Hi, Richard T. Clark !
Overall (-/+)
This is AWESOME! I love the story so far, and I would read the next chapter right now if my sister didn't want on the computer. She's making me get up. But the story is really good! It's well described, and even in the first chapter, I have a good idea of what is going on and you didn't take chapters and chapters to get to the plot-line. (I've seen some people do this).
You're doing a wonderful job, and keep up the good work! I have several suggestions below, but those aside, I have nothing to complain about.
Write on!
Characterization
I didn't get to know any characters other than Séamus very well, but Connell sounds like a cute little child, and Séamus is proving to be very interesting. Looking forward to more development in the future!
Plot/Finishing the Plot(s)
The plot is awesome! You have me itching to read more! I like it a lot so far, and will most surely continue reading. I like the idea of how the story is pulling together from just this one chapter.
Since this is just the first chapter in what proves to be a good story, I cannot comment on the finishing of the plot(s).
Dialogue/Spacing
There was no dialogue in this chapter, so I cannot comment on it. The spacing was constant, and nothing was squished togehter, although I would suggest that you space your paragraphs out a little. I lost my place while reading at least ten times because of the length of the paragraphs.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions
These are just my personal suggestions. If you do not agree with me, feel free to ignore me.
The rain had been falling in minuscule drops since just after dusk, and finally dissipated as dawn broke over the horizon(,) leaving the hills blanketed in a dense fog — I think you could use a comma where indicated, because it just sounds a little awkward without it. Try reading the sentence aloud to yourself without the comma in place(Not pausing for even a slight second while reading), and then again with the comma (Pausing for a second). Which sounds better to you? Go with it.
The only sound disturbing the silence, a creek not far off crashing over stones, running its course — This sentence just came off as a little awkward. Perhaps make it say something like this in order to make it a complete sentence: The only sound disturbing the silence was a ceek not far off as it crashed over stones and ran its course.
At the base of one of the grassy knolls stood a cabin covered in peat moss(,) protecting its inhabitants — Again, I suggest adding a comma where indicated. Once again, read it aloud to yourself, and go with what sounds best to you.
The cabin was not any more lavish inside than out, although much warmer. — I had to stop and go over this sentence several times before I udnerstood what it meant, and even then, it still sounded a little awkward. Perhaps something like this instead: On the inside, the cabin was not any more lavish than on the outside, although it was much warmer. — The reason I suggest reshaping the whole sentence instead of just adding a word or two is because if you wrote something like this—The cabin was not any more lavish inside than out, but much warmer inside—it seems a little repetative by using the word "Inside" twice in such a small sentence.
holding his wife and recalling the discussion they had the night before. — I sugges changing the word "they" to "they'd". Read it aloud to yourself and go with what sounds best.
With all of the wonderful stories of (the)success of its inhabitants that appeared to flow continuously — I suggest adding the word "The" where indicated.
Séamus climbed gingerly from bed careful to not wake his wife, and made his way over to the table, pulling out a chair and sitting down. — Once again, I would reshape the whole sentence so it doesn't sound as awkward. Here's an example of what you could do—Séamus climbed gingerly from bed, careful not to wake his wife, and made his way over to the table where he pulled out a chair and sat down. The reason I suggest editing the whole sentence is because, first off, you used the word "sitting" in a story that is supposed to be told past-tense, and "sitting" is present tense. Another reason I suggest editing it is because, to make the sentence flow right, you'd have to add another comma, and it would then become a run-on sentence.
Maybe Treasa was right about life being easier in America he thought — Usually, thoughts are placed in italics, and if you don't want to do that, at least seperate "he thought" from what he was thinking with a comma, so as not to confuse readers. Like this: Maybe Treasa was right about life being easier in America, he thought.
As Séamus began to wash his teeth with the cloth, he wondered if his son would ever have to make this kind of decision, he hoped Connell would make the right choice as he had. — I suggest changing the first indicated comma to a period. It seems like a run-on sentence otherwise, and if not a run-on sentence, it still sounds a little awkward. If you do change it to a period, consider adding a comma after the words "right choice".
A light breeze began to blow(,) providing a relief to the still intensely saturated air. — I suggest adding a comma where indicated.
In the past he had had problems with wolves taking sheep from the flock during — Maybe instead of "he had had", you could write "he'd had". He'd is a contraction of "he had".
Opening the gate wide, Séamus began to herd the flock out in to the open, while gazing fondly at a set of twins only two days old bringing up the rear. — Once again, it sounds a little awkward, and I'd suggest reshaping the sentence to something like this: Opening the gate wide, Séamus began to heard the flock out into the open, all the while gazing fondly at the set of twins who were only two days old as they brought up the rear. — Also, you could describe what kind of twins. Sheep? Cows?
Upon reaching the pasture Séamus set out to dispersing the flock, before taking a rest under a splendid old yew. Leaving plenty of time to contemplate and reflect, while keeping a watch over the herd. His thoughts wondered to and fro, not lingering on any one subject for very long, until Treasa again came to mind. — Once again, a run-on, awkward sentence. Perhaps soemthing like: Upon reaching the pasture, Séamus set out to dispersing the flock before taking a rest under a splended old yew, still leaving plenty of time to conremplate and reflect while keeping a watch over the heard. His thoughts wondered to and fro, not lingering on any one subjest for very long... until Treasa came to mind. Once again, these are only my personal suggestions, and you can very happily ignore me.
Rousing them, and grouping them with the rest of the flock he began the drive back to the paddock. — I suggest moving the comma in this sentence so it rests after the word "flock", so the sentence would look like this: Roucing them and grouping them with the rest of the flock, he began to drive back to the padlock.
It was slower work getting the flock back, now on a full stomach, but still manageable in good time for some one with a goal, Séamus’ goal, to fill his aching stomach. — This was a hard one. I was a little confused, because at first, you mentioned that it was slower work on a full stomach, but then mentioned that the character was hungry. Perhaps you meant that his mind was on a full stomach. If so, the sentence would look like this: It was slower work getting the flock back, his mind now on a full stomach, but still manageable in good time for someone with a goal to fill his aching stomach. It still sounds a tiny bit awkward, but the reader would understand it better.
He was 100, 75, 50, now 20 yards from the cabin, — I find it best to always spell out numbers in writing; it doesn't disrupt the flow of the reader that way. So, instead of 100, 75, 50, and so on, which, by the way, is easier to write, you would say "one hundred, seventy-five, fifty..." and so on.
The door to the cabin was standing wide open and sound of a struggle could now be heard from inside, as he reached the entrance at top speed, while time seemed to slow to a halt. — This seems like a run-on sentence. Perhaps something like this: The door to the cabin was standing wide open, and sound of a struggle could now be heard from inside. As he reached the entrance at top speed, time seemed to slow to a halt. Once more, read both aloud to yourself, and go with the one that sounds best to you.
once, twice, 3 times, 5 times, — Once again, I find it best to always spell out numbers in writing.
Sorry for taking up so much of your time! Once again, these are personal suggestions, and I'm sorry if I offended you or anything; if you don't agree with me, tell me and I'll try not to bother you with the same things in the future.
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