This story was amazing. You added a lot of detail to this story. It shows a lot of anger and hostility. In a lot of ways you've given me a little taste of what I should've done with my story that you reviewed. Though I wish I knew the character's name, and the god reference can be off putting. Outside of that the story flows really well.
This story is great. I love the idea. I want to know more, the characters name for instance. what's the narrators powers, deformities etc.? Is he going to wind up looking just like the silver surfer from Marvel comics? It's kind of a big thing to not be clear about.
Don't get me wrong I really like this story it reminds me of Elysium with a touch of hunger games. I'm not a good editor so I'm not going to critique that.
Personally I would like to do my own story in this universe if you don't mind
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