Time, Wayne, does not heal your wounds at all, but it does allow your memory to lose track of the cause of them. My memory is kind to me in my old age, it remembers clearly the good times.
A couple of places where the rhythm of the line is a bit out, but overall a pleasant read. keep at it, the content is good, and worth reading.
Cheers and best wishes
Bob
I cannot do anything but agree with your sentiments. Our world is busily destroying itself through lack of common courtesy, consideration for others less fortunate, and giving of help where it is needed. Governments, big business, and armed forces control us all in one way or another. Sadly, that can only end in the destruction of the human species, we are our own worst enemy. Thank you for posting this piece, it hits home with great force. I wonder will we as a species survive? I shall be long gone by then, and I am old enough to remember when you could walk the street late at night with safety.
I have not thought of nature as you pictured it here, but I do admire you sentiments and agree with them. Nature is what you have described in you well constructed poem. I know from experience the various moods of nature and the consequences you must pay when you flaunt her rules. Very well done indeed, I commend you.
I think this is a well constructed villanelle. It made me read carefully to get the full impact of the subject but I did enjoy the read. Thank you for giving me something to think about. Maybe I could ' stretch my style' a bit too.
Cheers and best wishes
Bravo to you for writing and posting this fine piece of writing. Sadly many of us in the wealthier countries are aware, but do not consider the problem is theirs to solve. I live in one of those countries, and although I don't have much money at all, I am aware of some of the third world country's problems with poverty. Even so, here in our affluent society, there is growing poverty in the lower socio enconomic circles, and we do nothing about that either. Those with the money to help out simply value their money more than the thousands of lives lost every year to the consequence of poverty, be it child marriage, slavery, and simply starvation. I can offer no solution, but to pray to whatever you believe in to give comfort to so many underprivileged people, wherever they may be.
Keep writing, whatever else you do. Someone will respond one day; positively.
I can only say "Bravo' to you for this poem. After thousands of years of trying to solve international problems with war, we, as a species, are nowhere. You have thought this poem out very well, constructed it well, and presemted it in a pleasing way for us readers to read. Add to that the simple fact that it communicates directly without metaphoric references and I think you have a great poem. I hope man is not eiminating mankind, but sometimes, I wonder.
An excellent presentation in the Lune format. I did enjoy my walk with you in conditions I have personally never experienced; it does not snow where I live. I offer no suggestions at all because your did what I believe all poetry should do, it communicated your walk to me. Keep up the good writing.
As a wish gift, this is a delight to receive and I thank you for your response to my poem. I do prefer the warm weather when my old bones are not frozen. I do believe an edit would improve the flow and rhythm of this poem of yours and make it something special that every reader would enjoy. I do appreciate the sentiment behind the poem and thank you for showing them to me this way.
Hi Julie. This poem speaks volumes of truth and reminds me of my own ageing processes. I can relate to it all, the heartache, the joys, the laughter, the tears, and the triumph when things go right. As a poem it may need some editing to smooth out the rhythm, but it communicates with me as poetry should and is emminently readable. Thank you for sharing yourself like this. It's worth a five.
Ageing ? No, this can't be. A little slip of memory, a tired feeling when one should be exhilarated, fixing normal things a real brain teaser. That is normal. Not feeling all these petty annoyances, is ageing. I like you thoughts Rob, I really do. I am perhaps a wee bit older, but life is full of positives anyway. Mother nature provides an endless supply of places to go and things to see and admire. I won't affer any suggestions for improvement, your poem communicated to me and tah is all I require from a poem. Thank you.
Very well constructed and presented, I like it it all. Not often do I find a poem that actually reflects my own feelings about the planet we live on. We, the human species, are the destroyers of the very earth we need to survive. Your rhythm and rhyme fits well with the flow of the poem and I can offer no suggestions to improve this piece.
You may have written this for a contest but it hits a sore spot with me. I too, have shut the door on new friendships. The poem is free verse but it seems to be just a little off beat. For instance, the last line of verse three is long and maybe would have more impact if written as two lines; " For when I look back on it,
My heart only breaks." This would emphasise the breaking heart.
