalayah
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Writeartista,
A review by pnalayab
A proud member of the
CHAPTER FIFTEEN{/size)

"The House My Father Built" is a chapter that was long in coming, but oh, so worth the wait. The emotional impact of seeing the house heavily destroyed by the volcano eruption was powerful. You made me feel what Mary felt from the time she saw the house. I feel the walls of my heart quake as we stand in front of the old house—the house our father built—the house that had stayed in the family for almost four decades. "The walls of my heart quake," is an excellent phrase to describe Mary's emotion. Great word usage.

This is a remarkable paragraph:The house, or what is left of it, sobers me for a long moment. I stand motionless, staring silently at the structure that was once my world, where many dreams were woven and made me into what I am now. All that has remained is a shell of a house with a few useless remnants of the past.

Almost every paragraph in this chapter is notable in their construction, but I should stop copying them here lest I get criticized for it.

The story about the 9-drawer chest that Mary's father built for the children, is a pivotal part of this chapter. I saw the visual as Mary forced to open her own drawer, which had been locked for many years. What she discovered revealed a lot about her mother's immense pride of Mary's talents in art and writing--something Mary never knew.

Great job.

Write on Writeartista.

pnalayah
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Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Diane.

I don't know how to review this piece. It looks like an actual letter written by Alonso Pérez de Guzmán. I Googled him to get any idea of who he is, but what I've read didn't aid me at all. If it's a fictional letter, it didn't engage me enough.

What I liked is the armada leader's motivation for battling the English, but during that period wars still took place, misguidedly, in the name of Jesus Christ.

Write on.

pnalayab

A proud member of WDC Angel Army
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Review of Take Me Back  Open in new Window.
Review by orientpearl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi again, Diane.

Another terrific short story from you. I liked this a lot. I could hear the tone and voice of the protagonist loud and clear. The plot is a complete one well-engineered.

The pace is quick and flowed nicely. The only thing that slowed down my reading was when I got to the part: Maybe she likes to watch. Up until that point, I thought he was with a man.

One misspelled word: vaccuum, which should be: vacuum.

I loved the ending.

Two thumbs up.

pnalayab

A proud member of WDC Angel Army
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