I lost my father when I was quite young, and you got the emotions perfect. I would fix some of the grammar errors, and change some words, then it would earn you the 5.0 :)
Add more. How does he/she (you didn't specify) get out? Caplitalize and use your puncuation, that will always get the extra bonus points you need. Have fun with it, though!
I would give it a 4.0, but in the last line, you say the same thing two diffrent ways. It should be the the hunted becomes the hunter, and the killer becomes the killed.
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