\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nvmiele
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
1 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Morrigan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Certainly this is an expression of of newest Love. The issue, in my opinion, is the length of the lines. The example I do not even think you need the first two lines unless you are trying to work in how difficult it can be to find love in a society that never seems to stop moving or working; if that's the case I think the mobile-phone is a great motif. If I were to edit the next few lines they may look something like this (I hope you get the idea, from here it is a simple matter of applying it throughout the piece):

I dial your familiar number
On my cellular phone.
Romantic greetings promptly answered,
Your voice, most grateful, as usual...




1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nvmiele