I've started reviewing your journal, I've gotten through the first five entries, I'm hoping to get the rest before tomorrow morning (we'll see how that goes, I've got formal tonight)
Beginning - One July Day
"Beginning - One July Day"
This is very cute, I can't wait to read the rest of the journal.
Spelling:
"running with big black trashbags over our heads"
"running with big black trash bags over our heads"
Grammar:
"no boys, no responsibilities."
"no boys, and no responsibilities."
"but to my little brother and I, it would be an adventure."
"but to my little brother and me, it would be an adventure."
Content:
This is such a cute piece! There are a few places where it is a bit awkward at times, and I would suggest reading it over out loud, if you don?t notice anything awkward then don?t change it!
Overall:
Extremely cute, I'm anticipating reading the rest!
4.5 Stars
Great job!
110
"110"
Wow.
Spelling:
"getting terribly sunburnt in general."
"getting terribly sun burnt in general."
I was kinda amazed "sun burnt was two words.
"before or since been in an airborn car,"
"before or since been in an airborne car,"
Grammar:
"potential interferences by the law."
"potential interference by the law."
Content:
I wouldn't change anything. Besides next time being in the car with you . I'm actually jealous that you got a car to do that! Closest I've come was... well... maybe I shouldn't influence the young minds of writing.com
Overall:
Great piece, I'm curious did you ever tell your parents?
5 Stars
Still jealous
Kentucky
"Kentucky"
Thank you, thank you so much. Please please please make this into a static item by itself. This is such a powerful story, and unfortunately there a lot of people who experience this and don?t realize what happened. I'm not saying take it out of your journal, heavens no, but more people will read it if it's a static item <- my opinion.
Spelling:
"unresponsive parter for so long"
"unresponsive partner for so long"
"Isn't the gorgeous?"
"Isn't she gorgeous?"
"than I knew what had awaken me."
"than I knew what had awakened me."
I think it might be "then" also, but that one I'm not sure about
Grammar:
"There's a lot of them, but I love them all. I got lucky, we're a really happy family."
"There are a lot of them, but I love them all. I got lucky; we're a really happy family."
"I simply laid with my eyes closed"
"I simply lay with my eyes closed"
"My conscience was repulsed, astounded by"
"My conscience was repulsed; astounded by"
"I laid still at first, afraid I would"
"I laid still at first; afraid I would"
"outside the window, still dark but"
"outside the window; still dark but"
Content:
So amazing, I felt like I was there, I wanted to help you, reach out to you. That's what a reader needs to feel.
Overall:
One word: Perfect.
5 Stars I don't care how many spelling/grammar mistakes there were.
Thank you for sharing such a powerful piece.
Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails
"Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails"
The title confuses me, but it's very cute.
Spelling:
"one of the best techinical artists"
"one of the best technical artists"
"We are giong to sit here until"
"We are going to sit here until"
Grammar:
"Forget it, I don't"
"Forget it; I don't"
"wrong with me, you should"
"wrong with me; you should"
" but I got plently of punishment"
" but I got plenty of punishment"
Content:
Great! I wouldn't change anything.
Overall:
Wonderful story, very cute.
4.5 Stars
You're stories are all quite cute!
Royal Pain In the Oaks
"Royal Pain In the Oaks"
Awesome title :)
Spelling:
"he called to the laborious bovine" <- I know what you mean, but I don't think that's a word...
Grammar:
"about forty acres, with a barn"
"about forty acres; with a barn"
"joining in alongside we women."
"joining in alongside us women."
Content:
Nothing about it I would change.
Overall:
This piece is really wonderful, thanks for sharing it. You have had such an interesting life!
5 Stars
Five Entries Read So Far:
"Beginning - One July Day" 4.5
"110" 5.0
"Kentucky" 5.0
"Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails" 4.5
"Royal Pain In the Oaks" 5.0
Total:
5.0
I'm guessing that's going to remain true while I read the rest of the stories, so I have no qualms in rating it now.
Thanks so much Amanda
-Bart the Omi/Loco/Kitty
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
|