This is very creatively written! Very rich vocabulary and stanza structure. The imagery in the first stanza is very refreshing, just as the last stanza is painful and mourning. Nice contrast; this poem is very well-rounded and clever. Nicely done!
This is a great first poem! I like words you used like "sodden" and "strife".
It is a bit short, and the ellipsis at the end bothers me a tad, but you are right in it being dark in nature. Nonetheless, is was a very nice poem and I do hope that your writing continues!
Well, the first half of this entry was surely uplifting! The transition from the positive to the negative was clean and smooth, and proceeded to make me weary. I like the vocabulary used here, like "stupor" and "turrets", and other words not very commonly used. Very creative details, like "Creatures feasting on the galloping horses" that make me tremble. Nicely done!
I'm liking the rhymes beginning in the 3rd stanza with "arm" and "harm", then again with "rest" and "test". At first I thought it interrupted the flow of the poem, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt it acted like a balancing beam for the entry.
I ADORE the subject matter. It is really inspiring and I feel that I can easily connect. A great thing to read this morning; It is amazing how Jesus loves us. I hope this poem inspires others, too!
I like how you dramatize the actions in your writing by using one-word sentences such as "Pause. Salute". This allows me to visualize this being done. What a funny story! It seriously sounds like something I would do. Nice personification. ;)
Brilliantly written. Of course, the font color adds quite a flair, but the words within the colors truly do humble the heart. If looking at the poem as a rhyming scheme, the flow ties together quite nicely, except for perhaps the 5th stanza, but the context of the story certainly made up for that. This is a great reminder of that grave time, but I agree with the fact that many heroes were born from this, as written in your wonderful poem.
Very nice title to the story. I am generally interested in the theme of this story, but I do wish that there was a little more detail involved. You created good imagery with "There was a nice tan painted wall, with a white carpet." However, I almost feel as though this was merely a skeleton of what could have been. You have a very nice story coming along, but the events flashed by so quickly in reading that I didn't get full detail in the events. For example, what did the outside of the hotel look like? What did the woman look like, and how old was she? The sentences made me take lots of pauses.
On another note, it really was a good story, and the second paragraph really built suspense. Just handing out a bit of positive advice! Keep writing! :D
I agree with the 4th stanza referring to the acceptance of the past.
The rhyming scheme didn't seem too forced, and flowed rather nicely. On a more personal note, the past is what define you and equips you with a better understanding for the future.
A very good read, indeed, and very true!
The imagery in this selection is astounding! I can see such a vivid image of the crag. The description of the void-filling man made me laugh. I wish I knew why the husband never same back. Did the crag kill him? was there a divorce? There are context clues in the story, but I would love to read more and relieve the suspense.
Excellent!
This story brings me encouragement, although I do not use online dating. It has cute little tone to it, and is a very believable, if not a non-fiction story. Most people can relate to the same feelings that Todd has, so more time is spent becoming the character than instances for which the reader has to decode every word.
A very feel-good read. We're glad you turned around as well, Todd!
I really enjoy this entry. The rhythm of the writing had a bouncy flow to it, as most sonnets do, and I quite liked the vocabulary. Rhyming "intelligent" with "belligerent" was beautiful.
It is safe to say that you are not an intelligent "fool" after all, just raw intelligence.
Clever work!
This was a great read! I am so captivated by your imagination through your vivid spectrum of vocabulary and imagery. I sometimes wish you hadn't repeated a few of the words, but I also understand that it can be hard to replace them. This seems almost beyond my intelligence, as I could barely grasp some of the images in mind.
Good read! I'm happy to hear that your life is improving. I like the use of dark and light in this selection, comparing to the ups and downs of life. You have also used good synonyms like "uncouth", which I also enjoy. Unpredictable.
I was drawn in immediately by the beautiful arrangement of words in this. The emotion was there, all of it. All of the sorrow that comes with losing someone so dear. It was so real. As I read farther, the story confused me for a bit. Who was this other girl? It then came full circle in the end. Was the speaker a ghost, too? "Our stone" came to mind. This is a story about two ghost lovers, isn't it? The inability to eat or sleep convinces me.
I truly love this story.
I'm really liking the speaker's style in this story. The use of slang and spelling really bring the character to life. Not only am I curious about the taste of this food, but I'm also looking up the word "obsequious" right now. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your future stories, perhaps maybe even a follow-up on this one.
Very nice. The emotion is pretty strong here. I especially like the line "so you cannot dance upon my bloody muscle". The poem has actually made me a bit sad, which is high marks on your writing! Looking forward to future poems!
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