The premise of your play is interesting and intriguing. I really love the revelation of Dorothy's "secret." Your execution in terms of action is dynamic.
There are some "blocking" issues; Karen turns a chair backwards and straddles it. Later she leans back in the chair and puts her feet up on the table. You never have her turn the chair around so what is she leaning against?
Glasses are knocked over yet no one at the table reacts.
There is also the mis-match between Karen's stated motive (wanting her mother to come to her wedding) and her confrontational approach. It diminishes the plays believability.
Hello Chester,
I really love the title "Stumbling Run." I also enjoyed being dropped directly into the story. It was great for the tension and excitement.
There was a "point of view" issue at the end of the first paragraph. The paragraph begins with Beckett's point of view and ends with the point of view of the dark objects that loomed on either side.
Overall I enjoyed your work and all of the unanswered questions!
Outlander
My only issue is with your phrase "...oriental skin and scarlet red mystique." I was told that it is inappropriate and rude to use the term "oriental" in reference to a person. It should only the used when referring to an inanimate object.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/outlander
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 3:38am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
