What I like best is the title- 'four-legged protecter'. I never really thought of it that way, but dogs are like that. It also almost tells you about the poem, how it talks about the dog scaring the burglar. When it said 'the dog did not recall' is this because he doesn't recall meeting the person, so feels defensive?
I love this! It's so creative. It reminds me of a diamante poem. Even the writing is good. It's simple but tells you a lot in the short space it has. It's like it's telling an entire story in just a few words... I have never found anyone with this ability. It also displays determination, saying that if no one will teach her, she will teach herself.
I this. Awesome descriptive language, great theme, and lots of emotions. I like how it mentions his net-link number at the beginning, and later on you find out what it means. This changes from happy, then scary, and finally just plain sad. You have an amazing talent for writing and should definitely try to get it published. 2nd best only to the hunger games!
I would like to give you a review that will improve and compliment your work using these categories:
Title:
I thought the title explained the piece well, and it was nice, short and simple.
Language Features: You included great adjectives, and a bit of alliteration (food fun and fireworks) which was good.
Theme:
I like how you wrote about families celebrating their freedom and about the fireworks. You wrote this beautifully.
Overall impression:
You wrote a nice little poem about families coming together and I found not one mistake. I also like how the couplet at the start rhymed.
I entered this contest as well- and it looks like I have some competition! I really like the start about all the flowers and the aroma... I like how you included information about the place- like what they do during holiday season. I like the metaphor as well.
This story is really lovely- I'm even liking the name of Chase! I like how you described nearly everything, and you used interesting words too. I like how you had the lesson, or moral, at the end. My favourite part was when Chase licked your son, and how delighted he was.
I really enjoyed this poem, it is not very often that you get a beautiful poem about sleeping. Did you really sing in your sleep???
I like the way that you described dreaming, you even have some alliteration! (zeal and zest) I also like how it ended.
This is just like a blurb on the back of a book- it hooks you in and makes you want to read it! I'm dying to know what will happen next! I think if you wrote this out in full it could make a great story. I like the way you could make such a small piece of writing tell so much information.
This was a really creative idea, I certainly would never have thought of it! A bit sad where Bobo died at the end.... I like how this story is set in the future, most stories aren't and it's good to read something different. Maybe you could write a sequel where the main character teaches all people to laugh?
I love the rich language in this piece, and how it links back together at the end. I also like how each paragraph starts the same way, and the ending is nice too. I rate this 5 stars!
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this. Awesome descriptive language, great theme, and lots of emotions. I like how it mentions his net-link number at the beginning, and later on you find out what it means. This changes from happy, then scary, and finally just plain sad. You have an amazing talent for writing and should definitely try to get it published. 2nd best only to the hunger games!
