Hello Kimberly. you did a great job with the prompt. I really enjoyed reading the story, especially since it was so full of suspense and it was a wonderful play with words. I had no idea where the story was headed. Nice twist at the end too. Well done.
I just noted this though, "...and the boy and his mother will "leave" long and healthy lives..." I realised that you had a little typo with the leave here.
Hello Lin,
I think this story is kind of sad. To give up everything so that you can do what you love, and then not being able to do it- frustrating and sad.
The story is well written and the descriptions are vivid. I enjoyed reading it,I especially loved the interaction between the coffee machine and Hooper.
Hello Bob,
First of all I think religious pieces can lead to much controversy especially when it comes to the use of right hand side and the left hand side of a supreme being. My interpretation of the seating arrangement is that the preferred ones are on the right hand side, especially since the devil is also on the left hand side.
I was also confused by the appearance of Bill O'Rilley, because he hadn't been mentioned previously in the seating arrangements.
If there was a deeper significance, I think I missed it, but then, that is poetry.
You wrote this story like you lived through it, or probably did some intense research on it. You made me live through the war, through the eyes of Vince. DRSmith, I loved reading this story to the last end.
Congratulations on your win. It is rather amazing ow you managed to pull this off. One man talking throughout, and Charlie's silence throughout, yet it still came out like a dialogue of sorts, which revealed all that was happening. I enjoyed reading it.
I love your story. I like your linking life's trials and tribulations to the flame of a candle. We all go through it, we know how it feels like. I am rating you not based on the technical aspects of your writing but on the content.
After commenting on some of my works I couldn't help but visit your portfolio. If someone who writes poetry as beautiful as you do, takes the time to read my poetry and comment on it, I am honoured.
Beautiful story. Really vivid. Noticed that it needs a few tweaks here and there though, the ones that you can easily overlook.
Your up early," she said with a yawn, "I guess your really excited about going to the mountains today.". (noticed it should have been you're)
" She said once she finally came down to the living room. "And really, why are you always watching weird documentaries?". "They're not weird, they're interesting" I replied. ( feel a comma should come after the She said. My thoughts though)
But me and my sister were already ahead of me. They both ran back to the patch of trees but I was too late. (But my mother and my sister, I think that was what you meant to write)
Happy writing!!!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pgoka
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 9:48am on Dec 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
