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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ningishzida
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46 Public Reviews Given
251 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (2.5)
While the writing seemed fine, the writer seemed to forget what he had written earlier about about Lork being such a wimp/weakling he couldn't lift a bucket of acorns -- so how could he hurl a knife large enough to kill a large dragon? In most stories large dragons have too thick a hide to even be penetrated unless it is 'magic'. Certainly a wimp who cannot pick up a bucket of acorns wouldn't have the strength.

It also seemed you can't make up your mind if this is going to be silly or serious. Surviving being frozen and thawed out, it silly, cartoon stuff, but stabbing someone to death is very real and serious (though ridiculous to imagine a person killing a large dragon with just a cleaver). The two really don't work together. When someone is frozen into an icecube in a cartoon, nobody is stabbed to death later on.

I suggest you look at this again and decide if this is going to be silly like a cartoon (human freezing in a block of ice and surviving), - or serious with death in it. If it is going to be 'silly' leave out the stabbing animals to death, or be more sensible. Have the meat thief just be a bear or wolf, because a person could really kill those with a knife. It story would work if the dragon was merely scared off, or perhaps somehow 'tamed', and then Lork could turn his meat ship into a restaurant in which the dragon cooks the meat. Maybe he offers the dragon free meat if he would work for him. Then it would be a 'funny' story without death in it -- especially such ridiculous death as a human with only a knife killing such a dangerous creature.

Good luck with your writing!
2
2
Rated: E | (3.5)
This story drew my attention, as I have had one here with the identical title for quite some time, though this is quite a bit different. I found this an amusing little story but thought it could be much better with more development, and clearing up a few things that seemed confusing. For example, the writer states he met the dragon 1000 years ago, which clearly indicates he cannot be a normal human, yet the dragon refers to him as a human. The dragon also says dragons are essentially immortal, and have lived since the time of dinosaurs, yet speaks of them in a past tense as if they were all dead now but him. There is no mention of 'dragonslayer' stories, though it is logical no human would be able to kill a dragon, and if humans were a threat to them, large intelligent dragons as described would have no difficulty wiping out the human race if they ever threatened them.. Much ado is made over the fact dragons really don't spew fire, yet nothing is said why cultures all over the world believe that they do, so this probably should be mentioned. (Steam spewing from their nostrils in cold weather, for example, though if human carnival performers can spew fire, why couldn't dragons do it this way as well?). The dragon scoffs at human religious beliefs like 'sun gods', yet fails to mention that MANY human cultures around the world believed that dragons are gods. (Even the Bible describes 'God', as a huge winged creature with talons for hands, spews fire from its mouth, and demands offerings of calves and sheep!)

I though the mention of Nessie being a dragon was good, but you might have gone on to mention there are hundreds of accounts all over the world of other lake monsters and sea serpents that are actually dragons, but because they are intelligent and can fly away at night, all of the expeditions that search for them are never succesful.

The comment that dinosaurs went extinct because they were "too big" didn't work for me, becasue many dinosaurs were tiny. It might be better to say, that being intelligent, the dragons were able to survive the asteroid catastrophe despite being large. After all, many other creatures survived.

I noticed a few grammatical and punctuation errors you might want to fix, one that immediately comes to mind is "Oh there was some of us who took young women." Instead of "was" you should use "were some of us", or even there ARE some of us, indicating they are still around. This could een explain why so many women still vanish without a trace even in our modern times.

All in all, though, and entertaining story. Thank you for sharing it here, and good luck with your writing.
3
3
Rated: E | (2.0)
The episode in Shrek, which this story clearly seems to be based on was funny, because it made fun of the ridiculous fairytale notion that a knight in shining armor could defeat a huge and intelligent dragon, as evidenced by the remains of the many knights that had previously failed.. This story on the other hand just seemed pointless and dumb to me because the the writer seems to actually take the dragonslayer nonsense seriously, and the knight somehow kills the dragon, yet doesn't explain how he could succeed when so many others had failed.

