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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/oliviakay
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3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Olivia Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I don't usually read this kind of thing but I found it interesting and well written. I like the descriptions of place, clothing etc and could imagine it all quite easily. There were a couple of grammatical errors, easily done, but nothing drastic. Overall, I think it is very well written and the characters well depicted. I particularly like the wording of the wedding vows: 'Starting with this breath and until the end of my breaths.'
It has a good sense of time and place and I enjoyed reading it.
Well done.
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Review by Olivia Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
A good and exciting start with a fine sense of place. Your French is quite good and again takes the reader to the setting - I did wonder, however, whether he might have used the formal "Vous' as opposed to the familiar 'Tu' - but that is a minor thing.
Your descriptions of his concern, fear and pain are fine - My only problem with the first paragraph is that I feel it might be improved if it were broken up a little more for the simple reason that it is very fast paced (which is good) but I feel might be a little more dramatic if each sentence expressing his fear was separate: i.e. -
I run.
I run so fast etc...
Other than that I think it's very good and would certainly want to read more.
Good luck.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/oliviakay