Overall I liked reading this piece. Keep writing and look for the impact of your word choices; sometimes less is more.
I found this piece a very interesting read. The method of using conversation to tell the story is not new, but was handled well, I thought. The nature of things is a bit off the mark as most male lions will kill the cubs of another male to re-inforce his dominance over the female. However I put that aside and enjoyed your writing. With nature's romances there is often a sad, cruel side, which you chose to remove to get your 'happy ending'.
A feel good story, done quite well is my summation.
No matter how you look back at the past, you cannot change it, it is already history. Thinking about "What might have been' is a waste of time, However life does not give anyone a completely smooth ride and when ou are called on to take that final bow, do so with staisfaction, you have achieved a lot in your life whether you know it or not. You poem communicates well with me, the reader, and I take in your message readily. I am who I am because of the past I cannot alter, I should be content. Forgive my rambling but your poem did trigger so many apparently weird thoughts. A good read, with a good message.
Ilike the format you have used here, and the way you have chosen your words to convey your message with simplicity and style. The content delights me as I am old enough to remember times gone by when things were different. I did enjoy reading and had a smile at the content. Overall I think this is a delightful poem.
Your poem has a terriffic impact, not only the heartbreak about the poem's content, but your presentation spreads the focus of others to perhaps understand the tragedy of that awful complaint. Me, being male, will never fully appreciate your feelings, but I can empatise with you, and admire your courage.
very well crafted. The presentation is fair but the impact of the overall poem makes up for that. For me personally Freewats have no impact at all, there are none out where I live. As you say in your poem: "just a nightmare, she'll be right." One does get accustomed to driving on congested roads when one is doing it on a regular basis.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
I do not usually read or review sci-fi writing, but your story had me intrigued from start to finish. I assume this is the first chapter of a novel and I would be interested to read the completed book to see what happens. To my mind your characters speak for themselves, they appear real in the story, and their reactions follow a sort of logic. Congrats on a well written story.
I found this an intriguing tale, from start to finish. I liked the fairytale possibilities at the end, it made for a happy ending. At first I wondered where it was going but you soon put me straight. Apart from Calebs loss, there was little emotion shown in the writing, as if there was none between the two characters. A little remorse from the mermaid returning to humanity would have made it more realistic for me, but overall I enjoyed the read. Thank you for posting and keep writing.
I like this poem, it's simple, uncomplicated construction and, of course, the story it tells. Perhaps life as it is. The title is a good choice and refers to the climax of the poem. The content is clear and easy to read. I would not recommend any changes at all. Although I doubt the poem is perfect, it is as perfect as it needs to be.
I fully support your stance on GMO's. We humans should not meddle with nature at all. Money is the deciding factor, nothing else is even considered. A well written piece that demonstrates the simple fact that should all have a say through the market place, as to what goes into our food chain.
Very good poem for someone who is totally untrained. But then, good writing comes from the heart. As a poem it is a very good one. My only suggestion for change would be to substitute' Shall' for 'still' in the last line. I think this is an excellent tribute to the life you shared with your love before she passed away.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
I read this one because of the title, but you and I have differing ideas about reflections of the past. That said, I liked you poem, it is a reflection on what has gone by and considers what may come. It could be interpreted different ways, but I take as simply as it stands. Good luck for next year.
I often wondered what would happen if two women were left alone for some time, with no male to disturb them. A very well thought out piece with adequate description and activity. I faalterd a bit when reading aloud, but that's just me, I think. I live in a different world. Overall, I liked your poetic scene, a good pleasant read.
I've been on a drunken spree occasionally, just like your poem. As a poem it's not bad at all. The rhythm and rhyme could probably be improved, but the content is pure, un-inhibited carousing with alcohol as a companion. I like your style even though I lost my taste for that dreadful stuff some years ago. All I can say is - write on and keep enjoying the process.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
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