This could have actually been a funny story though, if there was an amusing twist, like, since no knight could succeed in killing the formidable beast, the knight instead paid the dragon off with the down payment in gold he received in exchange for the Princess, the knight gets his reward, and two weeks later the dragon has captured the princess again! There is potential here to write a funny satire of the "knight rescues princess" cliche', but unlike the writers of Shrek, you have failed to do so in this version. Quite the contrary, you actually took the silly cliche' seriously yet still tried to make it a satire, and this didn't work to me..

I did think you got one thing right though, in that there wouldn't be knights' bones lying all over the place as the knights would be eaten whole by such a large creature, and dissolved due to the retilian physiology. Though why it would leave its droppings all over its own home requires explanation..

I am sending 100 gift points with the encouragement that you rewrite this a bit and have the knight makes a deal with the dragon since it is obvious he could never kill it, as no knight did before him. I think you would have an amusing, (and far more plausible) story then. Good luck with your writing!
4
4
Rated: E | (2.0)
While the quality of the writing was good, I had reservations to even consider reading it, due to such a 'cliche' title as "Dragonslayer". But then, I thought, maybe this was going to be a comedic farce of all of those nonsensical, fairytale dragonslayer stories written to amuse small children who do not understand how impossible it would really be to kill something like a large, intelligent dragon with medieval technology.

As I read the story I discovered how uncomfortably similar it was to the Disney Children's film of the same name. The "Dragonslayer" is a teenage girl, instead of a teenage boy, and his 'magic' spear has now become a pair of 'magic swords'. hmmm.

And like nearly every other predictable dragonslayer yarn, the story takes place in an implausible, unblievable "Never-Neverland" where dragons seem to exist only for the convenience of dragonslayers to kill them to prove how brave they are. As every scientist would confirm, if large carnivorous dinosaurs somehow survived extinction, there would be no humans today. They would have devoured our primitive ancestors with total impunity. But here, and in so many other 'dragonslayer stories' we have creatures far more dangerous than any dinosaur almost on the verge of extinction, apparently due to all of the brave dragonslayers, who even include teenage girls who had never waved a sword in anger prior to killing their first dragon!

In reality, the ONLY way a world with large, intelligent dragons and humans could co-exist is if the dragons deliberately didn't eat the early hominids into extinction. (Or perhaps primitive apemen had 'magic sharpened sticks', much like the girls magic swords?) , So in a realistic scenario, dragons would actually have to be the protectors of mankind (as in the lore of so many human cultures), rather than just a convenient monster that appears out of nowhere for teenage girl dragonslayers to slay.

And this brings us to the point that since the dragons have apparently been driven to near extinction, according to the story, they will actually the the underdogs, and invoke pity from the reader. And it is no wonder they are nearly extinct if a little girl can "slaughter one like a sheep". Who would even care to read more of this story, for with her god-like powers, how could she ever be placed in danger?

The answer is that it is highly unlikely any adult lover of fantasy stories would bother reading more. The story is believable only to small children, some of who might like to fantsize they are 'mighty dragonslayers' like this teenage girl in the story is made out to be.

Here is the contrast between this, and one of the most succesful fantasy series of recent times - Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth cycle. The young man in this series also has a 'magic sword', but knows he could never kill a dragon with it. Instead, we see a far more clever plot twist in that he must gain the dragon's gratitude to help him on his quest, a creature that still promises might eat him someday!

These books are international best sellers and have inspired a T.V series because they are fresh and clever and lack the predictable, unbelievable, "hero slays dragon" cliche' just like this one in the story being reviewed. And worse, this one is even called Dragonslayer, just lie the Disney movie!

In the mainstream world, it is common to make fun of the dragonslayer cliche' as we see in the blockbuster comedy Shrek, as evidenced by all of the charred armor around the castle. This is becasue most adults understand how ridiculous the idea of a man with a sword killing a large, intelligent dragon (let alone a teenage girl with no combat experience).. In the Middle Ages, the dragon depicted being slain by St. George is often no bigger than a goat because people back then understood how dangerous even a goat sized dragon would be! But then, people back then really understood the capabilities of men with swords fighting dangerous animals, unlike so many fantasy writers of today, who have no idea how impossible fighting something like a dragon would really be.
The action in this story did not seem believable at all to me, and suggests the writer knows very little about martial arts or animal and human capabilities.

