First and fore most I see no mistakes in this piece to point out.
You pull the readers in with your life stories and hold them till the end. I enjoy how you share important points but don't over due each with much unneed discription and run.. You get to the point, share enough information to the reader to understand the situation and move on.
I have read a few of your pieces and do plan on reading more. I can personaly relate to this piece. I myself have dealt with bi polar since I was 16 but was not diganosed until after I had my second daughter at the age of 22. I know fully about the first pain you feel that leads you into the downword spiral that stems the first attack of bipolar. I still remember what the inncodent that kicked mine in the full gear when I was 16, 16 years ago.I know what its like to want a change in life but you honestly don't know what kinda change you want because you truly don't know who you are or who you want to become.
This is one great piece. I can feel the emotions and see the imagery very well. Its holds a power to pull people the reads in. Rhyming and flow hold well through out. I'm sure there are those that will be able to relate to your piece in many ways.
I see on tiny mistake - It could all end right now, the end of you hope,
I think you should be your. I see nothing that needs to be changed is anyway. Keep writing and sharing your work.
This was a great read. Filled with emotion that most readers will be able to connect with. You share you poem well so others will easy understand and comprehend the meaning. I see no mistakes to point out. It holds a wonderful flow with good presentation. Thank you for sharing this with the readers. Welcome to WDC.
A very nice prayer. Short so even the little ones will have no problem remembering it. I see no mistake of course. This is a wonderful nightly prayer. Keep on writing.
This was a wonderful read. It holds great flow and presentation is nice. I see no mistake to point out. Welcome to WDC if you need anything just let me know.
Till then keep your pen moving.
A good read. One thing to suggest maybe adding why the relationship had ended. I think that would allow the reader to become more attached to the character.
I see no mistakes to point out. I was able to play the story in my mind like a movie as I read. Keep up the writing.
This is a good read. I see two mistakes to point out in line 6 you have she twice. The last line needs to brought up one space. It has a good flow. Keep up the writing.
Very nice. Just a few suggestions. If you could add something about what you are seeing. You inform the reader that you see moving shapes. And, how you are haunted by them. But, what are these shapes that you are seeing. What is haunting your sleep. I feel if you add a few little details you will grab the readers imagination a lot stronger being able to pull then into your words. Just my own opinion. Be up the writing.
You have a good poem here but I feel there is room for improvement.
The second line - And the air is hard with cold.
The use of the word hard to describe the cold makes it sound off. Maybe if you were to use another word to describe the cold it would hold a better flow to it. I think the use of the word blanket used repeatedly through it off as well. Maybe change blanket in one of the lines to the cotton cover.
You have potential in to making this something great.
All of this is my own opinion so anything you don't like pay not attention to it. Keep up the writing.
This piece is very great. The main thing that comes to mind is a rhyme out of something Dr Seuss would right. If read slow it rolls of the tongue nicely. I had to read it twice to fully understand it do to all the rhyming but it works great for this piece. It was a joy to read.
I think you wrote this story wonderful. You show how the Jews many other ethnic races started out with normal lives then out of now where were forced in to poverty then ultimately death. You able to hold the readers attention till the end. You give good description with a great ending. I see no mistakes to point out. Reading anything on the subject breaks my heart. How thousands can die under ones man order.
Keep up the writing.
This was a very great story. I have really enjoyed the read. You use great description pulling the reader in and holding them until the end. I see no mistakes to point out. And, I don't feel anything could be added or removed its perfect the way its is. Keep up the writing.
This was a wonderful read. I like the point of view coming from the baby. It shows love and compassion between mother and child. I love the first two lines lines in the third stanza. As well as the hole second stanza. It has good flow with a great presentation. I see no mistakes to point out. Keep the writing.
A nice read on a good subject. It flows nicely with great presentation. It paints a vivid picture for the reader. A good descriptions on the subject. I see no mistakes needing too be pointed out. My favorite part would have to be the the last stanza. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Very cute and very funny. I nice change of pace of choices to read. It has nice flow with good presentation. I see no mistakes to point out. And, no opinion on anything to be added. Its great the ways it is. The lines to me are well its hard to just pick one so I will pick the whole things. Keep writing.
A very heart felt story. Very sweet tale to show dreams can come true as long as you can believe.
You paint a picture as the reader follows the story. I see no mistakes to point out.
A great read. You describe the character very well in the first and second half you made the transition nicely from good to bad. You shared what changed him very well. You wrote a great story. I see no mistakes to point out.
What a wonderful story you have written. The message it holds is a great one. If there is one thing that shakes my soul in life is the fact that people call them self's good people but turn to a horrible monster when someone different from know choice of their own are dumped on in life trying to shove them in the dirt as if there own self conscience hasn't put them self's there already. You wrote a wonderful story most will grab an emotional attachment to.
One thing that just doesn't sound right when I read it - a large car had bumped with Jasmine’s rickshaw.
I see no mistakes to point out.
Keep up your wonderful stories.
A very nice read. You shared the story well. Not spending to much time on each subject change just enough to keep the reader hooked without boredom. The description is just enough to help paint a picture of the girls. The plot flows nicely with a great ending.
I see no mistakes to point out.
Simple and to the point. I really like the first line. Hate the sins not the sinner. Holds nice flow easy for the reader to comprehend. I see no mistakes to point out.
A good read. Holds nicely flow an easy for the reader to understand. Any reader can make a person connection with the poem. I see no mistakes to point out.
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