ROFLMAO!!! Ok I so did not see that coming. I expected some sort of creepy spider to emerge from the lump, or something along those lines, but the falsies?!?! LOL! Brilliant!
No suggestions, very well written and good use of space (those dang word limits i tell ya). The title is the cherry on top.
Loved it! Of course. Do they really put weights in empty caskets? I'm curious to know. I see you in this story, in both roles.
Corrections: "that a prudent man last longer" either fix to " That prudent men last longer, or, that a prudent man lasts longer".
Suggestions: "The other from his Oncologist. Jack was dying, up on serious charges that could’ve dishonored his name and impoverished his family through loss of benefits." There is too much going on in this sentence I think. I'm not sure how to fix it exactly, but the sentence doesn't ring. Somehow grouping together that Jack is dying with the oncologist's letter in one sentence - and the consequences of the charges against him with the letter from IA in another sentence? Or perhaps the two letters in one sentence and the consequences of both in another sentence. Just suggestions :)
Hi there, my name is Nina and it's a pleasure to red and review your work.
First impressions: Touching and sad
Creativity/Impact: It made me immediately miss my father. The impact of loss is evident in your story and very touching.
Technical Notes: The third sentences in the first paragraph is quite long... perhaps break it up into two sentences?
Content: A young boy dealing with different views of death.
Overall Rating/Final thoughts: I gave this 4.5 stars. I really enjoyed the read and you managed to make me, the reader, FEEL. That is so very important in writing.
Excellent story. The dialogue was wonderful and the characters were very well structured for such a small amount of writing space. Congrats on the win!
I really enjoyed the story and i loved the way you used the 3 points. I was surprised and shocked, and I could visualize the whole scene playing out. I can only imagine what you could produce with more time for editing! Kudos!
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