I do think the author is a capable writer however, and might be able to write interesting fantasy if such blatantly cliche' and unblievable things like "tenagers with magic swords slaying mighty dragons", can be avoided at all costs. That story has been written a thousand times before.
5
5
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I believe this is a good beginning to an interesting fantasy story, but find some of it a bit confusing. Apparently, the visitor arrives in the form of a huge, classic fantasy dragon, (huge because of the loud stomping noics and ensuing panic of the villager, but then a regular sized man enters the house. Was he riding the huge dragon, or did the dragon transform into a much smaller human, just so he could fit through the door? And then does the man turn back into the dragon inside the house, or into a more humansized anropomophic dragon-man or 'draconian" type of creature.? A little more description might help. Did the dragon have wings and fly there, and what of the other "king's men" mentioned. Are they shape shifting dragons as well.

As the kIng's apparent elite warrior leader, and a dragon as well, the creature does not seem very crafty and intelligent as dragon's are often renowned fore. I would think the dragon/man would have gotten the information by threatening to devour the man's wife, rather than simply killing the man and presumeably his wife as well. If this creature flew into uncontrollable rages so easily, I would doubt the king would trust it with such an important mision. Maybe the dragon would be there for muscle, but having a human leader with a cooler head. This brings up an interesting point as well, and a shorcoming in many fantasy stories, which is why would this powerful, shape shifting dragon be the subject, and obedient to a presumeably human king? Unless the king is an even bigger and more powerful dragon, or is somehow enslaving the dragon with powerful magic, or paying the dragon very well, why is it working for the king?

Real reptiles like komodo dragons and crocodiles, have a superb sense of smell, (like most long snouted carnivores, for the snout holds impressive olfactory organs), so wonder wny the dragon wouldn't have smelled out the boy before burning the house.

I am interested enough in the story to want to read more, but feel some of these things need to be cleared up.

Good luck with your novel! A story with both Dragons AND Vampires cover a lot of potential fan base if both seem convincing to your readers.
6
6
Rated: E | (2.0)
This story seemed more strange than humorous. The killing the sentient, talking dragon seemed too dark, and out of place with the relatively 'tame' and rather nonsensical activities in other places, and it seems highly unlikely he would have had much success with a 'plastic' sword, and no explanation is given how this could be possible. Nowadays most kids like dragons so doubt they would be so jubilant about it. being killed, and in such a dumb way.. I think it more likely that they would boo the story teller, and think the was a liar for claiming such an impossible feat.

I noticed several typos, including "there was much rejoice" instead of rejoicing.

Good luck with your writing!
7
7
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I think you are off to a fine start, and the style and quality of writing is quite good. I would be interested in reading more of this story, though I am a bit sceptical it is going to seem very believable, since you set the story in our own, real world, yet it seems to be filled with fantasy creatures, which if they had existed, we should have some evidence of today. This is why it is sometimes better to set fantasy stories in 'other' worlds, unless you can explain why there is no trace of your fantastic creatures in our real world today.

Elves do not present much of a problem because their skeletons could be identical to human ones. Or if they are immortal, they may still be hiding out someplace. Dragons are a bit more difficult, particularly if they are flesh and blood creatures. If any of them had ever died, their massive bones would certainly survive to this day, and if anyone ever actually killed one, their bones, skins, teeth, etc, would have been valuable trophies and carefully preserved. Of course, I cannot think of a single fantasy story that seemed believable when a person was able to kill a large, intelligent dragon, and one way to get around the lack of dragon remains is if the story is set in our real world's past, is that none have ever died, and that the many sightings of lake monsters, sea serpents, etc, even to this day, are actually the same 'dragons' that our ancestors recorded. Another thing to consider in any story with dragons, even in a fantasy world, is that if humans were ever a threat to them, they would be able to exterminate mankind with impunity because of our dependence on agriculture, and especially so in earlier periods before humans had even invented weapons that could harm them.

