I love the ending. Closure, and of course, I relate...although, here in Mexico, am more terrified of ubiquitous mosquitoes (my feet seem to always have the Chicken Pox).
Is this line supposed to be differently justified from the rest of the poem:
"The fear of night scares"?
Seems to be off-kilter. On purpose?
As you've heard so many times, a very enjoyable piece. Sure I will remember it (probably just before I drift off sometime) and, had I a child, I would read it to him/her tonight.
Tense clash here--from present, suddenly to past, though we're still in the same moment...awkward: "The signpost to my right is wordless, blank arrows shooting towards an unknown future. I drew my coat around me, and started to shiver violently."
I very much like the "tarry" asphalt, and this: "mist brushes against me, leaving my skin clammy and moist."
I like this, too: "idyllic expanses of green, past bubbly springs that threw water droplets into the air, like little crystals flung with careless abandonment." Vivid and pleasing.
Not feeling the rainbow section...too cartoony for my taste.
Tense clash again: "We gazed in awe at their solemn majesty, respectfully silent with our heads bowed, in tribute to the pain and hurt of a past life. We stare into each other’s eyes, and promise never to be buried in this graveyard of shattered dreams." Pick one.
Your descriptions of water are magical. Very enjoyable.
I also like the notion of scent disappearing altogether. Feels virtual; colder.
I appreciate the meaning behind this, but a bit trite: "a bewildered child left alone without a compass." Consider a fresher image.
"head" is repeated in the last paragraph. Consider changing one.
I very much enjoyed the ending, but am not sure I like the words "City of Despair." Again, a bit trite (in my opinion...).
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