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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/okemo
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15 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Five Golden Rings  Open in new Window.
Review by Okemo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Dutch Hill Girl,
Just read your story and thought I'd give you my thoughts on it.

I found it a fun story and busy story. While I've never been faced with such a situation I do recall the craziness of having multiple children around which made a great obstacle for your character's need to get the house ready for inlaws.

I thought that the interaction between mom and each child to feel real and the dialogue realistic. Sentence structure, spelling etc was great. I thought it great too that the four children helped out in this surprise and that all of their names begin with a 'candy cane'.

I was a little confused about some of the rings. I believe that four of them were from the children but I really don't know what a dentist ring is so some explanation in the story about that would be helpful (is it a retainer)? I also assume that final ring was a Christmas gift from Jeff. If the personal nature of the rings were clearer I believe it would fully round out the story.

Hope these words are helpful. I'm sending some GP with this review and ask that you take a look at my small portfolio and also invite you check out my blog at http://undermywheels.com

Merry Christmas,
Darren
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Review by Okemo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I did NOT see that ending coming. I enjoyed this very much. Congratulations on the win.
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Review of Beware the Moors  Open in new Window.
Review by Okemo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey, I really liked your story. I liked the way you started it at a pivotal moment in the story (the bar questioning the patron) and then the ominous warning. It felt a little rushed at the end but I understand the 1000 word limit issue. Nice story, congrats. You write like you've written this genre before.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/okemo