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Review of The Tourney  Open in new Window.
Review by Monji Derrek Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I must say I enjoyed it. You did a good job of describing the setting and the event. There was good description of the characters.
But Beron could be altered a little. It might make more sense to the reader and the characters if Beron wasn't just bloodthirsty, but very eager to achieve his knighthood. This would explain his idea of the squires fighting, and his intense actions during the fight. That way it would also give a compelling reason for both Gerred to offer the knighthood the Beron and for Beron and Garred to develop such a friendship.
Another little thing, the names are very similar: hard consonant, vowel, R, vowel, soft consonant. It might do good to change one of the names a little to better distinguish between them.
Good job!
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