Hey, I thought it was a very good story and I really enjoyed reading it. I am not an author or a professional critic but I have a few tips. Firstly, I think that it would be better if you used more paragraphs and perhaps made the story a bit longer, but otherwise I think it is very good. Well done. I don't have many gift points, but I can give you a few. If you get some time, I would appreciate it if you could rate on of my stories too. Thanks a lot.
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