Hi, thanks for this little article, however... Ouch! It seems VERY unfair to me.
To start with, I am young but not a teenager, I still have plenty of younger friend and I work with children with difficulties and as a volunteer counsellor. I well remember my suicidal youth, once I have only been rescued last minute, and your viewpoint seems ridiculously inappropriate. A behaviour like this from a parent will only make the relation fall into a greater despair because the kid will not understand it. Besides, it seems like your starting point are families who were never close, never they have been friends. A parent has to show emotions and concerns. They have to make the child feel like it, rather than run away and dig a deeper grave. Not to mention that parents are the ones who ought to be advised that not everything their teenager does is potentially evil, bad, illegal and will end up as a disaster.
You in fact seem to promote parents NOT understanding the young adult's needs, especially since there is no way of talking the teenager out of their idea, unless they are already friends with their parents. And maybe I don't have much experience because I am young, but being in a situation like that, in rehabs and meeting different people I am pretty convinced about the truth-value of that I am saying.
If I only could, I would beg to revise it and include some things I have mentioned, but you are the author here. I just hope I will never see anything like this in a women's magazine, because it gave me the impression of all the hate that could grew out of parents taking only this into their account.
However, there are plenty of things I do agree with you, like the approach the parent should have or that they should not fix their children's lives themselves. Yet this pleads for the advise for the parents to STOP OVER-WORRYING and allow their kids to grow up. Once past that age, they will understand. There are plenty of bad scenarios of that; a best friend of mine at the age of 15 ended up in a rehab for both nervous disorders, drug addiction and self-mutilation including numerous suicide attempts, because her parents were exactly like you advised. She was therefore doing everything to get their attention. On the other example my current best friend, a lovely woman and kindest, most caring and loving person, one of those you would save if you would have to chose one, was a little rebel, twice suspended form school for dying her hair pink at the age of 14 and another reason, but they parents allowed that and they even supported her through friendship, understanding and conversation and she had no need to do all the other"bad things." They are still the happiest family one could imagine. Luck? I don't think so, for there are plenty more examples.
I have the impression that you are a person, psychiatrist or someone who works with troubles parents rather than the youth of whole families.
I hope this did not offend you, but I just couldn't agree.
Keep up the love and good advice, thank you very much for this article, it kept me thinking.
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