Good luck in any case. As a historian with a great interest in dragon lore and beliefs, I will be interested in seeing if you can produce a believable story set in an ancient Wales that has dragons and elves. I do recall that in a real historical document, an ancient British king was recorded as being eaten by a dragon, though most British dragon slaying stories date from the 16th century and were actually 'farces' intended to make fun of the 'serious' Catholic St. George story, invented after King Henry VIII split from the Catholic Church. But then, today we also know that even the dragon in the St. George story was never part of the real story of the ancient St. George, but was simply 'added' centuries later by a Catholic Bishop to make his book on the Saints more exciting! Wales does have a lot of dragon sightings and there is an interesting and seemingly reliable story from the 16th century, of a kind of dragon stealing sheep and frightening people, until finally driven away by an organized group of archers. Of course, it it had been 'killed', like in the fairytale stories, it body would have been preserved and thousands of people would flock to see it, and its bones would still be able to see its remains today.
8
8
Rated: E | (3.5)
I thought this was wll written, and while I usually like dragon stories, I immediately lost interest when it was revealed this world was apparently nothing more than a role playing game brought to life. Instead of being some ancient creature, the dragon is merely a 'new gaming piece' created for the sake of the game. I wonder if the human hero is also a gaming token for some modern day gaming fantatic involved in this realistic video game.

I suppose the dragon might consider himself noting more than a pest without a human rider if he is only an animated gaming token, but I cannot imagine any self respecting 'real' dragon would consider itself such a thing. Even in a world that is nothing more than a 'game', it might make more sense if the dragon said that by having a human rider on his back, he would appear 'tame' and cause people not to afraid, if the upcoming adventure/game scenario required the dragon associating with a lot of people.

Why the dragon would transform into a larger, more formidable creature due to its 'bonding' with what appears to be a non-magical human would require an explanation if this were intended to be a 'real' fantasy world, but maybe it doesn't if this is just a kind of game.

It is difficulut for me to have any empathy for characters that were merely created for the benefit of a 'game'. Maybe this kind of plot is popular with fantasy game player, but not 'old school' fans of fantsy, who imagine these are real worlds, much like our own.

I probably won't read any more of this sinceth it is actually not a fantasy story in the true sense, but it is about a game scenario with a dragon simply created out of the blue because the game designer neeed one for the human player to ride on.

Good luck with your project in any case.
9
9
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought the structure and meter of the poem were excellent, but the claim that "Allah and Christ are the same deity" contradicts the beliefs of both Islam and many sects of Christianity. Christ (Jesus) is fully acknowledged in Islam as a prohet of Allah, but not his Son. And while it is clear that Yahweh and Allah are the same diety, in the various sects of Christianity, Christ can also be God, or the Son of God, or in ancient Gnostic Christian beliefs, even the serpent of Eden! (Though in a good light, as he wanted to give mankind wisdom .)

I think the poem would be perfect if the words were slightly changed to ackknowledge that Allah and Yahweh/Jehova/God of Christianity are the same, instead of Allah and Jesus.

You are a very prolific and talented poet! I could see you publishing a book of your collected works!
10
10
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I thought this was a clever, well-written story, and a pleasant departure from the usual 'improbable hero slays dragon' cliche that are always so ridiculous and unbelievable, and an insult to the fantasy genre.

There are a few things that 'didn't work for me' though. While the 'bad jokes' were entertaining, the one about the 'little red wagon' spoiled the medieval flavor of hw story since 'little red wagons' are objects from 20th century America.

The hell hound scene, while well done, also didn't work for me for two reasons. First, the dragon welcomed human thieves and adventurers, which provided him with entertainment, and even a handy snack. It was only through the Jesters magic that he got by the hound, something many 'visitors' to the dragon, would not be able to do, therefor depriving him of the entertainment and snacks that the visitors would provide.

Second, after the draon had been hypnotized and became 'kinder and gentler', how are all of these people going to meet the dragon, and bring him livestock in trade for flowers with the killer hellhound blocking the only entrance? This doesn'take sense to me.

I would keep this in the story, but just make it a fierce watch dog in the king's palace. Before the king would let him go on this dangrous quest, the king hopes to dissuade the Jester by giving him the test of stealing a bone from the fiercest watch dog before he allows him on the quest for the flower. When he succeeds, the king grudgingly allows him to go.

Anyway, just some suggestions. Thanks for writing and posting an enjoyable 'dragon story', and good luck in the contest!
11
11
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this was a great little poem with a good rythm. It seemed too short though, and I would really have liked to have read more. The ending was fine, but a bit more description of the creature, that might define it even more as a dragon, and maybe some more description of the chaos in the house. Since the dragon was apparently the long-time pet of the family, perhaps you should explain why it suddenly decided to burn the house down. A humorous possiblity might be that one of the guest brought some food that the dragon got into that was very peppery, it caused it to unintentionally sneeze fire.

Great poem as it stands, but do think about expanding it.
12
12
Review of Oh Lamb of God!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Whle the poem itself runs smoothly, I have to question its Biblical and/or theological accuracy.

Exactly which "ugly dragon" does Jesus ever slay? No dragon is ever slain in the Bible.

In fact, the Bible implies, and other early Christian scriptues state, that great dragons will be release from heaven to consume all of the sinners on Judgement Day, and this event was often carved on Medieval Cathredals to frighten worshippers..

There is mention in Revelation of a dragon being driven from heaven and imprisoned in a dark abyss, that most Christians believe is an event in the future. And the Bible goes on to say this dragon is released after 1000 years, but continues to forment rebellion, and is then tormented forever in the lake of fire, suggesting it is an immortal creature that cannot be slain anyway.

And where in scrpture does it say the dragon is ugly? Medieval churches are filled with dragons incorporated in religious art, and from the beginning of Christianity, and in earlier Judaism, dragons were considered the highest of heavenly creatures and in medieval bibles, the Cherub that God rides in Psalms and II Samuel is a dragon. In fact the word "Seraphim" actually means in Hebrew, "Fiery flying serpent" (dragon), though later on the Church began depicting them as beautiful humans with swan wings coming out of their back. And of course, the Cherubim have been turned into fat little baby angels, which I cannot imagine God riding on, like the Bible says He does.

Good luck with your poem, but if you are interested in more Biblical accuracy, I recommmend, for starters, that you read my little story here, called "The Truth About Dragons" for a better understanding of dragons in the Bible.
13
13
Review of Draco Argenteus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I enjoyed your story except for a minor points. One, the tired old cliche' that humans "killed all the dragons" is utterly ridiculous if we accept the notion that dragons were huge, powerful creatures. The dragons in the real medieval legends were seldom larger than a goat, which was the only reason people believed a dragon could be killed by a saint. They did believe in enormous dragons too, but these were controlled by God and devoured sinners who did not pass judgement. They were to be released at the end of the world to consume the wicked. The little dragons of slayer tales were the baby offspring of Satan, the only "evil" dragon. These are the original concepts of dragons in medieval times, as I detail in my upcoming book. Unless you invent some nonsense like a magical weak spot, large dragons would be completely invulnerable to human attack, with inpenetrable scales, and if real, could have destroyed mankind unless "controlled" by a higher authority as the medieval people believed. Ancient people believed the dragons themselves were gods, and even Yahweh of the Bible was originally conceived as a dragon.

Second, it seemed rather unbelievable that a newly hatched dragon could consume a herd of cattle at a single setting.

Third, if dragons can shape shift to a human form, it is also silly to imagine humans could ever kill them. If threatened (impossible to begin with for a large dragon versus puny humans), they would simply transform into a human or even the appearance of rocks. On the contrary, if they decided to spare mankind because they liked the things they made (gold ornaments), and even how they tasted, they would use their powers to become the great rulers of the world, much like the modern "reptilian agenda" conspiracies actually suggest. But the writing itself was quite good, and at least this wasn't your typical papier mache' pinata dragon stabbed to death in some ridiculous manner by a human hero as most dragon stories end and written by idiots.
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